Writings by Rayna
by KimberlyJordan
Summary: The beginning - I'll start each chapter with an excerpt from a young Rayna's diary. A glimpse into her feelings, and views as she begins her career in music, meets Deacon, and goes on to become Rayna Jaymes.
1. Chapter 1

Jan 24th, 1990

Dear Diary,

I snuck out tonight. Watty got me my very first gig at the Bluebird. I was terrified alone onstage. The crowd seemed to like me despite my horrible guitar playing. Watty said I did great, and he has someone in mind to help me out with guitar next time so I can concentrate on just singing. I'm not so sure it was me they clapped for, or the fact that when they announced me, they made it a point to say my mother was Virginia Wyatt. Either way, I loved every second, and can't wait to do it again in a couple weeks. Watty says once I have a guitar player, he can get me scheduled to play the Bluebird a couple times per month. Now I just need to figure out how to keep daddy from finding out. He thinks I was at Jenny's studying.

A couple weeks later…

"I dunno Wat. Playin guitar for some spoiled little rich girl isn't exactly what I pictured when ya said ya had work for me. How old did ya say this kid is?" Deacon asked as he sipped beer next to Watty at the bar.

"Rayna is 17. She's good, Deacon. Really, really good. She just needs a little help. A guitar player, and maybe some help with her lyrics. She's got some good ideas for songs. They just need a little something extra. Just listen to her tonight, and think about it, OK?" Watty asked hopeful

"I'll hang around and listen after my set. No promises. Vince wants me to meet up with some girls we met last night. I can't stay too long." Deacon quipped as he ordered another beer

"Thanks, Deke. You're gonna love her."

A couple hours later, Deacon finished his set. He stepped out back to talk to Vince who'd just finished his shift as a dishwasher at a local BBQ joint, his 4th job in only a few months. Vince wasn't great at keeping jobs. He'd work long enough for beer money and then usually fail to show up, resulting in yet another firing.

Vince had moved to Nashville and in with Deacon just a few months earlier. Neither had much interest in anything except drinking, and women. Both were decent guitarists. Watty saw a bright future for Deacon in music, if he'd only apply himself a little more. Deacon loved to play small venues for some extra cash, but had little interest in anything bigger.

"Will ya look at that?" Vince quipped as a small red sports car pulled into the employee lot behind the bar and parked not far from where they were standing.

A 17 year old Rayna Jaymes stepped out after several minutes. She'd stripped off the clothes covering her real outfit for the night. She'd finished applying makeup and made sure every stand of her long red hair was perfectly in place. Last, she slipped on her turquois and pink lucchese custom cowgirl boots, grabbed her perfectly matched leather purse, and locked her BMW.

"THAT must be what Watty wanted me to see." Deacon stammered, mesmerized as she approached the back door

"Her? No way, Deke! That hot little red head can't be barely 16. She's nothin but trouble. Don't even think about it. Judgin by the looks of that car and those clothes, her daddy's got money. I'm sure he'd have your ass if you sour his little precious princess in her prissy ass boots." Vince laughed as Deacon watched her cross the lot and step in the back door

"He wants me to play guitar for her, dumbass! I'm not talkin about sourin nothin." Deacon snapped

"Yeah, I see that look in your eyes. She's trouble, Deke! I'm tellin ya. I have a bad feelin bout this. Let's just go. The girls are waitin."

"You go on ahead. I'll catch up with ya later. I just wanna see if she's as good as Watty says."

"Don't do it, Deke!"

Before they could get back inside the back door opened again. An irritated Rayna Jaymes traipsed back out to her red BMW, clumsily pulling an old beat up guitar case from the back seat. She cursed under her breath as she banged the case against the door frame going back inside.

"Maybe she does need a guitarist. She can't even carry it in the case." Vince sarcastically quipped

"Shut up, Vince!"

"Why so protective? You don't even know the chic."

Before Vince could stop him, Deacon was headed back inside. Watty and Rayna seemed to be having a bit of a heated conversation in the back room.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart. I tried to get a guitarist. He's just not available tonight." Watty said

"I haven't practiced in two weeks. I thought you had someone lined up for me." Rayna was near tears

"Look, I'll do it myself tonight, OK?" Watty was trying to prevent a meltdown

"What I tell ya, Deke? Not only a prissy rich girl, but drama queen too!" Vince whispered as they passed Watty and Rayna arguing

Deacon elbowed Vince in the stomach to shut him up as Watty and Rayna took their seats in the small writers round area

"What the hell did you do that for?" Vince whined rubbing his stomach

"Will ya just shut the hell up! I just wanna hear one song, and we'll go, alright?" Deacon snapped

Deacon was mesmerized once more as Rayna began singing. He'd never heard such a beautiful voice. He couldn't take his eyes off Rayna as she sang. She was gorgeous. He'd never seen a more beautiful woman. Everything about her was perfect. By the 3rd song, Vince was irritated with the delay.

"Deke! C'mon…the girls are waitin, and I need to get laid tonight. This chic is WAY out of your league, not to mention she's jail bait. You don't need that shit no matter how good lookin she is. Let's just go, OK?"

"Yeah, guess you're right." Deacon sadly admitted knowing for once in his life, Vince was actually right

They slipped out the back before Watty realized Deacon was gone.

"You lookin for somebody?" Rayna asked as Watty looked around the bar

"No, I guess not. You were great tonight, Rayna. I'm sorry about the guitarist. I'll see if I can find someone else."

"It's OK. Thanks for helpin me out tonight, Watty. I'm horrible with guitars. Definitely didn't get my mama's instrumental abilities." Rayna laughed nervously

"Yeah, but you more than make up for it with that voice, kid. Don't ever let anyone stop you. You're gonna make it big one day. You better get yourself home before Lamar suspects anything. Same time, same place in two weeks?" Watty asked

"I'll be here." Rayna smiled as she hugged Watty before heading to her car


	2. Chapter 2

Feb 26th, 1990

Dear Diary,

I'm so nervous. I've been practicing, but I just can't master this damn guitar. Tonight's my 3rd performance at the Bluebird. Watty hasn't been able to find a guitarist for me, and he can't make it tonight. I'm really on my own. Really wish Watty could be there. Maybe I should just cancel? I hate to do that. I know Watty has pulled a lot of strings to get me a spot there. He'd be so disappointed, and I'm afraid I might not be asked back if I cancel so close to show time.

At times like this I ask myself "What would mama do?" I know she'd never cancel a show. I only remember her ever cancelling one show. It was the day grandma died. I miss them both so much. Daddy doesn't understand anything about music, and Tandy isn't much better. I feel so alone when it comes to my hopes and dreams. No one understands or supports me. I'm not sure what I would do without Watty. I think mama might have asked him to look out for me before she died.

Daddy never supported her career in music either. If he'd had his way, she have been a stay at home mom, country club type. He thought she should forget music and support his career. I listened to so many fights between them. He always wanted her by his side for boring business dinners, fundraisers, and political affairs. She tried when she was home, and not touring, but she hated every second at the country club.

The last few times she was home, she seemed so unhappy. They always fought, but towards the end it seemed that's all they did. Daddy had been more upset than usual with mama's time away from home. Instead of enjoying her time at home, he made her miserable with demands to quit touring and threats about what he'd do if she didn't.

One of the last things she said to me was "Never let anyone destroy your dreams. If you want it, work for it until it happens. You and only you are in charge of your dreams."

"Hey, Deke….DEKE?" Vince yelled from the balcony of their 2nd floor apartment

"WHAT? I'm kinda busy here, Vince! What the hell do ya want?" Deacon irritatedly asked from under the hood of his old truck

"Phones for you!" Vince quipped waving the cordless phone

"TAKE A DAMN MESSAGE! I GOTTA WORK IN AN HOUR. I NEED TO FINISH THE TRUCK!" Deacon yelled, his irritation with Vince growing

"I thought you were off tonight?" Vince asked as he lounged on the couch in his underwear, 40 minutes later when a grease covered Deacon came in

"I was, but Sarah asked me to cover the bar at the Bluebird tonight. Jerry called in sick, and we need the money. Rent's due in a couple days, and we don't got it!"

"I gave you all I had, Deke!" Vince tried to pacify and irritated Deacon

"Yeah, 50 bucks! Rent's 300, Vince!" Deacon snapped as he stripped off his greasy clothes, looking around for something clean enough to wear to work

"I thought we were good for rent." Vince innocently asked

"That was before the goddamn water pump went out on the truck. Cost me damn near 100 bucks to buy one and do the work myself, which you coulda got off your ass and helped with. You use the truck as much as me, you know!"

"Sorry, man! You shoulda woke me up."

"I tried! Shouldn't you be gettin ready for your shift at Jack's? I'm leavin in 5. If you wanna ride, be ready."

"uuhhhh…. Yeah, bout that…I got fired!"

"GODDAMMIT VINCE, AGAIN? I can't afford to support your ass. You said you'd help me out when ya moved in here. So far all you've done is drink my beer and lay round here in your underwear."

"Sorry man. I'll get another job. I'll call mom and see if she can send me some money to help out a little in the meantime."

"I gotta go. Gonna be late."

"Oh, hey…Deke…Watty wants you to call him as soon as you can." Vince called after Deacon as he left the apartment

Not much was going on at the Bluebird as Deacon joined Sarah behind the bar. It was only 4pm, and just a few regulars were belly to the bar.

"Thanks so much for takin Jerry's shift, Deacon." Sarah said as she rushed back to the office to catch up deposits and paperwork

"No problem. I could use the cash." Deacon responded as he refreshed an old man's drink

As he finished washing some glasses he remembered Watty's call

"Hey, Wat…Vince said you called?" Deacon said into the phone behind the bar

"Yeah…How have you been, Deke?"

"Can't complain. So, I won't. Just picked up an extra shift behind the bar tonight. You comin by tonight?" Deacon asked

"No, actually that's what I wanted to talk to you about, Deacon. Remember the little gal I told you about, Rayna? Needs a guitar player?" Watty asked

"uuhhh..yeah, Watty. I listened to her couple weeks ago. You're right. She's real good, but I don't think it's my kinda gig, ya know."

"I understand and I'm lookin for somebody else, but I'm kinda stuck tonight. She's doin a few songs. I can't be there. Could you help her out just tonight? I'd consider it a personal favor."

"I dunno, Wat. I'm behind the bar. Not sure I can get away."

"It's 3 songs, 15 minutes tops. Could you just ask Sarah or one of the waitresses to cover the bar for just 15 minutes? There's 50 bucks in it for ya. Easy money, Deke. Just tonight?"

"OK, yeah…I'll see what I can do, Wat." Deacon reluctantly agreed

She caught his eye the second she walked in. Her red locks gently bouncing off her shoulders. She wore a white form fitting sweater dress along with a different pair of white lucchese boots. She was clumsily carrying and old beat up guitar case. Deacon was mesmerized again as he studied her every move from behind the bar.

"Are you Deacon?" she asked catching him off guard. He'd turned his attention to a large drink order and hadn't noticed as she approached the bar

"uuhhhh…yeah…you're Rayna, right?" he nervously smiled

"Yeah…Watty said you might be able to help me out tonight?" She seemed to be studying him. He suddenly wished he'd cleaned up a little better, and maybe done laundry this week, rather than plucking clothes that looked half way clean from the apartment floor.

"OK, yeah…let me get my boss to cover the bar for a little bit."

"Watty said you can pretty much play anything pretty quick with little practice." Rayna said handing Deacon the score sheets from her guitar case

"That's true, but I need to borrow your guitar if that's OK? I hadn't planned on handlin much besides beer bottles and shot glasses tonight. I don't have my martin with me." Deacon nervously washed his hands trying to remove all the grease from under his nails

"Yeah, OK, sure…just be careful. It was my mama's. It meant a lot to her, and I've never let anyone touch it…" Rayna teared up a little

"Hey…I'm sure one of the guys has one I could borrow if you'd rather I didn't touch it. I didn't mean to…" Deacon tried to smile noticing he'd upset her

"No, it's OK, really. She's been gone 5 years. It's just still hard ya know."

"I'll be careful. I can handle a guitar, sweetheart. Wow…this is really outta tune. Do you mind if I make some adjustments?" Deacon asked as he gently tuned the old Gibson

"I didn't get my mama's guitar playin skills. I actually don't have a clue how to get the thing in tune."

"Explains a lot." Deacon quipped a little more sarcastically than he'd meant

"Well, I didn't think I was THAT bad." Rayna snapped a little hurt

"You should probably just stick to singin." Deacon tried to joke with her, but she took it wrong and became defensive

"…and what makes YOU so great, Deacon?" she snapped

"Nothin, look, I didn't mean nothin by it…I just….from what I heard a couple weeks back, guitar playin isn't your thing and that's fine. Watty is great. He'll fix you up with somebody to do that for ya."

"…and why don't you want the job? There aren't too many Deacon's. You must be the guy he originally had in mind, right?" she asked accusingly

"I dunno. He asked, yeah…maybe I'm the Deacon he had in mind."

"Is there a reason you said no?"

"I just don't think we're a good fit. That's all. It's nothin personal."

"You've never even tried. You never met me until tonight. How do you know were not a good fit?"

"Like I said…I just don't get the feelin were a good match. Nothin personal. I'll help ya out tonight, OK?"

"Don't bother. I'll just do it myself." She grabbed the guitar before Deacon could react

"FINE! I don't need this shit. THIS is why I said NO, by the way."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You're all worked up over nothin. Too damn much maintenance required. I don't need it. I'm sure your daddy can afford the best of the best. Nashville is full of decent guitarists lookin for work. I bet one of em is a much better fit for you than me."

"Watty said you were the best."

"Yeah, well…maybe I am, and maybe I aint. Money can't buy everything, sweetheart. There aint enough money to make this worth it."

"So this is about money?"

"Not exactly. This is bout a spoiled little rich girl, that probably never had to work a day in her life, that's used to gettin what she wants. I don't drive a BMW, or own a different pair of expensive boots for every day of the week. I barely get by. You probably don't have a clue what that means, or how livin paycheck to paycheck feels."

"What the hell does that have to do with you playin guitar for me a couple times a month? You don't know anything about me, Deacon! Just cause my dad has money doesn't mean I get a free ride. I'm tryin just as hard as anybody to make it in country music. What would you know about that? You're what 4 or 5 years older than me and still playin in small bars, goin nowhere? If you're so great why haven't you made anything of a music career?"

"You know for needin a favor, you sure as hell aren't very grateful!" Deacon snapped as he left the back room

Rayna really wasn't even sure why she was so flustered. How could this guy she barely knew get under her skin the way he had. She took a few deep breaths and tried to remember everything her mama had ever told her about putting whatever was going on in her life aside, and putting everything into a performance.

"I'll show Deacon Claybourne I don't need him." She reassured herself as she took her seat alone in the writers round


	3. Chapter 3

Feb 26th, 1990 (2nd entry today)

Dear Diary,

Tonight was horrible. If I never see him, or hear the name Deacon Claybourne again it will be too soon. He's the biggest asshole I've ever met. I can't believe Watty thought we'd be a good match onstage.

Overall the performance went well. I hate to admit that Deacon is an amazingly talented guitar player. I need someone like him, but if I have anything to say about it, Deacon would be my last choice EVER!

Why do the good looking guys always have to be such jerks? I just feel like crying myself to sleep.

I can't believe I've let him get to me like this. I'm not even sure why he gets to me this way. He's not important, and I sure as hell don't need him, or his negative crap!

It's hard to believe we meshed so well together onstage, but can't even have a civil conversation offstage. I don't understand why he hates me so much.

A few hours earlier…

Deacon was fuming after his little spat with Rayna. He'd stepped out back to cool off after she grabbed her guitar and refused his help. After a few deep breaths, he'd composed himself enough to get back to work behind the bar. He quietly slipped into the back room, careful not to make any noise as Rayna finished her first song. He couldn't deny she had the sweetest voice he'd ever heard, but her guitar skills, or lack of made him cringe. He felt bad for not being up there to help her. The small crowd clapped politely, but it was pretty lackluster applause.

"What are you do…." Rayna irritatedly whispered as Deacon took the guitar from her, and quietly took a seat next to her in the round

"Just shut up and start your next number! I got this." He snapped back before she could argue any further

"This one's called "No one will ever love you." Rayna told the small crowd as Deacon began the guitar intro

He surprised her when he came in behind her, accompanying her on the chorus line. They finished to a thundering applause from the small crowd.

She was so surprised by the crowds response, she froze for several seconds, unable to remember her final number.

"C'mon sweetheart. Ya got one more song. Relax…" Deacon whispered in her ear as he again began the guitar intro for "Already Gone."

Rayna fell into melody with his guitar strumming, and he again came in behind her with the chorus line. The crowd again clapped and applauded for several minutes, followed by a standing ovation.

"I think they want one more." Deacon smiled and gently took Rayna's hand

"I…I don't have anything else ready…what…" Rayna stammered as Deacon began the intro to one of his own songs and pulled a scribbled sheet from his shirt pocket

"Just follow me, and fill in. Doesn't gotta be perfect. I just wrote this one." He began singing his latest song "Back Home" as Rayna filled in as best she could trying to follow his scribbled lyrics

"You wrote that?" Rayna asked as they finished the song to more applause

"Yeah, why?"

"It just doesn't seem like you. Is it about your girlfriend, or wife?" Rayna was being nosey as she followed Deacon to the back room

"There aint no wife, and I'm not really boyfriend material." Deacon huffed a little irritated with the personal questions

"You might be if you'd lighten up a little. You come across as a jerk! Maybe a clean shirt would help?" Rayna suggested noting the stain on Deacons dress shirt

"I do just fine with the ladies, sweetheart! I haven't had time to do laundry. Some of us don't have round the clock maid service and staff to keep up on all these daily tasks!" Deacon snapped back as he noticed the stain for the first time and felt a bit embarrassed

"You really have a problem with where I come from, don't you?" Rayna asked

"I don't got no problem with where you come from. I just got a problem with the way you seem to think you're better than everyone here, because of where you come from."

"I don't think I'm better th…."

"Save it, Rayna! You're good, real good. Watty's right bout that, but you blow in here from nowhere thinkin you don't need no help. Everybody needs a little help in this business. It's brutal! There aint a bar in Nashville that doesn't have a live band damn near every night. Every one of those people are tryin to make it. Some of em are damn good, better than you, and still strugglin after years. You probably have a better shot because daddy can pay for expensive studio time, and get you heard by more of his highfalutin friends…."

"Are you done?" Rayan snapped before he could say anymore

"Probably wastin my breath anyway, huh?" he turned to gently wipe down and place her mom's old Gibson in it's tattered case.

"You think you know so much about me? You don't know a thing, Deacon!" She was trying to hold back tears. She didn't want to break down in front of him

"Well, whatever your story…I wish you luck, darlin, but this aint my cup a tea!" He snapped the guitar case closed and stood up to go back to work behind the bar

"..and you think you know so much, and plan to make it big?" Rayna spat as he turned to leave the back room

"No, darlin. I'm just tryin to get by. I don't have any big dreams of fame and fortune. I do it because I love music, and I know I'm damn good. Don't really care if anyone else thinks I am, or not. I work too because music is more a hobby than a livin. You heard the crowd out there tonight. That's all I need."

"So why won't you help me?"

"Didn't we just cover that?"

"You're dead wrong about me, Deacon Claybourne! You don't know a thing! How can you just assume I'm some spoiled little rich girl using daddy's money to get ahead? You met me an hour ago."

"Well, I think the BMW and the different pair of lucchese boots to match every expensive outfit, the done up hair and make up pretty much say it all, dear! We're from different sides of town, and I think it's best we keep it that way. I gotta get back to work. Good luck, darlin! I'm sure Watty will find you another guitarist."

"What if I want you?"

"I can't be bought, sweetheart! All your daddy's money isn't enough."

"Why do you hate me so much?" Rayna stammered on the verge of tears again

"That's another thing you're gonna need to learn in this business, darlin. Not everybody's gonna like ya."

"You're such an ass! I wish Watty had never asked you to help me." Rayna burst into tears, grabbed her guitar and ran for the back door before Deacon could catch her

He just caught the tail lights of her BMW as she peeled out of the parking lot. He jumped into his truck, but the temperamental old engine took several tries before it started. Her tail lights were long gone by the time he made it onto the road. After a few miles he turned back to work, unsure of where she might have turned off.

He felt horrible as he returned to his bar tending duties. Sarah wasn't happy he'd been gone for more than an hour, which pretty much set the tone for his foul mood the rest of the night. He barely spoke to anyone as he closed the bar later than night.

"I'm surprised you're home. No women tonight?" Deacon sarcastically asked as he arrived home to Vince still in his underwear on the couch

"Why are you in such a pissy ass mood?" Vince asked as Deacon flopped in the chair with a bottle of Jack, throwing the cap across the room, to join a pile of other caps, bottles, and cans strewn about the apartment

"I dunno, Vince! Maybe cause after I work an extra 8 hour shift to pay rent in this dump, and keep a piece a shit truck runnin, I come back to find you still in the same damn spot on MY couch in your underwear drinkin MY beer!"

"Geez man…sorry, I told ya I got fired! I'll look for a job tomorrow. I called ma. She's sendin me some money. I'll cover my half of the rent. Lighten up, Deke!"

"You know you're the second person that's told me to "Lighten Up" tonight! Am I really that much of an asshole?" Deacon asked as he took a long pull from the Jack bottle

"You're just intense. Somethin buggin ya?"

"No, I don't wanna talk about it."

"oohhh, sounds like female trouble!" Vince tried to joke around and lighten Deacon's mood

Deacon only scowled and took another long pull from the Jack bottle

"Well, you were at the Bluebird. Let me guess…this wouldn't have anything to do with that hot little red head Watty introduced you to, would it?"

"What part of "I don't wanna talk about it" wasn't clear?" Deacon snapped

"K..fine man! You wanna hit broadway? It's only a little after midnight. It's early. The girls from the other night said they'd be at Tootsie's tonight."

"Yeah, best offer I've had all day! Get dressed. We're goin out." An already tipsy Deacon agreed as he finished the bottle of Jack, and tossed it in the corner


	4. Chapter 4

Mar 1st, 1990

Dear Diary,

I met Watty after school today. He had BIG news. Edgehill Republic is interested in "No One Will Ever Love You"! I'm so excited. The only problem is they don't want just me. Deacon jumped in last Thur. The version they saw was a duet. They want us both as a duo. My career is now in the hands of a man who hates me. Damn you, Deacon Claybourne!

Now I have to find him, and kiss his arrogant ass to get him to agree to do this. If he refuses, I'm done and what could be my BIG chance is gone.

I guess this is what mama meant when she said "Be careful of the toes you step on in this business today. They may be attached to the ass you have to kiss tomorrow."

…and what an ass it is I have to kiss! Deacon hates me! I have no idea what I'd even say if I found him. At least he's cute. If we have to do promo pictures, I guess that's a plus.

Earlier in the day…

"Hey kid, got some good news for you. There was a rep from Edgehill Republic Records in the audience at the Bluebird the other night. He said he tried to catch you, but you left in a hurry. Anyway, he really liked the duet of "No One Will Ever Love You" between you and Deacon. Wants you two to put a demo together and line up some more performances around town to gage interest." Watty smiled wide as Rayna joined him in a small café booth after school on an early March afternoon

"Really? Oh my gosh! That's amazing, Watty!" Rayna stood up, and threw her arms around Watty

"I lined up a small studio for Friday afternoon to cut the demo, but I haven't been able to reach Deacon. Have you talked to him since last Thur?" Watty asked unaware of the spat between Rayna and Deacon

"…uuhhhh…Does Deacon really need to be part of this?" Rayna asked

"Edgehill specifically asked for a duo. The liked what they saw last Thur. Any idea how to get a hold of Deacon?" Watty asked

"No, and I really don't want to work with him, Watty. Can we just get another guitarist?"

"It's not that simple, Rayna. They liked the duet and your voices together. Deacon is very well known for his guitar playing skills. The kid could tour with the best of the best if he wanted to. For whatever reason, he chooses to play local gigs and write independently. He's never wanted the fame, and he's developed a bit of a bad reputation." Watty explained

"So why does Edgehill wanna stick me with him?" Rayna asked confused

"I'm not sure, but they liked you together and that's what they're askin for. So this is your "in." We need to give them what they want for now. Once you're in, and get signed, we can change things up a bit. For now, I need you and Deacon as a duo."

"So they wanna sign us to the label?" Rayna asked excited

"Not just yet. They just wanna do a test run with a demo, and see some more live shows to gage public interest, but this is how it starts. You're on your way, kid."

"I need you and Deacon at the studio Friday 4pm. I'll keep tryin to reach him myself, but he can be elusive when he's drinkin. If you have any idea how to reach him I could use your help too." Watty said

"Wait…he drinks a lot?" Rayna asked

"At times, yeah! He's a 21 year old guy livin with a buddy. He likes to party, but he's talented enough to make it big in country music if he'd just apply himself a little, and together I think you two can really go far. The rep from Edgehill recorded you and Deacon. He played it for me. You're amazing together, Rayna. We need to use that."

"Deacon hates me, Watty! He's never gonna agree to help me, and he could care less about his own music career."

"I doubt he hates you. Deacon is just a little rough around the edges. He's had a tough life. Deep down he's a good kid."

"OK, I'll try to help you find him by Friday. I don't have an address or phone number for him. I know he bartends at the Bluebird sometimes, and plays a set once in a while."

"Here's all the information I have on him, address, home phone. I've left a couple messages, but there's no answer and he hasn't called back. Maybe if you called, Rayna?" Watty said as he handed her a slip with Deacon's contact info.

"I can try, but I really don't think he wants to hear from me."


	5. Chapter 5

Mar 3rd, 1990

Dear Diary,

I think I'm in love. I thought I loved Bobby Frank sophomore year, but it was nothing like this.

A week ago, I thought I hated Deacon Claybourne. I'm still not quite sure how this happened, but it's amazing. He's amazing. I've never felt such attraction to anyone. He kissed me tonight in the Bluebird parking lot, and the world stopped. He's so gentle and loving. I've never felt so safe or cared for in anyone else's arms.

I can't believe this is the same guy that was such a jerk last week. I completely misjudged him.

He's taking me out for my birthday on Sat, and I can't wait to be alone with him again. I know our first date is going to be magical.

Oh and he agreed to do the demo…we're recording Friday! Everything is amazing right now!

Several hours ago…

"Hey, Deacon! It's Rayna again. I've been trying to reach you for two days. I know we have our differences, and really didn't hit it off, but music means everything to me. Like I said in the last message, we really have a shot here as a duo. Can you PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE just call me back?" Rayna sighed as she hung up again. She'd tried to call Deacon dozens of times in the last 48 hours, and left at least half a dozen messages to no avail

"Hi Watty. Have you had any luck with Deacon?" she sadly asked into the phone

"No honey, I'm sorry. He hasn't answered any calls and hasn't returned any messages. I even stopped by his apartment. His truck wasn't there, and no one answered the door. I did also stop at the Bluebird. They haven't seen him since Thursday night either, but Sarah did say he's scheduled to work behind the bar tonight for 4 hours from 8 to midnight. Can you possibly try to stop in there? I'd do it myself, but I'm doing a live radio broadcast then."

"I dunno, Watty. Wednesday nights daddy, Tandy and I have dinner at the country club together. I'm not sure how I'd get away, or what excuse I'd use. I'll try to come up with something but Wednesdays are the one day of the week daddy has dinner with us and usually comes home for the night after dinner." Rayna sighed again, feeling hopeless as she hung up

Across town Deacon and Vince had just arrived home. They'd taken an impromptu trip to Memphis with Kelly and Jessica the two women they were sorta seeing, or sleeping with to be more accurate. They'd left the apartment the previous Thursday night to meet the girls at Tootsies.

One drunken thing had led to another. Next thing they knew they had all crammed into Deacon's old truck and ended up on Beale Street in Memphis. They'd checked into a cheap hotel and stayed through the weekend. Deacon's girlfriend Kelly needed to get to Chattanooga by Tue for a family funeral. He'd left Vince and Jessica in Memphis while he took Kelly to Chattanooga.

It was now Wednesday afternoon. He was exhausted and irritated by the fact that he had to work tonight as he, Vince and Jessica entered the apartment.

"Hey Vince, check the mail and see if your mama's check showed up. It's the 3rd and rents late. I spent all my money in Memphis coverin the hotel and gas. You're gonna have to get rent. I'm goin to bed for a few hours before my shift tonight. Unless the place is on fire, leave me the hell alone." Deacon sniped as he slammed his bedroom door. He was extremely irritable coming off a 6 day bender, and after a 3 hour drive crammed in the truck with Vince and Jessica

"Hey Deke, there are several messages on the machine for you." Vince called as Deacon sleepily shuffled into the bathroom for a quick shower before work a few hours later

"I don't care. I'll listen tomorrow. You pay rent?" Deacon asked

"Yeah, I took care of it."

An hour later Deacon shuffled into the Bluebird for his 4 hour shift, carrying the biggest cup of coffee he could get from McDonalds drive thru

"You look like hell! What happened to you?" Sarah asked as Deacon joined her behind the bar

"I dunno. I don't remember much since sometime last week." Deacon mumbled

"You really need to cut back on the drinkin binges, Deke. That shits gonna kill ya." Sarah squeezed his shoulder as she passed him on the way to the office

"I'm good, just tired. Thanks for the concern." Deacon tried to smile

"OK, well, should be an easy night. It's been slow. Just a couple unknowns in the round. We're barely half sold out for tonight."

Across town the Wyatt's were just finishing up dinner at the country club.

"Thanks for dinner, daddy. I have an early meeting. Gonna head home. I'll see you Sat for shopping, Rayna." Tandy said her goodbyes as Rayna and Lamar climbed into their father's waiting limo

"Oh ya know what daddy, I need to run to Megan's to get some notes for school. I have a history test tomorrow. I'll be right back." Rayna said as she climbed out of the limo in the driveway at home

"It's after 10, Rayna. It's a school night. Do you really need the notes tonight?" Lamar asked as Rayna headed towards her red BMW

"Yeah, daddy. I'll make it quick. My test is tomorrow. I need to study the notes tonight."

"Why didn't you take your own notes? If you'd done the work yourself you wouldn't need Megan's notes." Lamar sniped

"Megan's better at takin notes daddy, that's all. Promise I'll be right back." Rayna again moved towards her car waiting for Lamar's next objection, but he simply sighed

"Back in 30 minutes, young lady, alright? I'll be in my study. Please come say good night so I know you're home." Lamar said as Rayna climbed into her BMW

She'd managed to escape, but knew there was no way she'd be back in 30 minutes. The Bluebird was all the way on the other side of town, and she'd need time to talk to Deacon. She hoped Lamar would get caught up in some pressing business detail and forget all about her. He rarely paid much attention to what she was doing, and most of the staff didn't care much for him since her mothers death. They usually kept quiet about Rayna's comings and goings.

It was almost 11 by the time she pulled into the Bluebird parking lot. Deacon's old blue truck was there. She finally breathed a sigh of relief. She'd found him. Now she just needed to convince him to do the demo on Friday, and play some gigs with her around town.

It was a slow night, approaching closing time. Deacon was half asleep on a bar stool waiting for the writers round to finish up so he could begin the closing routine, go home, and pass out

Rayna quietly entered, careful not to disturb the round. Deacon's back was to the door. He hadn't noticed she'd walked in.

"Hey…Deacon, can we talk? Please?" she asked

"Rayna…what….why are you here? It's late! Don't you got school in the mornin?"

"Yeah, but you won't return my calls. We need to talk."

"Bout what? It's really late. You shouldn't be in this part of town alone now." He answered with what she thought was actually concern

"Haven't you listened to any of my messages?" she asked

"No, sweetheart, no…I…I've been outta town for damn near a week. I just got back in time for a nap, shower, and just made it to work on time. What are you leavin me messages bout?"

"Where have you been for a week?" she asked without really considering it wasn't any of her business

"ahhh…just me, Vince, and a couple lady friends went to Memphis." He was really to tired to argue or make up something

"Thought you weren't boyfriend material?" Rayna recalled his own words from last time they'd spoken, and felt a twinge of jealousy at the thought of Deacon with someone.

"She's not really my girlfriend …just….ahhh…." he suddenly felt weird talking to Rayna about another woman

"Sex…she's just sex?" Rayna asked more accusingly than she'd meant

"What is it you wanna talk to me bout?" he asked changing the subject

"Well, apparently there was a rep from Edgehill Republic Records here last Thur night. They really liked what they heard when we sang "No One Will Ever Love You", and they want us to do a demo, and play a few more live shows around town. Watty got a studio set up for Friday at 4 so we can record the demo. I just wanted to ask if you'd do it?" she held her breath as Deacon thought about her request

"I dunno, Rayna. What does all that mean? They want a demo…and a few shows…and then what?" he asked

"This could be my big break, Deacon. Yours too. I'm not sure where it will all go, but I wanna find out. Please just say you'll do it? Watty said we just need to give them what they ask for now, and after we're signed we can change things up a little and have more say in….."

"Wait wait …just wait a damn minute! You're askin me to get signed to a label…with you as a duo?" he asked

"We're not signed yet, but Watty says this is the beginning of big things. Please Deacon? I'm begging you. I will do whatever you want if you'll just help me out here?" she was pleading with him

"Rayna, we sang together once. This is crazy. We barely know each other. Hell, a week ago I didn't think we even liked each other. I need some time to think bout this, and talk to Watty."

"OK, but we don't have much time. Watty wants to do the demo Friday."

"Alright, you need to get home. It's almost midnight. Let me walk you to your car. This isn't the best neighborhood." Deacon gently helped her from the bar stool, and placed his arm around her waist as he led her to her car

"So…you'll really consider it?" she asked hopeful as he opened her car door for her

"Yeah, I'm considerin." He smiled and his eyes twinkled under the street lights. She'd thought he was cute before, but now looking at him she realized how handsome he was.

"Rayna, I'm sorry I was such an ass before. You're right. I don't know anything about you. It was wrong of me to judge you, and I'm really sorry. Can we start over, and maybe be friends?"

"Yeah, I'd like that, Deacon. I'm sorry too for thinking the worst, and fighting you when you only meant to help me. Thanks for playin guitar for me last week."

"Anytime, sweetheart. We make a pretty good pair onstage, and …." He stopped short of saying offstage, afraid of her reaction

"Offstage?" she finished for him and smiled sheepishly melting his heart as he looked into her eyes

"Yeah, that too…uuhhhh…." He blushed not sure where to go from there

"Rayna, I like you. A lot more than I should…I mean…not that I shouldn't or anything, but…" he was fumbling for the right words

"…but I'm too young?" she asked sadly

"A little, yeah. Your daddy would have me by the balls if anything happened between us and…." He sadly looked away

"I like you too, Deacon! …and What if I said I'll be 18 in a few days?" she pulled him closer, her hands on his waist, their faces only inches apart

"72 hours, huh? Got any birthday plans?" he asked smiling as he brushed her hair gently away from her face for a better view into her green eyes

"Are you asking me out, Deacon Claybourne?" she flirtingly replied tightening her grip on his belt

"Are you agreeing to go out with me?" he whispered, as he moved closer, pulling her against him, leaning in for a kiss

The chemistry between them was like an electrical charge as their lips touched. Rayna had dated, and kissed other boys, but it never felt like that. Deacon was so soft and tender. He was so gentle she barely felt his touch at first. She pulled him to her prompting him to deepen the kiss, unable to get enough of his touch. He held her tight never breaking the kiss. When he finally pulled away she was breathless. Her knees felt as if they might buckle. He gently lowered her into the driver's seat of her BMW, stealing another sweet kiss as he did.

"Goodnight Ray. Drive safe, baby. I'll see ya Friday for the demo." He gently closed the door and watched as her taillights faded out of sight, missing her already.


	6. Chapter 6

Mar 6th, 1990

Dear Diary,

I'm really confused about tonight with Deacon. He showed up with flowers, and really made an effort to look nice. I think he even bought new clothes and boots. He was so handsome. It took every ounce of control I had not to attack him with kisses.

He seemed a little distant at first, but then we spent several hours on a blanket at Centennial park. I shared things with him I've never been comfortable sharing with anyone else. He was so sweet and loving. It feel so great to just lay in his arms. We fit perfectly together like puzzle pieces.

By the end of the date the awkwardness had returned. I thought things had gone really well. I wanted a goodnight kiss so bad. I should have just done it. Would it have been wrong to kiss him goodnight?

I really don't get it. We made out in the Bluebird parking lot the other night. He pulled me into a dark studio for a kiss yesterday. It makes no sense that he didn't kiss me goodnight at the end of our first date, or ask to see me again. God, I want to see him again. I miss him so much already, but I'm not sure he feels the same.

Why the flowers?

Why the effort with new clothes and boots?

I'm soo confused! Have I done something to upset him? Maybe crying about mama bothered him?

I could really use her advice right now. Once again, I feel like just crying myself to sleep over Deacon Claybourne. Damn him! Why does he have to be so fucking handsome?

I need to get myself together. This is stupid! It was one date. If he's not interested, he's not interested.

Maybe I need to just forget him, and consider this a working relationship? …but now I just wanna cry

The studio…2 days earlier

"Hey…C'mere!" Deacon whispered as he pulled Rayna into a dark recording booth

"Hey…." She smiled, wrapping her arms around his neck as he pulled her close

"Do you know how much I've missed you?" he asked as he dotted kisses along her neck line, sending tingles down her spine

"I've missed you too. All I've thought about is tomorrow, and our first date."

"Me too, baby. What would you like to do? Whatever you want, birthday girl."

"Surprise me!" she laughed

"OK, think I hear Watty in the hall. We should probably get to work on this demo, huh?" he held her hand as he led her down the hall to the studio Watty had reserved for them

"Oh, you're both here. Great, let's get started. We have a few hours if you wanna rehearse a little. I know you haven't had much time working together. We'll get "No One Will Ever Love You", and you can pick a couple others to put on the demo. I'm working on some gigs around town for you too. You're both OK with all this and in agreement to work together as a duo?" Watty asked, smiling. He'd noticed they were holding hands when they walked in.

"Yeah, we're good." Deacon answered as he looked lovingly at Rayna who nodded in agreement

"Not sure what you've done to that boy, but I've never seen him so happy." Watty whispered to Rayna while Deacon tuned his Martin

"OK, I think we've got a good recording of "No One Will Ever Love You". Why don't we have each of you sing one of your own songs to give Edgehill a taste of what you can do separately?" Watty suggested

A couple hours later Watty was happy with the 3 song demo. Rayna had recorded "Already Gone", and Deacon had recorded "Back Home", to go along with "No One Will Ever Love You".

"I'm sorry to rush off, baby. I gotta work at 8. I'll pick ya up tomorrow around 6, OK?" Deacon asked as he walked Rayna to her car outside the studio hand in hand

"uuuhhmmm…How about I just meet you somewhere?" Rayna suggested

"Somethin wrong?" he asked

"No, I just…it's complicated with my dad, that's all." She felt Deacon tense a little

"Complicated? You mean…he wouldn't approve…of me?" he asked a little hurt, letting go of her hand

"It's not just you, Deacon. It's anyone I date. He's just…I dunno, he's not easy to deal with, that's all." She tried to smooth things over. She could tell Deacon was upset.

"OK. Whatever you want. How about you just meet me on the walking bridge at 6? We'll decide from there what to do. Look, I gotta go. Gonna be late to work." He quickly turned to go, his demeanor suddenly distant

"Deacon…." She called after him, but he only waved, and kept walking

"What's wrong with you?" Vince asked as Deacon served him a beer later that night at the Bluebird

"Nothin! Why aren't you at work?" Deacon snapped

"Fired!" Vince looked away

"DAMMIT VINCE! What's it's been? 3 days? What the hell'd ya do this time?"

"Failed a drug test. I smoked some pot with Jessica last night. I didn't know they were gonna test me today. It's not like you haven't done it, Deke!"

"I can't keep coverin all the bills, Vince! Your mama's gonna quit sendin money eventually. You gotta get your shit together and keep a damn job, man!"

"You seemed to have plenty of money for those new clothes and boots." Vince smirked

"Yeah, well…I'll probably take em back!"

"Thought you wanted to look all spiffy for Rayna." Vince laughed

"Shut up, Vince!"

"Trouble in paradise already? What happened? You've been so happy since ya asked her out. Didn't the demo recording go good today?" Vince asked more seriously noticing Deacon seemed upset

"Demo went great."

"Then…I'm confused, first dates tomorrow, right?"

"I dunno. Maybe askin her out was a mistake. What the hell do we have in common, anyway?" Deacon sadly said as he wiped down the bar

"Music, and you seem to be crazy about her. I saw that look when you first saw her. Why the sudden change of heart, Deke?"

"I am crazy about her, but just not sure I'm what she needs. She deserves better."

"Geez Deke! It's a date. You're not marryin her! Just go out, and see what happens."

"Yeah, I guess you're right. I just never really thought much about anything beyond a date, or one night with anyone until Rayna."

"Hey, Sorry I'm late. Happy Birthday, Ray!" Deacon smiled as he handed Rayna a bouquet of colorful spring Tulips

"Thanks, they're pretty. You look nice, Deacon. You didn't have to get all dressed up. I like the blue dress shirt. Really brings out your eyes."

"You're awfully damn beautiful, Ray. What the hell you see in a guy like me, I'll never know." He leaned against the railing, looking out at the river below.

"Is something wrong, Deacon?"

"No, it's nothin, sweetheart. C'mon, we got your birthday to celebrate. What sounds good for dinner?" he asked as he took her hand, trying to push away his feelings of not being good enough for her

"Why don't we just get something simple and go to a park or somewhere quiet to talk." She smiled and squeezed his hand

"Anything you want, baby. It's your day."

An hour later they were in Centennial park sharing a pizza on an old blanket Deacon kept in his truck. Rayna gently laid her head on his chest as the sun set. He wrapped his arms around her tight.

"There's nowhere I'd rather be tonight, Deacon. Thank you for making my birthday special."

"I didn't do much, Ray. You sure there isn't anywhere else you wanna go? Movie? See a band? Anything you wanna do is fine, Ray."

"I just wanna stay right here with you." She wrapped her arms around him."

Deacon was quiet as he drove Rayna back to her car near the bridge downtown. They'd spent hours together at the park, talking, walking, holding each other on the blanket.

It was after midnight. They'd lost track of time talking about music, hopes, dreams, the past, the future. It was mostly Rayna that shared her past, telling Deacon about her mom…

Earlier…

"I miss her soo much." Rayan had cried on Deacon's shoulder as she talked about her mom's car accident, and not really getting to say goodbye. Her father had been out of town. He'd told her and Tandy the next day when he returned that there had been an accident.

"I'm soo sorry, Ray." Deacon had just held her and let her cry, rubbing her back

"He was so cold, like he didn't really care that she was gone. He didn't show any emotion. It was more like he was telling us about a business venture that hadn't worked out or something. The funeral was the next day. The coffin was closed. I never got to see her. Daddy left an hour after the service on another business trip. He never hugged us, or said he was sorry. He just went on with business like nothing ever happened."

"Tell me about her, Ray. What was she like? Remember the happy times with her, baby. It's OK to hurt, and cry, but it's your 18th birthday, sweetie. I'm sure she wouldn't want you spendin it cryin." Deacon had sweetly wiped Rayna's tears away and gently kissed her, trying to make her smile

"She was gone a lot touring, but on Christmas vacation and summers she'd let me go with her on the tour bus. I loved every second of it. I got to sing with her band at sound check, and watch her shows from backstage. I met so many famous artists. After the shows we'd always stay up late at the hotels and order room service. When we were in big cities she'd always take me shopping at the malls, and let me get whatever I wanted. The best part was just being with her."

"Sounds like you got a lot of great memories. That's what you gotta remember and keep with ya. I'm sure she's damn proud of you now. Startin your own music career. Only a few months in, and you already caught Edgehill's attention."

"I have you to thank for that, Deacon. They never noticed until the night you helped me. I know it's only our first date, but I feel so close to you. I've never told anyone about mama like this before. I've never felt so comfortable onstage or in a recording booth as I do with you by my side. Thank you, Deacon, for everything." She smiled and felt so warm, nuzzled into him. It was a perfect fit against him. He just smiled and held her tighter

"It's you they're lookin at, Darlin. I'm just the sideshow playin guitar."

"You're so much more than that, Deacon. You're an amazing guitarist, and writer. Watty says you could really make it big if you just wanted to."

"I dunno, Ray. I never really pictured myself as anybody special. I'm OK with local gigs and session work. I write for myself to express feelins I maybe can't say too well. I'm not quite sure how to feel bout all this Edgehill attention."

"…but you wanna do it, right?" she asked hoping he wasn't changing his mind

"Course, sweetheart. For you, I'll do it. I know what it means to ya now after hearin ya talk about yer mama."

"Did I upset you yesterday when I didn't want you to pick me up?" Rayna had been waiting for the right time to approach the subject. Deacon's reaction and just walking away like he had bothered her

"Ya know, Ray, it's pretty late. Your birthday's been over for bout 20 minutes now. We should probably call it a night and head back to your car before yer daddy sends out a search party." He was up and pulling Rayna to her feet before she could protest

"OK." She decided not to press him. The night had been so amazing, and she felt closer to him after laying in his arms talking for hours. She didn't want to push him away again.

"I had a really nice time tonight, Ray." Deacon said as he put his truck in park and turned off the ignition near her car downtown

"Me too, Deacon. Thanks for making my birthday special." She smiled as she picked up the tulips he'd given her.

They sat in silence for a few awkward moments. Deacon seemed to be deep in thought as he looked out towards the river and city lights. He was fighting an inner battle. Afraid to lose Rayna, but more afraid of living up to her expectations if he continued a relationship with her. She'd already made it clear she didn't want him to meet her father. Not that he really wanted to either, but if they were going through with this Edgehill thing, and becoming an item, he'd have to meet Lamar at some point.

"So, regular gig at the Bluebird Thur?" he finally broke the intense silence

"Yeah, gonna need my guitarist if you're up for it?" she asked

"Wouldn't miss it."

"Sooooooooo…." She sighed after a few more minutes of awkward silence. She had hoped he'd kiss her goodnight, and ask for another date, but he didn't seem to be moving in that direction as the awkwardness filled the truck.

"Soo….." he only smiled and didn't move towards her, or show any sign of asking for another date

"I guess, I'll go. Thanks again, Deacon." Her voice cracked a little in hurt and disappointment as she reached for the door handle

"Goodnight, Ray. Happy Birthday! See ya Thur."


	7. Chapter 7

Mar 7th, 1990

Dear Diary,

I was hoping I'd feel better after a decent night's sleep. No such luck. I can't stop thinking about Deacon.

Should I try to call him, or just wait till Thur? He said he'd play guitar for me at the Bluebird on Thur.

I don't wanna push him any further away, but I need to know what I did that was so wrong?

Deacon, the night before as Rayna drove away…

"DAMMIT!" Deacon punched the dashboard. He'd heard Rayna's voice crack as she said goodnight, and quickly got out of his truck. He'd seen her wipe away a few tears as she quickly started her BMW and sped away. He felt horrible as he drove home.

"Hey, how'd the big date go?" Vince asked looking up from his make out session with Jessica

"Don't ask!" Deacon snapped as he slammed his bedroom door

He flopped on his bed staring at the ceiling. He closed his eyes trying to get his mind to shut off. She was in every thought. She'd looked so sad sitting there next to him on the bench seat in his old truck. He wanted to kiss her, but at the same time he felt so confused and conflicted about the possibility of a relationship. He'd dated. He'd had a lot of one night stands during drunken binges. None of them really mattered. Hell if he was honest he couldn't remember most of their names.

Rayna was different than all of the others. He found himself wanting to protect her. Seeing her hurt was the last thing he wanted, and he sure as hell didn't want to be the cause, although it seemed that's exactly what he'd done.

He really had enjoyed being with her. He could have held her all night. It felt so natural, so normal, like they were meant to be together. She fit perfectly against his side as they laid together under the stars talking for hours. He hadn't known her mother was the one and only Virginia Wyatt, or that her mother had passed away when Rayna was only 12.

He wanted to know so much more, but fear was holding him back. Fear of losing her, fear of hurting her, or disappointing her. The biggest fear of all…deep down, he wasn't sure he was good enough for her. She came from an affluent family. Her mother was country royalty. He wasn't overly familiar with her father, but he'd heard the name Lamar Wyatt around town, on the news, seen it on billboards, and in the newspaper.

Rayna herself obviously didn't think her father would approve of Deacon. It only reinforced his beliefs that maybe asking her out had been a mistake. Mistake or not, he couldn't get Rayna Jaymes off his mind.

Unable to sleep, he got up. Vince and Jessica were passed out in front of the TV. He went to the fridge for a beer. There were none. He opened the liquor cabinet. Also empty. Vince and Jessica had cleaned out every ounce of alcohol in the apartment.

"Goddamn Vince!" he mumbled under his breath

He glanced at the clock. It was just after 3am. There was a liquor store across town that was open till 4am. He slipped on his boots, grabbed his keys, and was in his truck driving before he realized what he was doing. Arriving just in time, he bought a case of beer and 2 bottles of Jack. Once back in the truck, he popped open a bottle of Jack.

Wide awake and still thinking about Rayna, he found himself in her Belle Meade neighborhood. He had a pretty good idea of where she lived, and easily found her red BMW in front of a large house. There were still some upstairs lights on. He wondered if maybe she was awake.

"What the hell am I doin?" he mumbled to himself as he turned around to leave Rayna's neighborhood

Half a bottle of Jack later he pulled back into his apartment parking lot. It was after 6am. The sun was coming up over Nashville.

"You go out again?" Vince sleepily asked pulling his arm out from under Jessica as Deacon quietly entered the apartment

"Just to the liquor store and drivin around." Deacon mumbled as he put the beer and full bottle of Jack away. He took the half bottle and retreated to the balcony.

"You wanna talk about it?" Vince asked as he joined Deacon on the balcony

"Actually givin a damn about a woman sucks." Deacon sighed and took another pull from the bottle

"I'm confused…soooo, you like her?" Vince asked

"I think I might actually love her."

"…and she doesn't feel the same, or what's the problem?"

"Yeah, I think she does. THAT'S the problem! I can't live up to her expectations, Vince. I'm barely gettin by. She's used to nice things, and nice restaurants, and …I dunno…I don't fit into that world. Dinners at the country club with her daddy. What the hell's he gonna say when she brings me home? …and this dump. I can't bring her here."

"Opposites attract, Deke! How does she feel? Have you even given her a chance to tell you? You won't know till you try."

"Not exactly, I guess. I wanted to pick her up for our first date. She didn't want me anywhere near her daddy! Kinda got me thinkin bout all this, ya know? Maybe it's best to just end it now before …." He trailed off sadly

"Before what? Before she dumps you, Deke?" Vince asked pointedly

"Maybe, hell I dunno! I've never felt this way. I've never cared if there was a second date, or worried about a future. Never mattered what someone's parents thought because I never planned to meet em. Ray's different. I wanna know everything about her. I hate like hell that I've already hurt her."

"So make it up to her. Maybe you should be sayin all this to her. See how she feels before you just assume she wouldn't be happy with you. She went out with you, didn't she?

"Yeah, it's just complicated."

"No, it's really not, Deke! You're makin it a whole lot more complicated than it needs to be. Talk to her before you lose her."

"You're right. Since when did you learn so much bout women?" Deacon laughed, feeling a little better after actually talking about his feelings

"Hey, I've had a few relationships!" Vince seemed a little hurt

"Oh like 3 dates?" Deacon laughed as he took another long pull from the Jack bottle

"I've been on like 6 dates with Jessica, and we spent that week together in Memphis." Vince was getting defensive

"OK, ya got me. Soo, you and Jessica an item now?" Deacon asked

"Sorta, I guess. Speakin of that, her friend Kelly will be back from Chattanooga next week. What are you gonna do about her, Deke?"

"I can only deal with one woman at a time. Let me sort this out with Ray before I worry about Kelly."

"OK, just thought I'd warn ya. With me and Jessica hooked up now, Kelly's probably thinkin you guys are too."

"Great, I'll worry bout it next week. Right now, I'm exhausted. I haven't been to bed. Wake me up in about 6 hours."

"OK, will do."

"…and Vince, Thanks. I needed the talk. You're right about everything. I don't wanna lose, Ray."


	8. Chapter 8

Mar 9th, 1990

Dear Diary,

I'm happier than I've ever been. I'm pretty sure this is what love feels like. Deacon and I talked. Saturday was a big miscommunication.

Guess we need to work on that, but right now everything feels so right.

I'm falling in love with him, and I think he feels the same.

It's too soon to say the L word, but it was on the tip of my tongue as we kissed goodnight. We spent hours after school just laying on a blanket, talking, making up, and making out.

He's so sweet and caring. We're together, all because he left me a single rose, and an "I miss you" note. So simple, yet so powerful.

I still can't believe he's mine. He's absolutely the most handsome man I've ever seen. His eyes are such a deep blue. His hair is so soft. His kisses melt me everytime. We fit so perfectly together. Puzzle pieces. Lock and key. He has my heart.

I'd give him forever if he asked

A couple days earlier. Sunday morning, after the date…

She'd sauntered downstairs. Mrs. Mays the Wyatt's long time cook had made a large Sunday breakfast.

"Daddy must be home, huh?" Rayna asked as she took a seat at the breakfast bar

"mmm hhmmm…been home since last night. In his office takin calls now. He barked his breakfast order round 4am." The tired looking older black lady smiled

Rayna was picking at her eggs when Lamar came into the kitchen 20 minutes later

"You were out kinda late, young lady!"

"I went out with a friend for my birthday. Sorry." Rayna sadly answered still thinking about Deacon

"Oh, that's right. 18! Happy Birthday, sweetheart! I'll call Tandy. We'll do a birthday dinner at the country club tonight."

"Great!" Rayna sighed. It was always the country club. She hated the place as much as her mother had.

"Just because you're 18, the house rules haven't changed. I was up taking a business call from Tokyo when you rolled in at 2am! That's unacceptable for a young girl. Who were you with so late?" Lamar asked

"Doesn't matter, daddy! I'm not going to be seeing him anymore anyway." She scraped her uneaten breakfast into the garbage disposal and put her plate in the sink

"You were with a boy? Anyone I know?" Lamar asked

"No, it's not important. Like I said, probably won't be seeing him again anyway. Forget it, OK?" Rayna asked trying to slip away before he could drill her for more information

"What decent young man kept my daughter out until 2am? Someone from school?"

"You don't know him. Can we just drop it, please? It's over. It doesn't matter."

"If not school, where did you meet him?" Lamar continued to press

"He's a friend of a friend, OK. It didn't go well. It's over. PLEASE, just drop it daddy! I don't wanna talk about it." Rayna replied almost on the verge of tears again. She really couldn't tell Lamar how she'd met Deacon. He hated Watty, and didn't know she'd been singing at the Bluebird.

"Seems you have a lot of friends I'm unfamiliar with lately, huh?" Lamar sniped. She wondered if he did know more than he was letting on. Her father was a powerful man. If he wanted information he was capable of getting it.

"Since when do you care?" Rayna sarcastically answered as she tried to slip away once again

"That's enough, Rayna! I'm just asking what my daughter's been up to. I have that right, you know?"

"Fine, are we done?" Rayna asked defiantly

'We're done, FOR NOW! …but just remember …18 doesn't mean the rules have changed, young lady! You're in my house. You'll live by my rules. I want you home by 9 on school nights, and 11 on weekends. I'd like to know who you're with. I don't think that's asking too much. Dinner at 6. Be ready!"

"Fine, whatever!" Rayna quipped as she stomped towards the stairs to retreat to her bedroom alone

She slammed her bedroom door, and flopped onto her bed in a fit of tears.

After she'd cried for nearly 30 minutes she sat up. She grabbed her phone from the night stand and dialed Deacon's number.

It rang 4 times before going to the answering machine. She considered leaving a message, but decided calling was a mistake and quickly hung up, thankful he hadn't answered.

What would she say anyway? He clearly wasn't interested.

"Let it go. You're just gonna look pathetic, and you have to work with him." She reminded herself out loud

She considered calling again. Maybe telling him off would make her feel better, or she'd just lose the best guitar player she'd ever met, and blow her chances with Edgehill.

2 days passed. She'd picked up the phone more times than she cared to admit, only to talk herself out of calling him. Rayna sat in her final hour study hall on Tuesday afternoon. Deacon was still weighing heavily on her mind and heart. The end of the day bell only temporarily shook her thoughts.

She was contemplating the Thursday night gig at the Bluebird, as she mindlessly grabbed her things from her locker, and shuffled to her car in the high school parking lot. She hadn't even given her music a second thought since the weekend. She needed to practice some new material before Thursday, but all she could think about was Deacon.

She turned the key, and fumbled with the radio. Once she'd found the station she wanted, she shifted the car into reverse. It wasn't until she'd backed out and shifted into drive that she looked up at the front windshield. There was a single red rose under the driver's side wiper blade with a note.

She quickly pulled back into her parking space, nearly forgetting to put the car in park as she excitedly climbed out to grab the rose and note

[ I miss you! Can we talk? I'll be at the park. ]

Her heart nearly exploded. She stared at the rose and note for several seconds trying to decide what it meant.

"He wants to talk. About what? Us? Maybe just work? Why the rose? He misses me." she wondered what it all meant

As she drove the few miles to Centennial park, she wasn't sure how to feel. She'd been miserable for 3 days over this guy. He hadn't bothered to contact her until now.

"Was this just another mixed message?" she asked herself as she pulled into the park

His truck was already there. Deacon was stretched out on the blanket. The same place they'd talked for hours just a few days ago. His Martin was nearby, along with his bag and some notebooks. He'd been writing.

"God, he's gorgeous laying there in the sunlight, sunglasses covering his deep blue eyes." She thought as she approached him, heart beating faster with each step closer

"No, I'm gonna be strong. I can't let him play games. One day he wants me, the next he doesn't. I need to know what I am to him. Am I just like the girl he took to Memphis last week? Just sex? He didn't deny that when I asked about her. Am I just another muse for him when he feels like it?" Several scenarios crossed Rayna's mind as she neared the blanket and Deacon. She'd actually made herself angry by the time she got to him.

"Hey…" she was doing her best to stay angry, when all she really wanted to do was fall into his arms and let him hold her, taking the hurt from the past few days away

"Oh, hey…you snuck up on me. I haven't been sleepin very good. Guess I dozed off." He smiled and removed his sunglasses

"That makes two of us." She maintained her stance a few feet from him. He could tell she was angry.

"Thank you…for comin" he flashed another smile, but she stayed strong

"I almost didn't." She lied. The truth was she'd have done anything he asked

"Wouldn't have blamed you. Sit down, please?" he asked trying to bridge the awkward gap between them

She remained ridged as she joined him on the blanket. He gently brushed her red locks away from her eyes. She was fighting an inner battle to stay strong as an electrical impulse surged through her with his touch. Her heart fluttered, and her resolve nearly crumbled as he looked into her eyes.

"You're so damn beautiful, Ray! I….I'm sorry for all the mixed signals. I….Goddammit, I suck at this shit!" He looked away nervously struggling for the right words to apologize, to say he was crazy about her, to say he never wanted to hurt her

"Do you say that to all your girlfriends?" she asked, hurt evident in her voice, still remaining cool with him

"You're not gonna make this easy on me, are ya?" he laughed, his eyes crinkling in the corners

"The truth…yeah, I've probably said it before. The thing is…I've never meant it before." he paused and took deep breath. She could see he was being sincere and struggling for words.

"It kinda hurt Saturday night when you didn't kiss me goodnight, or ask to see me again. I thought maybe I did something to upset you, and you didn't want to see me again." Rayna teared up a little

"No, no…baby, that wasn't it at all. I DID want to kiss you goodnight. I wanted to ask for another date. I just…I'm havin a hard time believin you really wanna be with a guy like me. You deserve a lot better, Ray. I can't give you everything you deserve. I didn't come from a wealthy family. I barely get by with what I make as a bartender, and session work."

"Do you really think any of that matters, Deacon?"

"I dunno, Ray. When I asked to pick you up, you didn't want me to meet your dad. Kinda got me thinkin about all of it. I felt like maybe askin you out was a mistake." He looked away from her gaze

"Do you still feel like it was a mistake?" she asked sadly

"No, sweetheart! I haven't stopped thinkin about you for a second since you left me Saturday night. I felt horrible for lettin you go thinkin I didn't wanna see ya again. I'm sorry, baby. Probably don't deserve it, but I'd really like another chance." He leaned in closer, and put his forehead against hers

"Deacon…I…I've missed you too! Not wanting you to pick me up had nothing to do with being good enough for my father. I don't care if he approves or not. He doesn't approve of much of anything I do. It's easier to just not tell him about anything. Not just you. He doesn't know I've stayed in touch with Watty since mama's death. They hate each other. I'm not sure why. Maybe cause Watty and mama were close. Closer than he ever was to her."

"So, he doesn't know you been singin at the Bluebird?" Deacon asked

"No, that's why I couldn't let you come to the house. He'd want to know where I met you."

"C'mere…I should have done this Saturday night." He whispered pulling her close for a kiss. She wrapped her arms around his neck. He pulled her tighter against him, deepening the sweet kisses.

"So, were good?" she asked breathlessly when he finally let her up for air

"Oh yeah, we're better than good, baby!" He answered in a low tone as he slowly laid her down on the blanket, fitting her perfectly against him

"You think you might be boyfriend material now?" Rayna playfully asked as he undid the top few buttons on her blouse, leaving a trail of kisses from her chest back up to her lips, carefully suckling on her neck as he did, driving her crazy with anticipation

"Ya definitely got your work cut out for ya if ya wanna whip me into suitable boyfriend material, but yeah. I'm ready to give us one hell of a shot if you are?" he smirked and playfully kissed her again

"I am. I've never wanted anything more, Deacon." She playfully rolled on top of him, laughing

"You are so damn beautiful, Rayna! I'm not sure how it happened, but I am one hell of a lucky guy!" he was laughing and smiling as he held her above him

"You're awfully damn handsome yourself, Deacon. I think you're perfectly suitable boyfriend material…mine!"


	9. Chapter 9

April 21st 1990

Dear Dairy,

Today has been the best and the worst!

Watty got Deacon and I, six live gigs! He told me after our Bluebird set tonight. I was so excited I may have kissed him. It's kind of a blurr. He even hired us a band! We have a freakin band! I can't wait to be on the road with Deacon, even if they are small shows, and within driving distance of Nashville. I know it's going to be amazing. I feel like there's nothing I can't accomplish with Deacon by my side. I'm really starting to believe that this is the beginning of really big things for both of us.

The bad…

I'd kept my Bluebird gigs and late night dates with Deacon quiet. Daddy has asked the staff to watch me since the birthday date disaster and 2am arrival home. I'd managed to get around the staff by making them think I was in my bedroom while I was out with Deacon.

I thought I was safe tonight. Daddy wasn't supposed to be home until tomorrow night. Deacon dropped me off after 1am. Daddy was home and waiting. He's mad as hell. The staff is also all pissed off because they are in trouble too for not watching me. I can't even make a phone call to tell Deacon what's going on.

Daddy has taken the phone out of my room. I'm not supposed to use any of the other phones in the house. Someone is always watching. He's also taken away both sets of keys to my BMW. The keys to all of the cars are locked in his office. He personally plans to drive me to and from school and I'm not allowed to go anywhere else until further notice. If he can't, a staff member will be taking me. I feel like a prisoner.

…and it gets worse. He checked the security system. He knows my comings and goings from the past month. I had forgotten the alarm company kept a log of when the system was armed and disarmed. So, while he doesn't know where I was or who I was with, he knows I've been out practically every night until midnight or later. I'm sure he's also requested a phone log to see who I've been talking to. It's only a matter of time until he gets Deacon's name.

I need to find a way to call Deacon. Maybe I can sneak away from school at lunch or study hall to the pay phone at the gas station across the street.

The night before…

"Oh my gosh! Really? We have 6 live gigs around the state? I could kiss you, Watty! I'm sooo excited! Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!" Rayna was over the moon as she threw her arms around Watty's neck hugging him tightly

"You're gonna make it, kid. It's all you. You did the work. I just set up the venues. Your mama would be so proud, Rayna." Watty lifted her twirling and hugging in the back room at the Bluebird after a Thursday night set with Deacon.

"What are we so excited about?" Deacon asked as he came in from putting his guitar and amp in the truck

"Watty got us 6 live gigs, Deacon! 6 whole shows, just us! Can you believe it?" Rayna gushed and jumped into Deacon's arms for another twirl and hug with him.

"That's great, baby. I love seein you so happy. So, when and where are these shows?" Deacon asked setting Rayna down

"The first is in Johnson City a week from Tue. You get 90 minutes on stage. I lined up a drummer, keyboardist, and bass guitarist to help out with the 6 shows. We'll go from there if we book more. Edgehill has agreed to a small stipend per show to help with expenses, but it's not much. Pretty much just covers payin the band for shows and rehearsal time. I'm surprised they're doin that much since you're not technically signed… YET! Shows they're really interested in seein what you two can do. I'll set up some rehearsal time with the band. We gotta make this good. There's no room for mistakes or less than your best now." The business side of Watty was coming out as he explained what was happening

"It's really happening, Deacon! Aren't you excited?" Rayna asked as she slid close to him on the bench seat of his truck, wrapping her arms around him, nibbling his ear

"You keep doin that, I'm gonna have to pull over, baby." He smirked as he stole a quick kiss before returning his attention to the road

"Well, I left the TV on in my bedroom. My cars out front. As far as any of daddy's spies know, I'm in my room studying. No one suspects I'm not being the perfect daughter." She laughed as Deacon quickly took a side road towards the country, away from Belle Meade

"I'll take THAT as in invitation." He laughed as he found a quiet, wooded area to pull over.

"Make love to me, Deacon." Rayna breathlessly whispered in his ear as she straddled him in the driver's seat of his old truck, after several minutes of heavy making out

"I'd love to, Ray, but we talked about this, baby. I want our first time to be special. You deserve candles and fluffy pillows, a nice dinner out before. Your first time should mean somethin. Shouldn't be in the front seat of an old truck."

"I know. It's just hard waiting. I want you so much." Rayna pouted in his arms

"Gimme that lip!" Deacon playfully bit her lower protruding lip as she pouted

"It doesn't matter when or where, Deacon. It'll be special because it's with you."

"I know that, and I can't wait either. Soon, baby! I'm savin up. Don't you worry. I have a plan." He laughed knowing secrets and surprises drove Rayna crazy

"You're so sweet for wanting to make all my dreams come true, Deacon. How did I get so lucky?" she teared up a little

"I'm the lucky one, Ray! You've already made my biggest dream come true. I got you!"

"You do, forever and always!"

"Well, I should probably get you home. School night and it's after 1am. Plus, I need to go home and take a VERY cold shower." He laughed as he reached around her to start the truck

"Oh shit! Daddy's home! He wasn't supposed to be back tonight." Rayna noticed every light in the house on, and Lamar's Cadillac parked next to her BMW in the driveway, as Deacon parked in his usual spot just down the street from the house.

Lamar was away on business a lot. He'd been keeping closer tabs on Rayna the past month since her 2am arrival home on her birthday. He'd asked the staff to keep him more informed of her comings and goings, especially the times. The staff rarely bothered her if she was in her bedroom. She'd devised a plan of leaving her TV or stereo on loud enough to hear it in the hallway. She'd have Deacon pick her up down the street, leaving her car in the driveway. It had worked well for over a month, until now.

"You want me to come in with you?" Deacon offered

"No, babe. There's never gonna be a good time for you to meet daddy, but I doubt tonight would be pretty. I'll make up something. Thanks for the ride. See ya tomorrow." She planted one last quick peck on Deacon's lips as she got out

"Hey…call me later. Let me know you're OK? I don't care how late it is." He said grabbing her hand, pulling her back for one last kiss

"Another cold shower?" Vince laughed as Deacon quickly went to the bathroom upon arriving home

"Shut Up, Vince!" Deacon snapped slamming the bathroom door

"Did Ray call?" Deacon asked as he flopped on the couch with Vince after his shower

"Jesus, Deke! Ya just left her. You really got it bad for this one, don't ya?" he laughed again

"Ray's different. She's not just another fling. I care about her, a lot!"

"…and you're still not gettin laid?" Vince just laughed, shaking his head

"It sure as hell aint cause she doesn't want it. I could have her anytime. It's my choice to wait. I have some special plans in mind. Ray's still a virgin. I feel like I need to make it special for her, ya know? I've almost got enough money saved. Gonna take her out for a nice dinner, and to the Peabody in Memphis for a weekend soon."

"What the hell's gotten into you? You're whipped, Deke!"

"I aint either. It's my choice. She don't know nothin about it, and she'd never ask for anything like that anyway. She'd be happy to do it in the front of my truck on an old road. That's what makes her so special. She don't expect nothin. Just likes me, for me. No idea why, but she does." He smiled thinking about her

"I like you for you too. You're a pretty hot guy, Deke! Wanna beer?" Vince jokingly kissed Deacon on the cheek as he got up to go to the fridge

"Get off me!" Deacon shoved Vince away as he made fish lips and kissing sounds all the way into the kitchen

"Is that what ya tell Rayna when she wants you?" Vince laughed flopping back on the couch with two beers

"Shut the hell up." Deacon laughed and threw his bottle cap at Vince

"Wanna watch a porno?" Vince asked

"No, I just took a cold shower. You go ahead. I'm goin to bed." Deacon retreated to his bedroom with the beer in one hand and cordless phone in the other to wait for Rayna's call

He woke around 8:30am, sun streaming into the bedroom, the phone still next to his head on the pillow. She hadn't called. He went to the kitchen for a drink of water and to put the phone on it's charging base.

"Hey, the phone didn't ring, did it?" He asked a groggy Vince as he moaned on the couch

"I didn't hear it if it did." Vince slurred, several beer bottles rolled off the couch to the floor as he rolled over, and quickly passed out again

Deacon switched off the TV still displaying Vince's porno VHS. He sighed in disgust as he looked at Vince surrounded by empty beer bottles. He flopped back on his bed, hoping Rayna was OK. It wasn't like her not to call when he'd asked her to. She'd be in class by now. He couldn't reach her if he wanted to. He drifted back to sleep not waking again till after 2pm. Vince was still snoring on the couch as Deacon made himself an omelet.

"You make me one?" Vince asked siting up

"Yeah, in the skillet. I aint servin ya." Deacon snapped as he ate in front of the TV

"Ya know you could put some pants and a t shirt on." Deacon called as Vince wandered to the kitchen in his underwear

"Why? It's just you." Vince laughed

"I gotta work at 4. Since you aint workin maybe you could clean this dump up a little?" Deacon asked as Vince kicked some beer bottles out of his way in front of the couch

"Why are you in a mood?" Vince asked

"I aint. I just think maybe you could spend less time in your underwear and more time job huntin. As long as yer not workin you might as well clean up the place a little."

"Rayna never called, huh?" Vince retorted

"What the hell's that got to do with anything?"

"You're always a crab ass when you aint heard from her in more than 12 hours." Vince laughed and tossed his empty plate on the coffee table

"Shut up, Vince!" Deacon snapped as he grabbed Vince's dirty plate and tossed all the dirty dishes in the sink with a clatter

Deacon slammed his bedroom door. He got dressed for work. Vince was snoring on the couch 20 minutes later when he came out.

"Hey, you gonna do anything today?" Deacon asked yanking Vince's covers off

"It's almost 3. Days about gone. I'll try again tomorrow." Vince pulled the covers back

"Clean this place up before I get home tonight!" Deacon snapped as he waded through beer cans and bottles

"What are you, suddenly my mother?" Vince snapped back

"I'm the guy payin rent and all the damn bills, not to mention keepin your ass in beer, which aint cheap! Least you can do is clean up after yourself. I can't even bring Rayna here it's such a damn mess. What the hell would she think?"

"Since when do you care if the apartment is clean or up to a woman's standards?"

"Just clean up your messes, huh?" Deacon slammed the door on his way out. Vince had been right. He was irritable because he hadn't heard from Rayna

He didn't need to be at work until 4. It wasn't quite 3. He drove to the high school hoping to spend a few minutes with her when she got out of class at 3:30. He searched the lot 3 times. Her red BMW was nowhere to be found.

"Surely, she would have called him today if she'd stayed home sick." He thought as he left the lot confused

His mood hadn't improved as he neared the half way mark in his shift at the Bluebird. He took his dinner break and retreated to the back office.

"Hey, Sarah…ahhh Rayna hasn't by chance called, has she?" he asked

"No, no calls for you. Sorry, Deacon."

"Alright, thanks. Maybe I'll try her at home." He replied reaching for the office phone. It rang several times, never going to the machine, which normally picked up on the 4th ring if she couldn't answer. He hung up confused and getting worried. Not a day had gone by in over a month that they hadn't at least talked on the phone.


	10. Chapter 10

April 24th, 1990

Dear Dairy,

I miss Deacon sooooo much! I keep trying to get to a phone to call him. Daddy's been home all weekend. The few times he's gone out he's had someone watching me like a hawk. He had the door removed from my bedroom. I'm surprised he left the damn bathroom door on the hinges!

Friday at school I tried to get away, but someone was always watching there too. The damn lunch monitor stood by the doors the whole 45 minutes during lunch.

I got away from study hall, but the principal was in the hallway talking to someone. I couldn't get to the door without him seeing me.

I know Deacon's probably worried, and I feel horrible. Hopefully I can get away from either lunch or study hall tomorrow.

I'm tempted to just skip school. I could get a cab to Deacon's apartment after daddy drops me off. Of course if he finds out I'll never see Deacon again. He'll send me off to college far away. He's already threatened to send me to his sister in New York for the summer.

I love you, Deacon. I'm trying…

Sunday night, Deacon's apartment…

The weekend had come, and gone. Deacon had worked both Saturday and Sunday nights at the Bluebird. He hadn't heard from or seen Rayna since he'd dropped her off at home Thursday night. Repeated calls had yielded nothing. It simply rang and rang. His mood had deteriorated a little more with each unanswered call.

"Didn't you leave the damn apartment all weekend?" he snapped as he threw things around in the kitchen late Sunday night. Vince was on the couch, in his underwear. The same spot he'd been in every time Deacon had seen him all weekend.

"No, I got no money. Where would I go?" Vince answered as he watched Deacon slam dishes around in the kitchen

Deacon had been to the grocery store on his way home from work. The countertops were covered in dirty dishes as he searched for a place to set the bags. He dropped the bags on the floor, frustrated he threw several pots, pans and glassware off the countertop. They went crashing to the floor. Several of the glass items shattered.

"GODDAMMITT! FUCK!" He yelled in frustration as he stood seething in the kitchen

"Hey, hey, hey! What the hell's your damn problem, man?" Vince asked, confused

"DIDN'T I ASK YOU TO CLEAN THIS SHIT UP ON FRIDAY?"

"I didn't think ya meant it. The place has been a mess since before I got here. What the hell's got you so damn pissed off?" Vince asked

"Nothin! Leave me the fuck alone!" Deacon snapped grabbing his keys.

"Deke…hey…what?" Vince tried to pull on his sweatpants and stop Deacon, but the truck was gone by the time Vince got to the parking lot

Several hours later a calmer Deacon returned with more beer and a couple bottles of Jack Daniels. One of the bottles already open and a good amount gone. He put the beer and Jack in the fridge before flopping in his recliner across from Vince with the open Jack bottle.

"Place looks nice. Thanks for straitenin up. I didn't mean to lose my temper before." Deacon apologized

Vince had cleaned up the kitchen, including the mess of broken glass from Deacon's outburst, done all the dishes, and cleared the living room of the months of cans and bottles strewn about. He'd put the groceries Deacon had left in the middle of the kitchen floor away too.

"Yeah, who knew the carpet was blue?" Vince joked

"…or that you actually owned clothes." Deacon cracked a slight smile. Vince was in sweats and a T shirt, instead of his usual underwear.

"You heard from Rayna?" Vince cautiously asked

"Not a damn word! I don't get it. We were fine Thursday night. Now she don't even answer my fuckin calls. No explanation, no break up just…" he took another long pull from the Jack bottle

"She's an 18 year old girl, Deke! They're in love with a different guy every week. Forget her!" Vince quipped

"I can't. I love her, and you aint helpin!" Deacon snapped getting angry again

"She obviously doesn't wanna talk to ya. What the hell can you do? She aint worth it, Deke. Just let it go."

"Doesn't make any sense, Vince! I don't know whether to be worried, or pissed. How the hell could she just …" Deacon trailed off, looking away. He didn't want Vince to see that his eyes were misty

"I'm sorry, Deke. For what it's worth, she lost a great guy."

"Ya know, I almost slipped and said the L word Thursday night. It was on the tip of my tongue. I've never said it to anyone. I really thought she gave a damn, and might've even been the one."

"You'll find someone better. Wasn't meant to be, man."

"Yeah, I guess you're right. I'm done givin a fuck! This shit sucks! First time I really open up to someone and…sure as hell aint worth feelin like this."


	11. Chapter 11

April 28th, 1990

Dear Diary,

I'm sitting in Deacon's truck. I've been out here for almost 3 hours. It's after midnight. Daddy is gonna kill me, but I need to talk to Deacon before I go home. I'll probably never get out of the house to talk to him again.

I'm not sure what he thinks, but he's really upset with me. Tonight was the first time I'd really seen him get mad. His temper scares me. His face gets red and he yells. Daddy has never even yelled at me that way.

I just hope we can work things out. I'm not even completely sure why he's so mad. He's awfully sexy when he's pissed off. I can't believe I think that, but I'm not sure there will ever be a time when I don't find Deacon Claybourne irresistible.

Earlier in the day. End of Deacon's Bluebird shift (or so he thought)…

"Hey, Deacon! I'm glad I caught you. I need a really BIG favor?" Sarah asked as Deacon reached for the door handle of his truck in the Bluebird parking lot

"OK, whatcha need, boss?" Deacon asked

"I hate to ask, but I'm stuck. I know you already worked an 8 hour shift, but Jerry called in AGAIN! I need you to stay and cover the 4 to midnight, Please? I'll pay you double time." Sarah pleaded, desperate for a bartender to cover the Thursday night crowd

"Double time, huh? Man…that's hard to pass up, but I dunno. I really didn't wanna be here tonight." Deacon sighed

"Please? I'm stuck. I can't stay. My kids sick. Double time, and you can have tomorrow off PAID! I'll have Jerry cover your Friday night."

"Friday night off PAID, huh? Can't say no to that. Alright…I'll stay." Deacon sighed again as he followed his boss back inside.

He still hadn't heard from Rayna. It had been a full week tonight since their last writers round at the Bluebird together. He assumed his guitar playing services were no longer needed, since he'd heard nothing from her, and she hadn't even asked for rehearsal time.

He'd done his best over the past week to drown his sorrows in a bottle of Jack. The last place he wanted to be tonight was here, to watch her in the round. He sat down in the back room rubbing his scruff, wondering how he'd handle facing her. He was hurt and angry she'd blown him off for a week as he took his 2nd shift of the day behind the bar.

Across town in Belle Meade…

"Daddy I really need to finish this science project with Kelsie tonight. It's due tomorrow, and you haven't let me outta the house in a week. I'm gonna flunk science! Is that what you want?" Rayna whined as Lamar pulled into the driveway. He'd picked her up and dropped her off from school everyday himself since grounding her a week earlier.

"Fine, Rayna! Kelsie can come here to finish the project." He calmly replied as he put the car in park

"…but Daddy! It's a lot of material. Info boards, and video. She has everything at her house and her dad's letting us use his video equipment."

"How do you plan to get there and back home?" Lamar asked as Rayna followed him into the house

"She has a car. She'll pick me up. I promise I'll be home by 9."

"Alright, but not a second later. Do you hear me?" he replied distracted by a ringing phone in his office

"Thank you, Daddy!"

"I gotta take this. I mean it, Rayna! You will be back in this house at 9pm!" He snapped as he turned towards the ringing phone

"Thank you soooo much, Kelsie!" Rayna said as she jumped into Kelsie's car a couple hours later

She quickly stripped off the bulky clothes she had covering the night's real outfit, and slipped on her turquois lucchese matching boots. She did her makeup in the visor mirror.

"How do I look?" she asked Kelsie

"Adorbs! So, you get to see Deacon tonight?" Kelsie asked

"Oh My God, yes, I've missed him soooo much. I can't wait to be in his arms, and kiss him." Rayna was gushing after a week away from Deacon

"Do you need a ride back home?" Kelsie asked as Rayna quickly jumped from the car excited to see Deacon's truck already there

"uuhhh, No…I'll have Deacon take me home. Thanks and if daddy calls you, just lie and say I'm in the bathroom. I don't think he'll call. He's distracted with some big business deal tonight. I'll deal with him when I get home. Thanks again. I reeeally owe you BIG!" Rayna practically ran into the Bluebird excited to see Deacon

He was gorgeous as ever behind the bar. The Bluebird was extremely busy. Vince Gill was making an appearance tonight and tickets had sold out. There was a huge line waiting to get in as Rayna entered through the back artist entrance. The bar was busy, and Deacon hadn't noticed as she approached. He was in the middle of a large drink order for one of the waitresses.

"Hey…." She smiled wide as he looked up from the order

"Hey…" he mumbled flatly, barely acknowledging her

"Deacon?" she was confused by his distance as he ignored her and continued taking and making drink orders

"I'm kinda busy here, Rayna! What do you want?" he snapped harshly

"OK, sorry. So, I'll see you in the round?" she asked

"WHAT?" he snapped, confused, and getting angrier that she'd just blow in and act like everything was fine

"Aren't you playin for me tonight?" she asked

"NO, why in the hell would I do you any favors after the past week?" he asked

"…be…I….thought you were my guitar player?" she fumbled for words, taken aback by his anger

"Yeah, well…I thought I was a hell of a lot more than that! I don't know what kinda high school game you're playin here, Rayna, but I'M DONE!"

"Deacon…I…please, let me explain what's…."

"LOOK, I'M BUSY HERE, RAYNA! IF YOU HAVEN'T NOTICED, I GOT A BAR FULL A CUSTOMERS! I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS SHIT, AND FRANKLY I DON'T GIVE A FUCK! GET YOURSELF A NEW GUITARIST OR WHATEVER THE HELL IT IS YOU'RE LOOKIN FOR! I GOTTA JOB TO DO HERE!" He really snapped, cutting her off, his hurt and anger from the past week overwhelming him.

Rayna burst into tears and ran to the back room. She'd been so excited to see him, and thought he'd feel the same. His anger and temper had completely surprised her.

"Show's over folks! Sorry for the disruption." Deacon apologized to the crowd near the bar that had stopped and taken notice of his little spat with Rayna. He quickly began taking drink orders again.

"Hey, sweetie…what's wrong?" Watty asked a distraught Rayna as she burst into the back room

"I can't do this tonight, Watty!" she fell into his arms, burying her face against his chest crying

"Rayna, tell me what's wrong?"

"Everything! Daddy is keeping me practically a prisoner at home. Deacon and I just had a huge fight and I'm not even really sure why." She sobbed hysterically

"Rayna, come on. I'm sure it's not as bad as it seems. Look, normally I'd say the show must go on no matter what, but with Vince Gill here tonight the round is kinda pressed for time. I'm sure if you opt out tonight, it won't be an issue. You need to get it together though, OK?"

"I'll try, Watty." She sniffled feeling a little better in Watty's arms. He was more like a father to her than Lamar ever was. She couldn't remember the last time Lamar had let her cry in his arms. Probably not since she was a very little girl.

"You need to do more than TRY! I've got these 6 gigs set up for you and Deacon. Edgehill is watching. You need to make these count regardless of your personal issues. I gave the band the score sheets for your music. You'll need to meet with them at least a few times before your Tue show in Johnson City to rehearse as a group. I've set up a hall for Sat, Sun, and Mon 4pm each day. You and Deacon need to be there."

"OK." She simply said a million things running through her mind.

"How do I get away from Daddy for 3 rehearsals, and what the hell am I gonna tell him on Tue night? It's a 4 hour drive. My sets 8 to 930. It'll be at least 2am before I get home." She sat in despair wondering, as Watty left her to cancel her in the round appearance for the night

"Hey, Deacon! Can you change the board? Rayan's not gonna perform tonight. Can we just erase her name from the marquee for the night?" Watty asked at the bar

"uuhhh…yeah, sure. No problem, Wat." Deacon said as he grabbed the hand held keyboard to change the scrolling marquee

"Thanks, Deke. While I'm here I'll take a bud light, sprite and can you put in an order for some of those sweet potato fries. Keep the change." Watty said leaving a $10 bill on the bar.

"She alright?" Deacon asked as he handed Watty the drinks. He knew Sprite and sweet potato fries were Rayna's usual order

"She's pretty upset, but she'll be OK. She's young, and this is all new to her. It's a lot. Music career, new love, rough home life since her mama passed." Watty really didn't want to get between them

"Yeah, I guess." Deacon felt bad for making her cry, but he was still pissed and confused about why she'd blown him off for a week. More than anything, he was hurt. He loved her, and felt like she was messing with his mind. Sharing his feelings wasn't something he was used to, and then to have her act that way didn't sit well with him.

He relaxed more as the night went on. As far as he knew Rayna had left. He hadn't seen her since she bolted from the bar crying. Being extremely busy helped keep his mind off of her. He thought maybe he'd eventually feel like talking to her, but he was still too angry and hurt. He was actually happy she'd left. He just didn't feel ready to deal with Rayna Jaymes tonight.


	12. Chapter 12

April 29th, 1990

Dear Diary,

I'll probably never see daylight again. I just got home. It's almost 4am, but hearing Deacon say "I love you" was worth it.

I love him so much it hurts, and I suspected he felt the same, but hearing it was magical. He's the love of my life and I honestly can't get enough of him. I love every second of our time together and find myself longing for him as soon as he leaves me at night.

He scares me when he's mad, and loses his temper, but even then there's a sexiness about him that drives me crazy. I still can't believe this gorgeous man is mine. We just get closer with each day.

I never in my wildest dreams thought I'd love anyone this much, or be this crazy about someone. I feel like I can accomplish anything both onstage and off with Deacon by my side.

Now to deal with daddy…he's madder than I've ever seen him. There's no point hiding my relationship with Deacon anymore. We're together, and that isn't going to change. Daddy's just going to have to deal with it.

I let Deacon pull into the driveway when he dropped me off at 3am. No point parking down the street now. We took our usual 45 minutes to kiss goodnight in the front seat of his truck. I know daddy was probably watching and fuming.

It's rare for Lamar Wyatt to be speechless, but all he said when I came in was "Go to bed, Rayna! We'll discuss this tomorrow!" in his usual calm, business like voice.

I'm not sure what he'll do to punish me. He's already taken everything away, and made me a prisoner in my own home for the past week.

Deacon and I talked about it. I've already decided Daddy will not keep me from seeing Deacon, or from my dreams of a music career.

I'm 18, and will be done with high school in just over a month. I'm not letting him control my life anymore.

Mama never let him stop her, and he sure as hell isn't stopping me.

Earlier in Deacons' truck…

Deacon was physically and emotionally exhausted as he turned out the last of the bar lights, locked the door, and headed to his truck in the back of the employee lot.

It had been a long 16 hour day. His bed sounded heavenly as he crossed the dark parking lot. He hadn't had a decent night's sleep in a week, and was hoping tonight he'd be too tired to care about anything beyond sleep.

He fumbled with his keys pulling them from his pocket, finally looking up as he opened the driver's side door.

"Rayna! What the hell? You shouldn't be here! Where's your car?" he asked as he climbed in, noticing no red BMW in site

"Daddy took it away."

"Great, just what I fuckin need tonight. I'm takin you home." He sighed and cussed under his breath, struggling with his temperamental truck. He finally got it to start after several tries and a steam of obscenities.

Neither spoke for several tense moments. Rayna was trying not to cry as she watched him drive. His jaw was set in a hard line. She knew he was still angry with her, and after his outburst at the Bluebird was a little afraid of him.

"Deacon, I just wanna talk. Why are you so angry with me?" she finally asked after he'd driven a few miles towards Belle Meade

"Oh NOW you wanna talk?" He quipped sarcastically

"I don't understand why you're so upset and angry. I didn't mean…." Her voice trailed off as she watched his face get red again

"WHY AM I ANGRY? JESUS, RAYNA! YOU BLEW ME OFF FOR A GODDAMN WEEK. DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY TIMES I'VE TRIED TO CALL YOU, HUH?" he yelled, his face red with anger

"I'm sorry, Deacon. Daddy took my phone away. I haven't been able to…"

"I FIND IT PRETTY FUCKIN HARD TO BELIEVE YOU HAVEN'T HAD ACCESS TO ANY PHONES FOR A WEEK!" he snapped, not showing any sign of calming down

"I've tried to…" she was scared and trembling as she tried to explain

"JUST FORGET IT, ALRIGHT! THIS WAS A DAMN MISTAKE FROM THE WORD GO! I CAN'T BELIEVE I WAS STUPID ENOUGH TO LET THIS GO AS FAR AS IT DID. I NEED MY DAMN HEAD EXAMINED!" he continued to yell

"Deacon, please…I didn't mean to hurt you." Her voice was cracking

"Yeah, well ya did." He finally stopped yelling, his voice barely a whisper as he admitted she'd hurt him

"I've missed you. I tried to get away so I could call, but you don't understand…daddy…"

"It's been a week, Rayna! Do you have any idea what you've put me through?" he had tears in his eyes as he finally looked at Rayna, trembling, and crying next to him

"Do you think I haven't been going through the same thing, Deacon? I was so excited to see you tonight, and you were a jerk!"

"I didn't think you wanted to see me anymore. I just assumed…the worst!" he finally calmed down enough to think a little clearer and suddenly realized he'd overreacted.

"Deacon, why wouldn't I want to see you? Things were great between us. Do you really think I'd just blow you off for a week after everything the past month?" she asked realizing how little faith he had in the relationship

"I guess that's what was so hard. After the best damn month of my life, you just quit takin my calls. You didn't come around. Didn't hear a word outta ya. I didn't know what the hell to think, Rayna. Then tonight when ya showed up and acted like nothin was wrong, I snapped. I thought you were playin games."

"I didn't know anything was wrong, Deacon. You never even let me explain before you blew up."

"I know, baby. I was angry…really angry, because losing you hurt like hell, and I've never felt like that before. I'm not used to carin this much. I'm not used to givin someone this much." He swallowed a lump in his throat

"Deacon, why do you have such little faith in us, in me? How could you think I'd just ignore you on purpose. If I could have called, I would've. I tried to get away. I really tried…I just…couldn't…" she was crying in the passenger seat next to him

"So, you don't wanna break up?" he asked

"NO! Of course not. I've missed you sooo much it hurt! I haven't slept for a week."

"Well, that makes two of us." He laughed and cracked a smile for the first time all night

"Why can't you just believe that I want you? You're the best thing that's ever happened to me, Deacon! Why do you have such little faith in us, in me? I feel like you're looking for a way out."

"I'm not, sweetheart. I don't want out. I'm sorry I overreacted, and scared you tonight. I guess I'm just soo afraid of losing you, I kinda push you away before you can push me away or…I dunno. That don't even make sense, but …I guess that's what I do. I need to work on that, huh?" he smiled and pulled to the side of the road.

"So, are we good? You're not mad at me, anymore? We're still together?" she asked

"C'mere….I'm a damn idiot! I let my temper get the best of me, and you could have walked out that door tonight and never looked back. Hell, after my tirade behind the bar, I wouldn't have blamed you. Here's the thing…ya didn't! I've never had nobody care enough when I've pulled away, to wanna pull me back and keep tryin. You do…and…" he held her tight against him on the seat, his eyes filled with tears as he fumbled for the right words

"Deacon, babe! You're worth fighting for. Please believe that, and don't lose faith in us again. I'm not goin anywhere. I'm so sorry for the past week. Not seeing you hurts more than you'll ever know. I never wanna be away from you like that again." She wrapped her arms around him, feeling his warmth, happy to be in his arms

"How do you do that?" he whispered, gently kissing the top of her head

"Do what?" she asked running her fingers through his thick hair, as she kissed a single tear away from his cheek

"Bring me from the brink of a melt down to this? You completely disarm me, Ray! I don't know how the hell you did it, but I love you!" he pulled her onto his lap, brushing her hair away from her face to look into her eyes

"What took you so long to say it?" she laughed as he pulled her in for a deep, passionate kiss

"You knew?" he asked several minutes later, both breathless, truck windows completely steamed up after a very heated make up and make out session

"You're not as rough around the edges as you want people to believe, Deacon. You're an amazing man, and I can't imagine my life without you now. You did the same thing to me. I wanted to hate you when we first met, but somehow under that rough exterior that you hide your heart under, you got to me too. I've loved you since I first saw you smile, heard you sing at the Bluebird, heard you play the first note on your guitar.


	13. Chapter 13

April 30th, 1990

Dear Dairy,

Well, Daddy and Deacon met. It wasn't as horrible as I'd imagined it would be. Deacon wasn't comfortable with all of daddy's questions, but he handled it OK. I know daddy doesn't like Deacon, but he wasn't too awful tonight.

Deacon tries so hard, and I only love him more with every small effort he makes. He was adorable in dress clothes and his nice black boots at the country club. I know he was uncomfortable there, but he did it for me. He really loves me. He proves it in so many small ways every time we're together, and it means everything that he makes the effort.

Deacon and I also talked about his past and the criminal record. I don't think it's as bad as it seems. His drinking concerns me, but since we've met I haven't really seen him drink a lot. He says he's trying to be better for me and wants a future together.

I can't even put into words how happy hearing him talk about a "future" together makes me.

Earlier in the day…

"Where's daddy?" Rayna asked as she climbed into Tandy's Mercedes after school

"He had an important call to take. He asked me to pick you up?"

"What else did he have to say?" Rayna asked sarcastically

"He's worried about you? …and I am too! It's not like you to be so secretive, and sneak around the way you have been for the past couple months. What's going on, Rayna?" Tandy asked worried

"I'm sure daddy's already given you his version of events. Does mine really matter?" she snapped knowing Tandy would side with Lamar

"Rayna, you're my little sister. We used to be so close and talk about things. You can talk to me, you know? I promise it's between us. I won't say anything to daddy."

"Watty's been helping me pursue a music career. I've been singing at the Bluebird just like mama used to do on Thursdays."

"Mama's old friend Watty White?" Tandy asked

"Yeah, we've stayed in touch since mama's funeral. I never told daddy because he hates Watty, and he'd never approve of me singin at the Bluebird."

"Is that all? So, that's where you've been all those late nights?" Tandy asked clearly pressing for more information.

"Oh, I'm sure daddy told you about Deacon!" Rayna quipped

"Deacon? Is that your new friends name?" Tandy asked

"Is that what daddy's calling him?" Rayna laughed

"No, I mean, he knows you seem to have a new boyfriend."

"What did he REALLY say about that, Tandy?"

"Just that this Deacon doesn't seem like the best influence on an impressionable young girl, that's all."

"He doesn't know anything about Deacon! I knew he'd be judgmental and irrational. That's why I didn't tell him about Deacon."

"Well, honey, he kinda has a point about some of it. What decent guy keeps a young girl out till 4am? Please tell me you aren't sleeping with this guy?"

"You're just like daddy! You haven't even met Deacon, and you already assume the worst! …and for your information, NO, I haven't slept with him. It's not my choice. I would in a heartbeat! It's Deacon's choice to wait. He cares about me, Tandy." Rayna announced defiantly

"I'm not sure you know him as well as you think you do, Rayna."

"What is that supposed to mean? What do you know about Deacon?" Rayna snapped as Tandy pulled into the driveway

"Come inside. We need to sit down and talk." Tandy calmly explained

"About what?" Rayna snapped as she followed her older sister into the house

"Is that you, Tandy? I'll be right with you. Just finishing up a call." Lamar called from his home office

"uummm, Rayna…Daddy would like to talk about last night. Come back down here, Please?" Tandy asked as Rayna tried to slip upstairs to her room

"Fine, it's not like I can lock myself in my room. I don't have a door!" Rayna quipped sarcastically as she came back down the stairs

"I'll see if I can get daddy to lighten up a little, OK? I'm on your side." Tandy squeezed her younger sisters shoulder in support

"Have a seat, Rayna." Lamar motioned to the 2 chairs opposite his desk

"Feel like I'm about to be fired or reprimanded for bad performance." Rayna's sarcasm didn't amuse Lamar

"You're not helping yourself with smart ass remarks, young lady." Lamar calmly responded, cold and business like as always

"I know you've been singing at the Bluebird. I also know you've taken a liking to a boy named Deacon Claybourne. How much do you know about this kid, Rayna?" Lamar asked

"A lot! We've been dating a couple months."

"Oh and you know him so well after a couple months, huh?"

"Enough to know I love him, and nothing you say is going to change that!"

"Are you aware he has a criminal record?" Lamar asked throwing a report on his desk in front of Rayna

"If he does, I'm sure it's nothing too serious and it's been a long time since he's been in trouble, daddy." Rayna stammered unsure of what was in the report. Deacon had never mentioned a criminal record to her.

"He spent a few nights in jail in Jan for assault, Rayna! I wouldn't call that minor, and that's only a few months ago."

"I don't care! I'm sure there's a logical explanation for.."

"How about a logical explanation for all 14 times he's been arrested? Did you know he had his first DUI when he was 17? Second at 19?" Lamar asked cutting her off

"I'd rather ask him than read some report. I can't believe you ran a background check on Deacon, daddy!" Rayna retorted

"I have a right to know who my daughter is associating herself with. I'm only trying to protect you, darling. You're obviously making some bad choices lately."

"Rayna, you clearly don't know some things about Deacon. Maybe it would be best to step back, and take a look at things, take a break from him?" Tandy tried to intervene

"I DON'T WANT A BREAK FROM DEACON! I JUST HAD A WEEK AWAY FROM HIM. NOTHING CHANGED! I STILL LOVE HIM! THERE'S NOTHING IN THAT REPORT THAT WILL CHANGE THAT! Rayna yelled

"Look, sweetie…why don't we go to New York for a girls weekend? Take your mind off things? We'll make it a belated birthday trip." Tandy offered trying to smooth things over

"You're no better than daddy! What happened to "You're on My Side?"

"I am on your side, but you obviously don't know as much about Deacon as you thought you did."

"BOTH OF YOU NEED TO JUST BUTT OUT! I'M 18. I'M ALMOST DONE WITH SCHOOL. I KNOW WHAT I WANT, AND NEITHER OF YOU ARE GOING TO STOP ME! I WANT A CAREER IN MUSIC, AND DEACON IS PART OF THAT, AND SO MUCH MORE. I DON'T CARE WHAT SOME REPORT SAYS! I LOVE HIM!" Rayna yelled before running from the room in tears.

She'd been softly crying, face down on her bed for 30 minutes when Tandy came upstairs.

"Hey, I got daddy to lighten up a little. He's giving back your phone, and bedroom door. You can drive your car to school, but that's all. He wants the car in the driveway right after school. You're not grounded anymore, but you need to honor his curfew rules." Tandy softly said as she rubbed Rayna's back

"Thanks, Tandy. So I'm allowed to go out, he's just gonna make it hard for me to get anywhere, huh?" Rayna asked, sitting up

"Pretty much." Tandy smiled as she handed Rayna her keys

"Rayna, I am on your side, but you're gonna have to meet daddy half way on this and at least try to follow his rules. At least until you're out of school. You really don't need to be out till all hours of the night anyway."

"What about music and Deacon?"

"Well, you know daddy. He's not happy about either, but you're not grounded so I guess as long as you're home by 9 or 11 he'll deal with it. There is ONE other thing…he uuuhhmmm wants to meet Deacon."

"Oh I dunno, Tandy…"

"Well, he made a reservation for the 4 of us at the country club for dinner at 7."

"Deacon at the country club? I'm not sure he'll even agree to that."

"Well, I'll let you handle that part. I've got some calls to make. See ya at 7. I'm looking forward to meeting Deacon. Love you." Tandy kissed Rayna's cheek as she got up to leave

"Love you too, and thanks. It's horrible with daddy around here since you moved out. Thanks for comin over to help."

"Anytime you need help with daddy, I'm just a phone call away." Tandy replied as one of Lamar's staff showed up with Rayna's phone and door

Rayna took a deep breath as she dialed Deacon's number. She was a little surprised by the report her father sprung on her, but more concerned with Deacon and the country club.

"Hey…" Rayna said as a sleepy Deacon answered the phone

"This is a sweet voice to wake up to!" he groggily muttered, trying to wipe the sleep from his eyes

"I miss you."

"Miss you too, baby! So, you got your phone back?"

"Yeah, Tandy came over and helped kinda smooth things over with daddy."

"That's good, real good. I don't wanna cause problems in your family, Ray."

"I know. Would you like to meet daddy?" Rayna asked

"ahhh….sure, baby, if you think the times right and it'll help?" he hesitantly responded

"He made reservations for all of us at the country club for dinner at 7. Sooo…you'll come?" she asked hopeful

*********silence**********

"Deacon?"

"I dunno, Ray…the country clubs not really my kinda place."

"Please, babe? He's lightening up on me. I need to try to meet him half way and …."

"OK, for you…I'll be there."

"Thanks, Deacon. I can't wait to see you."

"Me too, baby, me too! Hey….I love you!"

"Love you too."

"You got any dress pants that would work with one of these?" Deacon asked Vince as he wandered into the living room with two of his best shirts

"Didn't you just buy some new clothes to impress Rayna?" Vince smirked

"Yeah, but they're jeans. I need dress pants for tonight."

"You…in dress pants? Where ya goin?"

"Do ya got any dress pants or not?" Deacon sniped getting irritated

"Got my black interview pants." Vince quipped

"They clean? Can I borrow em?"

"Back of my bedroom door."

"Where ya goin anyway?" Vince continued to press

"Dinner with Rayna and her dad." Deacon mumbled

"Ohhhhh…We are gettin serious now, huh Deke? Meetin dad!" Vince smirked

"I'm nervous as hell. Can you try to be a little sympathetic here and a little less of an ass?" Deacon snapped

"You're in my pants. How much nicer ya want me?" Vince laughed

"Shut up, Vince!"

Rayna had waited outside the front door for Deacon. Tandy and Lamar had already gone in to get a table when Deacon arrived. He opted not to have valet park his truck, and was a little confused about where to go.

"Sorry I'm late, Ray! I wasn't sure where to go. Never been here." He smiled nervously

"Daddy and Tandy just got a table a few minutes ago. You're fine. Thanks for coming. You look so nice, babe."

"I clean up good, huh?" he asked as she took his hand to lead him inside

"Daddy, Tandy…this is Deacon…" Rayna said as Deacon awkwardly shook hands with each

"Nice to meet you son. Wish I could say I've heard a lot about you, but Rayna's been a bit secretive it seems." Lamar quipped in his usual cold business voice

"Well, we've only been datin a couple months. Nice to meet you both too."

"So, how did you two meet?" Tandy asked

"uuhhhhh…mutual friend I guess. Watty White told me Ray needed a guitar player and well…here we are." Rayna cringed as Deacon mentioned Watty. That was the one part Lamar still wasn't aware of and she'd have preferred to keep that way

"Watty, huh?" Lamar glared at Rayna

"Seems there are a few more secrets." Lamar sniped as he picked up his menu

"Welcome, tonight's specials are on the insert in your menu's. Can I get your drink and appetizer orders?" A young waiter asked breaking the tension a little

"I'll have my usual scotch and a water. What's your poison, Deacon?" Lamar asked

"Iced tea's fine." Deacon really wanted a drink, but was trying to make a good impression

"You don't drink?" Lamar asked pointedly

"I do, just drivin tonight, and hopin to take Rayna out after dinner so probably best if I stick with iced tea." Deacon smiled

"Good answer." Lamar smirked

"So you're a guitarist?" Tandy asked trying to sway the conversation away from alcohol and the DUI's she knew Lamar was dying to ask about

"Yes, been playin for years. Inherited my grand daddy's 38 Martin after he passed. I was about 8. I haven't put it down since."

"So you never had any lessons or help, you just picked it up on your own?" Tandy asked

"Pretty much. I watched my grandpa pretty close when I was little. He showed me a few things, but wasn't till after he passed and left me the guitar I really took an interest and been hooked since."

"Impressive. Are you trying to make it big in country music." Lamar asked

"No sir. I play cause I love music. Gives me an outlet, a way to express feelings. I know I'm good. I don't need anybody to tell me that, but I do appreciate a grateful crowd at shows. That's all I really need."

"No ambitions to do better, go further?" Lamar quipped

"Sure, I'd like to make more money, but I do OK. If things really take off, that'd be great, but I just don't see a need to get my hopes up."

"If music's not your top priority, how do you support yourself, son?"

"Well, I bartend at the Bluebird. Been doin session work and helpin out as a bus boy since I was 16, but when I turned 18 a few years back they let me start bartendin. It's a busy place. I do pretty well with tips on a good night. Gets a little tight when things are slow in the winter months, but I get by."

"I see. Is your family from Nashville, mom, dad?" Lamar continued to press for as much information as he could from Deacon

"aahhh…No, I come from Natchez, Mississippi. Left home when I was 16. My family is still there." Deacon was getting uncomfortable talking about his family. Rayna felt him tense as she held his hand under the table

"16? That's awfully young to up and leave. Did you come right to Nashville?"

"Yes sir. Been here ever since."

The waiter's return and dinner's arrival gave Deacon a reprieve from Lamar's questions. Deacon was doing his best to be a perfect gentleman, but Rayna could tell he wasn't comfortable at the country club or in Lamar's presence as he carefully cut his steak. She squeezed his hand and rubbed his knee several times in support.

"Daddy, I'm gonna go out with Deacon for a while, but I promise I'll be home by 11, OK?"

"What do you two have planned for the evening?" Lamar asked as he signed the credit card slip for dinner

"Probably just take a little walk downtown, maybe some ice cream for dessert." Deacon answered

"Alright, I guess that's OK. Not a second after 11!" Lamar warned

"No problem sir. I'll get her home on time. Thank you for dinner. It was nice to meet you." Deacon nervously shook Lamar's hand as they departed the country club

"Good to finally learn a little about you too, son. Don't be a stranger. I like to know the people my girls choose to associate with. You can come in when you pick my daughter up and drop her off. I'd like to say hi and hear about your plans."

"Sure, I'll do that." Rayna's hand was on Deacon's back. She felt him tense again

"That wasn't so bad, huh?" Rayna asked as Deacon opened the truck door and helped her in

"Nothin like and interrogation over dinner." Deacon sarcastically responded as he climbed into the driver's seat, loosening his top few shirt buttons, and rolling up the sleeves

"I'm sorry, babe. Daddy can be…well…daddy…everything's always so cold and business like."

"Don't get the feelin he likes me much, that's all." Deacon replied as he started the truck

Rayna was quiet as Deacon drove downtown. She was still deep in thought as he parked the truck on the east Nashville side of the bridge. The report Lamar had run on Deacon was bothering her more than she wanted to admit. Deacon's reluctance and tensing as Lamar asked about his family seemed odd. It occurred to her he'd never mentioned his family or where he was from until tonight.

"Ray…hey…RAY?"

"Oh, sorry…I just got caught up in some lyrics I been thinkin about." She lied as he opened her door to help her out of the truck

"About me?" he playfully smirked, forgetting about Lamar as he pulled her out of the truck and into his arms

"Yeah." She smiled, kissing him for the first time all night

"I been waitin to do that all night. C'mere….I need some more of you." He pulled her in for a deep kiss, holding her tight

Her thoughts wandered again as they walked hand in hand across the bridge to the downtown Nashville area. Deacon already knew her well enough to sense something was wrong.

"Somethin wrong, Ray?" he asked squeezing her hand

"No, babe. Why?"

"You sure? Did I mess up tonight? Say somethin wrong?"

"I guess it's more what you haven't said, Deacon. It's not a big deal. Don't worry about it." She tried to smile as they continued to walk

"Sit down, Ray." Deacon pulled Rayna to a bench near the river

They were both quiet for several minutes as they watched people around them, and listened to music drift from the many bars and honky tonks on Broadway.

"What's wrong, Ray? C'mon baby, there's obviously somethin botherin ya." He coaxed

"Daddy ran a background check on you." She finally answered, not really sure how to ask about Deacon's criminal record

"OK." He tensed a little unsure of where she was going with this

"It says you've been arrested 14 times. The last in Jan for assault." She went on

"I don't deny any of that. I'm guilty, but I'm tryin to be better…for you. I aint been in trouble since we met." He swallowed a lump in his throat, looking away, feeling embarrassed about his past

"What happened…in Jan?" she asked rubbing his back in support

"Vince had just got to town. We were out celebratin. We met some women. Went bar hopping round downtown. The 4 of us. Apparently, the one I was with had just broke up with her boyfriend earlier in the evening. Hell, I didn't know nothin bout that. Next thing I know some guy's tryin to pull her outta the bar. They were fightin in the alley. She was tryin to get away from him. He hit her. I'd kinda stayed back and let em argue until that point, but I wasn't gonna let that happen again. I punched him, broke his jaw. The cops came. Of course I didn't have a scratch on me. His jaws broken. Guess who got arrested? It got dropped. The girl gave her statement to the cops defending me. There were several witnesses. All said I just helped her. That's it…spent a few nights in jail while it all got worked out."

"…and the other times?" Rayna asked cautiously sensing Deacon really didn't want to discuss it much further

"Some of the same, but I don't claim to be a saint, Rayna! I've made mistakes. I've caused a few bar fights. Most of the times, I've been too drunk to really remember what happened. Like I said…I've been good since we met, and I hope my past doesn't fuck up my future with you. I love you, Ray. I'm tryin to get myself together, help you out with this music career you want so bad. All I can do is try, Ray. I can't change what I've already done. It was before we met. If it's a pro…" Before he could say anymore she was kissing him

"I don't care about your past, Deacon. Hearing you say you love me and want a future together means everything to me. I can't even picture my life without you anymore. I love you soo much already and the fact that you care so much about my dreams is so special. We've got a little more than an hour. How about a country drive before you take me home?" she asked playfully stealing another kiss

An hour later Deacon walked Rayna to the front door, on time, as Lamar requested. She'd laughed as he nervously wiped the steamed up truck windows off with an old T shirt before leaving their country road make out spot.

"What? I just don't want your daddy to think we….." She pulled him to her side of the truck kissing him all over as he'd reached around her trying to get all the windows cleared

"We're creatin more steam here than I'm clearin, darlin!" he'd laughed and attacked her neck with nibbles

In the foyer at the Wyatt household he'd kissed her again. She'd felt him tense as Lamar's voice coming from his office startled both of them.

"Goodnight sir." Deacon politely called back, before leaning in to steal one last kiss goodnight

"On the up side, I don't need that cold shower tonight thanks to your dad. Love you, baby. Night." Deacon whispered as he nibbled Rayna's ear once last time before leaving


	14. Chapter 14

May 4th, 1990

Deacon and I finally had sex today. It was everything I imagined. He's so soft and gentle. I could be content in his arms forever. I can't get enough of Deacon Claybourne. I love everything about him. He's so damn handsome. He's so soft and cuddly. His scent drives me crazy. I love how his cologne mixes with his body scent. It's an intoxicating mix I can't even describe.

We also had our first show tonight. Our first official paid gig. It was so amazing. I have fans. I really have fans. Not many yet, but it's happening. My dream career seems within reach. With Deacon by my side I really think we can do this, make something beautiful that people really want to hear. He's so amazing with a guitar and always seems to make my lyrics work better. I can never than him enough for helping me make it.

The day wasn't without some problems. I had to sneak away to do this gig. It would have been fine. I should have been home long before daddy, and back in school tomorrow, no one the wiser about where I'd been.

…but Deacon's crappy old truck broke down, resulting is a huge fight between us. We're sitting in a hotel, stuck till morning when the garage can hopefully fix the damn truck. I'm gonna mss school. Daddy's gonna find out.

I'm not sure where Deacon went. I got out of the shower and he's not in the room. We're still fighting. I am really just so exhausted and worried about dealing with daddy I just wanna sleep.

It's so weird to be fighting with Deacon, but at the same time I feel like things will be fine between us. It's just a little spat and we'll always make up. I guess this is what true love really feels like. Even when you're fighting, you never lose that love, and somehow just know it'll all be OK.

Earlier in the day. Getting ready to leave for Johnson City…

"I dunno, Ray! I got a bad feelin about this. Maybe you should just tell your dad the truth about where we're goin." Deacon said as he picked Rayna up on Tue just after noon for their Johnson City gig over 4 hours from Nashville

"He'd never let me go, Deacon! I know he'd do something to mess tonight up for us. It's fine! I covered everything. He'll never know I was gone."

"You sure? We aint gonna make it back till at least 2am." Deacon said as he climbed into the drivers seat

"Relax babe, I forged a note about a doctor's appointment. The school has no reason to call him. He'll never know I cut half a day. He's at some business conference in Denver. I checked his schedule. His flight won't even be back to Nashville until tomorrow afternoon. Mrs. Mays our chef has Tuesdays and Wednesdays off. Daddy's driver is off because daddy is out of town. There's no one here to notice I'm not." Rayna smiled devilishly as she slid across the seat wrapping her arms around Deacon

"Damn you're sexy as hell when you're devious." Deacon laughed pulling her onto his lap for a quick make out session

"You know, the house is empty. It's only noon. It's only 4 hours to Johnson City. We don't sound check until 6. That leaves us a couple hours to spare." Rayna laughed as she slowly unbuttoned Deacon's shirt leaving a trail of kisses lower and lower with each button

"I kinda have some special plans in mind for our first time, Ray." Deacon took a deep breath and blew it back out as she unbuckled his belt

"Everytime with you is gonna be special babe." She whispered as she unzipped his pants driving him insane

"Fuck it! Our second time can be special." he stammered breathlessly as she teased him with a few gentle strokes

His resolve gone. Unable to deny her any longer, he reached around her and turned off the truck engine. His legs felt shaky as he stepped from the truck. He'd never wanted a woman so much in his life as they made their way to the front door still stealing kisses along the way.

Rayna removed his belt as soon as they made it inside, leaving it laying by the front door. Both of them kicked their boots off near the bottom of the stairs. His jeans and her skirt were lost somewhere near the top stair. Their shirts left just outside her bedroom door. Undergarments left a tell tale trail between her door and bed.

"I've never made love to someone I actually love before. This feels so right." Deacon whispered as he began gentle thrusts, careful and so loving with her

"I've never made love, but this is exactly how I always thought it would be. I love you, Deacon. I'm so happy my first time is with you." She smiled as he continued taking his time, so slow, and deliberate in every action driving her insane with anticipation

"Harder Deacon, I can't get enough." She whispered as he quickened his pace and deepened his thrusts

"Better?" he asked

"There's nothing in this world better than this moment right now." She replied

After almost 45 minutes of the best sex Deacon had ever experienced he finally felt the heavenly release. After 2 and a half months of cold showers after dates it was more amazing than he ever imagined.

"How was I?" she playfully asked twirling his chest hair as she layed her head on his chest

"Best I've ever had, baby! Are you sure that was your first time?" he joked

"So now that I've ruined the first time surprise. What were you planning?" she asked still twirling his chest hair

"It's still a surprise." He laughed knowing it had been making her crazy.

"mmmmmmm" she pouted with her bottom lip out

"Gimme that pouty lip." He gently bit her lip encouraging another heavy make out session wrapped in each others arms.

"…round 2?" she playfully asked once he let her up for air

"After round one, I'll never refuse you again, baby. Sooo damn worth the wait!" he smirked as he rolled on top of her playfully for a second afternoon love making session

"I could lay here in your arms forever, Deacon!" Rayna whispered as she layed in his arms after round 2

"Me too, baby! …but it's 1:45! We really gotta get on the road if we're gonna make a 6pm sound check in Johnson City."

She cuddled against him in the truck, unable to get enough of the intimacy they now shared. Making love to Deacon all afternoon had only bonded them closer than ever.

She drifted off to sleep feeling safer and warmer than she'd ever felt with anyone, his arm tightly around her as she slept.

"Wake up, sweetie. We're here." Deacon gently woke her with sweet forehead kisses in the parking lot at Down Home

"C'mon, baby. It's 5:54. We just made it." He slid her across the vinyl seat and out the drivers side door with him, as she groggily woke up

"It's so chilly." She shivered in her sleeveless dress as the wind picked up around them

"It's gonna storm tonight. Here, put this on." He sweetly reached behind the seat grabbing his favorite button up denim shirt, draping it around her

She took in his scent, heavy on the shirt as he got his guitar from the truck bed

"Smells like your cologne." She smiled as they walked hand in hand into the venue

The night went well. Deacon and Rayna performed the best ever version of "No One Will Ever Love You" ever. Deacon began what would become part of the show as he gently leaned in for a deep kiss just after the song. It was the start of a marketing scheme neither had intended, but seemed to fascinate fans. After the Johnson City show people seemed to expect them as a couple and it only increased their popularity. Edgehill even asked Watty to request they heat things up even more onstage. It came easy as the lovers became closer, and their onstage and offstage lives seemed to meld together seamlessly.

"It's pourin out there, baby! I'll go get the truck. Meet me by the door in 5." Deacon gently kissed Rayna's cheek as she signed some autographs. She was in heaven as people began to take notice of her musically

Deacon still hadn't come back after 10 minutes. She got caught up with fans again as he finally came in to grab his guitar.

"You ready?" he asked shuffling her away from a few fans

"Sorry folks. We got a little bit of a drive back to Nashville. We really gotta go." He smiled and apologized to the small crowd

"What took you so long?" she asked as he shielded her the best he could from the pelting rain

"Truck wouldn't start. It gets a little temperamental when it rains. It'll be OK once we get goin. I gotta put my Martin up front. The beds full of water" he smiled as he put the guitar in first, sliding it over against the passenger door

"Oh, I see how this works. The guitar goes first?" Rayna joked

"Only so you can be in the middle next to me, where I can reach you." He laughed as he slid her in from the driver's side and slid in close next to her.

"Are you sure we're gonna make it back to Nashville? This truck is sputtering an awful lot."

"Hope so. She's never let me down before." Deacon smiled patting the dashboard as he pumped the gas pedal a few times. The engine leveled out, running smoother.

"I think we're OK. Don't worry, baby." He squeezed Rayna's hand gently before shifting into drive

"Good show, huh?" he asked a few miles down the road

"It's been a good day all around. Thank you for making today so special, Deacon." Rayna smiled and nuzzled in close against Deacon for the long ride home.

She drifted off to sleep warm and cozy against him, the denim shirt he'd loaned her wrapped around her.

"I didn't mean to wake you. You want anything, baby?" he whispered after accidentally waking her trying to extricate himself from her grasp at a gas station

"Hot chocolate." She smiled as he reached for the door handle

"OK, stay here. It's still pourin. I need gas, and I'll get your hot chocolate. Don't miss me." He smirked stepping out into the chilly, wet night

"It is freezin out there for early May." He handed Rayna her hot chocolate and his coffee as he climbed back in rubbing his hands together

"I bet I could warm you up." She smirked and nibbled his ear with warm breath from the hot chocolate

"You just did." He laughed as he turned the key.

"Come on….come on…." He coaxed as the truck sputtered and refused to start after several tries

"What' wrong?" Rayna asked

"I dunno. I'm better at tunin guitars. Engines, not so much." He turned the key again, finally getting it going after 5 or 6 more tries

"There we go. Lets get some heat on. Your hands are gettin cold, baby. Few hours you'll be in your warm bed at home" He switched on the heat and kissed her fingers

"The only thing that would make that better is if you'll stay with me in my bed?" Rayna asked sheepishly

"After this afternoon, that sounds like an offer I can't refuse." He leaned in for a quick kiss before pulling away from the gas station

They'd only gone a few miles when the truck started sputtering and shaking horribly.

"Goddammit!" Deacon cussed as he pulled to the side of the road. He tried pumping the gas pedal to level things out again, but the engine died instead.

"Fuck!" he tried for 10 minutes, but the stubborn truck wasn't cooperating as he held the key and pumped the gas pedal trying to get it to restart

"Now what?" Rayna asked worried

"Guess I'll take a look under the hood. Maybe it's somethin simple. Can you hand me the flashlight from the glove compartment, baby?" he asked as he pulled the hood release

"DEACON! It's pouring down rain out there. You're gonna get soaked!"

"Well, what the hell do ya suggest? I gotta get you back to Nashville before anyone notices you're missin, or your dads gonna have my ass." He snapped as he climbed out, stepping into a deep puddle, which only incited another tirade of obscenities as he raised the hood

He fumbled around for several minutes before climbing back in, soaked and in a foul mood

"Come on….Start goddammit!" he coaxed as he tried a few times with no luck before stepping back into the rain

"Hey, Ray…you wanna try it? Maybe I'll see somethin I'm missin if I can watch while it tries to start." He asked as Rayna slid over to try

"You're gonna have to give it a little gas, Ray. It's not fuel injected like your car." He snapped as Rayna turned the key.

"Whoa whoa….NOT SO MUCH! I SAID A LITTLE GAS! NOW THE DAMN ENGINES FLOODED!" He yelled as he came back to the open drivers side door where Rayna was getting pelted with rain

"HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHAT YOU WANT, DEACON?" she snapped back, mad after he'd yelled at her, wet, cold and irritated with the whole situation

"WHAT PART OF A LITTLE GAS DIDN'T YOU UNDERSTAND? SLIDE OVER!" he yelled as he climbed back in, soaked, and equally as mad

He sat fuming for several minutes, neither speaking before he decided to try the key again

"COME ON! GREAT! JUST FUCKIN GREAT!" The battery was dying as he held the gas pedal to the floor trying to clear the flooded engine.

"DAMMITT!" He punched the dashboard, slammed the door, slammed the hood, and sat on the front bumper in the rain for several minutes

Rayna hadn't said another word as his temper took over. He finally knocked on the passenger window after he'd cooled off a little. Rayna rolled it down.

"The gas station wasn't too far back. I'm already soaked. Gonna walk back and call a tow truck. Stay here. Keep the doors locked. I'll be back soon."

"YOU'RE SERIOUSLY JUST GONNA LEAVE ME HERE?" she yelled

"I SAID I'D BE BACK! WHAT THE HELL DO YA WANT ME TO DO, RAY? THE DAMN BATTERY IS DEAD. THE TRUCK'S NOT GONNA START. WE CAN'T SIT HERE ALL GODDAMN NIGHT!" he snapped and started walking

Rayna sat alone in the dark alongside the road for 30 minutes, before Deacon came back with a tow truck driver. They tried to jump start the truck, but it didn't work.

"If it was OK before the rain started I'd say it's a moisture in the engine problem. All I can do this late is tow it to the garage and they'll look at it first thing in the morning. You folks need a ride to a hotel?" The tow driver offered standing next to Deacon's open driver's side door in the rain

"Yeah, I guess we do. That'd be great. Thanks." Deacon replied

"Why don't you folks hop in my truck and get warm. I'll get ya hooked up and we'll be on the way."

Neither spoke as they sat waiting for the tow driver to finish up

"Here's my card. The garage is just a block that way. I'll tell em it's priority first thing since ya'll are from outta town and need to get goin." The driver said as he dropped Rayna and Deacon off at a small hotel

Rayna slammed the bathroom door as she went in to take a hot shower. She'd been freezing for hours in the rain. When she came out Deacon wasn't in the room.

"You hungry?" he asked when he came back 20 minutes later with a pizza and her favorite soda

"No, I just wanna go to bed." She flatly replied as she slipped under the covers of the only bed in the room, not bothering to remove the hotel bathrobe she had wrapped around herself

"Alright!" he tossed the pizza on the night stand, grabbing a piece, before going to take his own hot shower

Rayna was sound asleep by the time he came out. He quietly slipped into bed next to her, a dry towel wrapped around his waist.

"You awake?" he whispered a little later as she stirred next to him

"Yeah." She replied turning to face him

"I don't wanna fight. It's our first night in a hotel together. Aside from the damn truck breakin down, it's been a great day." He smiled and brushed her red locks away from her eyes as they layed facing each other

"Your temper scares me, Deacon. You just blow without thinking."

"I'm sorry, baby. Guess I need to work on that. I'm not mad at you. The truck breakin down is my own damn fault. I knew there was a problem whenever the weather was damp. I shoulda fixed it a long time ago, before THIS! You forgive me?"

"What am I gonna tell, daddy? I'm gonna miss school tomorrow. My cars in the driveway. If he gets home before we do he's gonna know somethings up." Rayna was getting hysterical

"Hey..Relax, OK? We'll figure it out. Maybe you should just tell him the truth, Ray? I mean, we're got 5 more shows outta town. Are you gonna lie every time?"

"You don't understand how against music he is, Deacon! He hated that mama had a career in music and was never home."

"OK, well, you're 18 and schools out in what, 3 weeks? He can't really stop you, Ray."

"YOU DON'T GET IT! DADDY IS A VERY POWERFUL MAN! HE GETS HIS WAY!" Rayna was getting mad again

"Hey, Calm down! It's gonna be OK. I promise, baby. If I got any say in it, all your dreams are gonna come true, and there aint a damn thing your daddy or anyone else is gonna do to stop you."

"C'mere." He pulled her close against him in bed

"I'm just scared he's gonna do something to blow things for me with Edgehill." She let Deacon hold her as she cried

"Look at me. He can't do anything to blow this. You're damn good and Edgehill knows that. You're 18 so he can't stop you." Deacon gently kissed the tears off her cheeks

"I love you so much, Deacon!" she melded into him clinging tight as he held her

"We're damn near a perfect fit. See that? Go to sleep, Ray. You're overly tired and upset. I didn't help matters much losing my temper. I'm sorry. I love you, baby. We'll figure it all out in the mornin together, OK? Night sweetheart." He sweetly kissed her forehead she drifted to sleep in his arms


	15. Chapter 15

May 5th, 1990

Dear Diary,

Deacon is sound asleep next to me. It feels so weird to say we're home in bed together, but we are. He's so handsome even when he's snoring. After the past couple days I can honestly say I love him with all my heart. I've learned so much about him this past couple days.

He's so loving, caring, and generous with the people that mean the most to him, although he does have a temper that scares the hell out of me. He's quick to anger, but it seems to pass just as quickly.

…and make up sex is pretty awesome! Maybe his anger isn't so bad after all?

Daddy kicked me out, and Deacon didn't hesitate to take me in. I was so touched when he asked me to move in with him. We've only been dating a couple months, and I never expected this.

His roommate Vince is a little quirky, but we seem to be getting along OK. He's kind of a loveable goof ball. I think he gets on Deacon's nerves a little, but they're best friends and I know Deacon cares a lot about Vince.

I haven't spoken to daddy since our phone call. He didn't bother to even come out of his office as Deacon and I carried my things out of the home I've lived in for 18 yrs. It really hurt.

I was wrong to keep things from him, but I don't feel like I deserve the way he's treating me. I'm not sure how Tandy feels. I hope this doesn't ruin my relationship with the only sister and blood family member I have left.

As far as I'm concerned I no longer have a father. I have Deacon, Vince, and Watty, and hopefully Tandy. My career is beginning. Life is changing, but maybe it's all for the best.

I certainly have the best boyfriend a girl could ask for. Goodnight for now…I can no longer resist cuddling with this gorgeous man next to me. His snoring is absolutely adorable.

That morning at the hotel…

"I missed you! Your hands are cold, babe. Where have you been?" Rayna asked sleepily as Deacon wrapped himself around her from behind, pulling her close, sweet kisses and whisker nuzzles on the back of her neck

"Go back to sleep, baby. It's early." He whispered as she pulled his arm around her tighter under the blankets, both drifting into sleep

A couple hours passed as they slept peacefully in each others arms, last night's fight forgotten.

"Do you know how beautiful you are?" Deacon smiled and leaned in for a deep morning kiss as the bright sun crept through the space between the heavy hotel room curtains

"I never wanna leave this bed! I love waking up in your arms." Rayna smiled back at him after another few kisses

"You hungry? You didn't eat dinner last night, baby."

"For you…."

"Well, I got some donuts when I was out earlier, but your idea sounds so much more appealing." He laughed, pulling the covers over their heads as he took time to kiss every inch of her.

She nibbled his neck and ears whispering sweet nothings as he made love to her so slowly and gently, taking his time enjoying every second.

"I love you"

"I need you"

"I miss you so much when we're apart"

"I can't live without you"

"I want you"

"Always and forever"

"How bout we move this to the shower?" he asked as they layed still wrapped in each others arms a couple hours later.

"mmmmm…Do we really have to get up?" She whined

"I'm sorry, sweetheart, but yeah. Check out's at noon. It's after 11."

"It's that late?" she jumped up

"There went THAT mood!" Deacon just laughed watching her frantically scrambling for her clothes she'd left near the wall heater to dry

"Relax, baby! The truck won't be done till around 2. They had to order a part. C'mere…take a shower with me? We'll get some lunch." He pulled her into his arms trying to calm her

"I had no idea it was so late! 2pm for the truck? We're not gonna be back in Nashville till 6 or 7, Deacon! What am I gonna do about Daddy? His plane lands in Nashville in a couple hours. The high school has probably already left a message wondering why I'm not in class. He's gonna know anyway as soon as he sees my car in the driveway that something is up." She was rambling frantically as he tried to calm her with kisses

"Deacon…wha…you….I…." she finally gave in and let him undress and kiss her all the way to the shower.

"It's gonna be OK, alright?" He massaged her soapy shoulders trying to take away the tension

The shower massage and lovemaking only kept her content for a short while. She'd rambled all the way down the block as they walked to a diner, and for 20 minutes as they waited for their order.

"Why don't you just call him?" Deacon finally said as they sat across from each other at a small diner, having lunch, and waiting for Deacon's truck

"He's gonna be so mad, Deacon!"

"Well, I know, baby, but you're pretty much screwed at this point anyway. He's probably home, and seen the car. At least if you call him you'll kinda know what you're walkin into when ya get there."

"Here…there's a pay phone in the corner." Deacon handed her several quarters from his pocket

Back in Nashville Lamar was already mad as hell. He'd just gotten off the phone with the school secretary who'd been worried after Rayna left for a doctor's appointment yesterday and hadn't returned to school.

He'd immediately checked the home security system and outside cameras for Rayan's comings and goings since yesterday. The video had picked up Deacon's truck in the driveway for over 2 hours and them making out as they went into the house. It showed no other log times. Lamar knew she hadn't come home last night.

The timing of her call couldn't have been worse as Lamar sat seething at his desk, rewatching the security video.

"Hey, Daddy.." she said meekly into the phone as he answered

"WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?" he yelled, his usual cold business tone replaced by a booming deep voice

"I'm with Deacon. His truck broke down. We're in Johnson City." Her voice cracked as she tried to explain

"WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU 4 HOURS FROM NASHVILLE ON A SCHOOL DAY?" he yelled showing no sign of concern or calming

"We had a gig here last night, Daddy. I planned to come home right after, I swear…I did, but the truck wouldn't start…and…"

"RIGHT…THE TRUCK BROKE DOWN! THAT'S AWFULLY DAMN CONVENIENT, RAYNA!"

"Daddy, it's true…I…" she stammered

"YOU LEFT SCHOOL YESTERDAY WITH A FORGED NOTE, YOU SKIPPED TODAY. YOU'RE 4 HOURS AWAY WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND. WHY SHOULD I BELIEVE ANYTHING YOU SAY AT THIS POINT, RAYNA?"

"…it's the truth, Daddy. I knew you wouldn't approve of a gig, but I didn't plan to skip school today."

"BULLSHIT! I WASN'T BORN YESTERDAY, RAYNA! I LET YOU OFF THE HOOK TOO EASY BEFORE. YOU TOOK THE FIRST OPPORTUNITY YOU GOT, WHEN I WAS OUT OF TOWN, TO RUN OFF WITH DEACON FOR THE NIGHT!"

"No, that's not what this was, daddy. Yes, I lied and kept things from you, but I didn't do this to run off with Deacon. I did it because I love music and this is my chance to make something of a career. Deacon's part of that, but this isn't his fault."

"HE'S TAKING ADVANTAGE OF YOU, RAYNA! HE'S A 21 YEAR OLD, DRUNK WITH NO FUTURE!"

"He is not, and this isn't about Deacon! It's about me and the choices I've made about my future."

"EITHER WAY, I DON'T CARE! YOU HAVE A BLATANT DISREGARD FOR ME, AND THE RULES I'VE SET FOR YOU. I TRIED TO LIGHTEN UP AND GIVE YOU AND DEACON THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT, BUT THIS IS HOW YOU RESPOND TO THAT TRUST!"

"Daddy…I'm sorry…I'll be home as soon as the trucks fixed."

"DON'T BOTHER, RAYNA! YOU DON'T WANNA LIVE BY MY RULES, YOU DON'T NEED TO LIVE IN MY HOUSE! YOU THINK YOU KNOW IT ALL AT 18, HUH? WE'LL SEE HOW WELL YOU DO ON YOUR OWN. I HOPE DEACON'S READY TO SUPPORT YOU. DON'T COME WHINING TO ME WHEN HE DISAPPOINTS YOU, AND HE WILL! THE KIDS BEEN ARRESTED 14 TIMES. HE'S ONLY 21. YOU THINK HE DOESN'T HAVE A DRINKING PROBLEM? WAKE UP RAYNA! HE'S NO GOOD FOR YOU!"

"Daddy, I'm sorry. I swear, I'll tell you what I'm doing from now on…." She sobbed into the phone

"IT'S A LITTLE LATE FOR THAT! I'LL HAVE MRS. MAYS PACK YOUR PERSONAL THINGS. THEY'LL BE WAITING FOR YOU IN THE FOYER. LEAVE YOUR HOUSE KEYS AND GARAGE DOOR OPENERS ON THE FOYER TABLE." He was so cold and uncaring

"You're kicking me out?" she sobbed harder

****silence*****

"Daddy?" she heard the line go dead

"You gonna tell me what happened?" Deacon tried again almost an hour later as he drove back to Nashville

Rayna hadn't said a word since her call with Lamar. She'd barely taken 2 bites of her lunch. She slumped against the passenger door in Deacon's truck crying quietly, unwilling to talk.

"Ray? Come on, sweetheart…what's wrong? I can't help you if you don't talk to me. Please, baby?" he pleaded, getting worried. He'd never seen her so upset.

"You're worryin me, Ray. Just talk to me, huh?" he continued to press as he pulled off the highway into a rest area.

"C'mere…whatever it is, we'll get through it together. It's gonna be OK. I promise, baby." He pulled her into his arms, gently kissing her forehead as she began to sob uncontrollably into his chest

"Shhhh…don't cry sweetheart. It's killin me to see you so upset. Tell me what's wrong?" he wiped her tears away as he sat her up to face him

"You're still beautiful. Makeup a mess, red eyes, hair all matted and wet…" he smiled as he looked into her sad eyes

"He kicked me out!" she fell against Deacon sobbing, as she wrapped her arms around him tight

"Didn't expect that." Deacon rubbed her back as he held her

"I don't have anywhere to go. Tandy always sides with Daddy. I don't even have a job. I doubt he'll let me have my car. What am I gonna do, Deacon?" she continued to sob

"Dammit, I feel like this is partially my fault. If I'd a fixed the damn truck months ago before it broke down, this coulda been avoided." He sighed as he continued to rub her back

"It's not your fault, Deacon. I lied to him, and kept things from him. You told me to tell him before we left for Johnson City. He would have been mad, but I doubt he'd have kicked me out if I'd have just told him."

"You know, it was pretty nice wakin up with you in my arms this mornin. How bout we make that an every mornin thing?"

"What? Are you …asking me to move in with you?" she asked surprised and touched all at the same time

"Yeah, what do ya say? You wanna shack up?" he laughed as she hugged him

"Deacon, I don't know what to say. You are absolutely the best thing that's ever happened to me. I love you." She started crying again, but happy tears this time

"Come on. No more tears, baby. I love you too, very very much! Is that a yes?"

"Yes, I'd love to wake up in your arms everyday! Thank you!" she hugged him tighter smiling

"Don't thank me just yet, baby. You aint experienced Vince in his underwear 24 hours a day." He laughed as he started the truck

"Oh, I kinda forgot you have a roommate."

"Is that what it's called?" he sarcastically asked

"He's not your roommate?" Rayna asked confused

"More like a freeloadin best friend. I love the guy, but he's had like 12 jobs since January. The only time he helps with rent is when his mama sends it to him"

"Why do you let him stay?"

"He's my best friend. Little rough around the edges and he can be a major ass, which I'll apologize now for. Growin up I didn't have a very great home life. Vince and his mama were really good to me. I spent more time there than at home. Kinda feel like I owe his mama, I guess."

"You have an amazing heart, Deacon!" Rayna squeezed his hand, feeling lucky to have met such a sweet, caring man

"You've made my heart very happy, Ray. We'll get through this, together, OK? Let's go home." Deacon smiled as he shifted the truck into drive

"Home …sounds so nice." Rayna snuggled against him feeling grateful and a lot better as they neared Nashville

"You ready for this?" Deacon asked as he parked the truck in front of Lamar's house to pick up Rayna's things

"Nervous, but yeah. I just wanna get this over with."

Deacon held Rayna's hand as they entered the foyer. He was a little taken aback by the number of boxes stacked and waiting.

"All of this is clothes, and personal items?" he asked

"I have a lot of clothes." She shrugged thinking nothing of it

"Ray, I just have a 2 bedroom apartment. It aint very big and we got Vince too. Do you need ALL of this?"

"I'm not sure what's what, and where they packed everything. Can we just take it all for now, and I'll sort through it when we get home."

"Yeah, OK. Whatever you want, baby. I'll start loadin stuff into the truck." He grabbed the first couple boxes.

"Thanks, I'm gonna run upstairs and make sure they got everything."

It was strange to see the room she'd lived in for 18 years so bare. Lamar had requested ALL of her personal items be removed. Nothing was left but the furniture. He'd even had the pink fluffy rugs and shower curtain removed from the bathroom. Her pink comforter and pillows replaced by a bland earth toned one.

She sat on the bed. A few tears escaped as she looked around the empty space void of her memories now. She lost track of time thinking about her mom.

"You OK?" Deacon asked as he sat next to her on the bed

"Not really." She started crying again

"C'mere… I got kinda worried. You been up here a while. Trucks all loaded." He pulled her close for a hug

"I miss her so much, Deacon! There were so many memories in this room with her. She used to sing me to sleep when I was little, and she tried to teach me guitar in this room." She held Deacon tighter as she cried

"Shhhh…it's alright, Ray. You'll always have your memories of her. Don't matter where you are. She'll always be with you. You got her beautiful voice, and you learned so much from her. She's on that stage with you every show." He smiled, kissing her forehead

"You're right. It's just a room. The last 5 or 6 years sure haven't been very happy ones here."

"We'll work on the next 5 or 6, together, baby. Lets go home." He pulled her up and into a kiss

"There is one first from this room I'll never forget. Yesterday with you." She kissed him back, holding him tight

"You wanna say goodbye to your dad?" Deacon asked as they got to the bottom of the stairs. Lamar was on the phone in his office. He hadn't bothered to come out.

"No." Rayna said as she left her house and car keys on the foyer table as requested

Rayna was quiet on the drive across town. Deacon was being so sweet and supportive. She watched him as he drove, his dark sunglasses covering his gorgeous blue eyes. She still couldn't believe he was hers, or that he'd become such an important part of her life in just a couple short months.

"ahhhhh…can you give me just a minute before you come up?" Deacon asked as he parked the truck outside his apartment

"Everything OK?" she asked

"Yeah, everything's great, baby! I just need to talk to Vince for a second before I spring this on him. Probably be best to make sure he's decent, and alone."

"Is he not gonna be OK with this?"

"I aint seen May's rent from him, so it don't really matter if he's OK or not with this."

"Deacon, I don't wanna cause problems between you two. Maybe I should just go to a hotel tonight, and figure out what to do tomorrow."

"Don't be silly, Ray. I asked you to move in with me. I want this, baby. Leave Vince to me, OK? I'll be right back." She watched as he climbed the steps to his 2nd floor apartment

"Oh, good, you're alone. Do me a favor, and put some pants on, huh?" Deacon asked an underwear clad Vince as he lumbered on the couch

"What the hell for? It's almost time for bed now. Why get dressed? …and where the hell have you been for 2 days?" Vince snapped

"Cause I asked you to. Rayna's here. Damn truck broke down in Johnson City. Just got it fixed today. Will ya just put some fuckin clothes on, so I can bring her up here?" Deacon snapped as he looked around at the mess that had slowly started to reappear since Vince last cleaned up.

"What? You afraid she'll want me? I'm pretty sexy in my underwear." Vince laughed as Deacon tried to clean up a little

"Yeah, that's it." Deacon snapped sarcastically

"You been with her for 2 days. Take her home. We'll go out for pizza and beer." Vince suggested

"We gotta talk about that. I asked her to move in with me."

"Here? No way, Deke! This is a bachelor pad. You want a woman here?" Vince wasn't happy

"Since you aint paid rent, you don't get a vote! Get dressed, please? She's waitin in the truck." Deacon snapped

"She's movin in NOW, TONIGHT?" Vince grumbled as he retreated to his bedroom for clothes

"Yeah, and I need some help with her stuff. Come on out when you're dressed." Deacon was on his way back down to Rayna before Vince could protest again

"Alright baby, He's gettin dressed." Deacon opened her door and lifted her into his arms, smiling.

"Am I supposed to carry you over the threshold or somethin?" he laughed as he sat her down with a kiss on the tailgate of his truck

"We're not married. I don't think we need to do that just yet." She smiled as they each grabbed boxes

"OK, I'll save that for our weddin day." He smirked as he carried boxes past her

Vince was near the top of the stairs as they made their first trip in with boxes.

"I don't think you two have been formally introduced. Rayna, Vince, Vince, Rayna."

"Nice to meet you, Vince. I've heard so much about you." Rayna smiled

"Same here. Welcome home." Vince muttered still not happy about the situation as he began helping with boxes

"Where the hell are we gonna put all this shit?" he asked after Rayna went back out for more boxes and he had a second alone with Deacon

"I dunno, Vince! It's been a long goddamn two days! The truck broke down, Rayna's daddy kicked her out, she's pretty upset. Just fuckin humor me for tonight, and BE NICE!" Deacon snapped as he went for more boxes

Once all the boxes were stacked around the small apartment Deacon showed Rayna around. Vince went to his bedroom to give them some privacy.

"Welcome home, baby! I know it's nothin great, but …"

"It's fine, Deacon. Anywhere with you is fine." She cut him off with a sweet kiss

"Well, you pretty much got the living, dining, kitchen combo here. Bathroom is end of the hall. Our bedroom is on the right side of the hall, Vince is on the left."

"Our bedroom. That sounds so nice, Deacon."

"Even nicer to get you all to myself in that bed every night, and wake up with you in my arms every mornin." He leaned in for a deep kiss just as Vince came out

"Oh, sorry to interrupt. Can I borrow your truck, Deke?" Vince asked

"What the hell for?" Deacon snapped

"I asked if you wanted to do pizza and beer? Just cause you don't…I'd still like to."

"Why don't we all go? We can get to know each other over dinner. My treat for letting me invade your lives." Rayna offered

"Yeah, Deke…let's all get to know each other." Vince smirked getting his way

"Alright, guess we're goin out for pizza and beer. Good idea baby." Deacon agreed

"awe, didn't know I was your baby." Vince laughed

"I meant the gettin to know each other part, dipshit! Just get in the damn truck and shut up. You got your way."

"Do you two always bicker like an old married couple?" Rayna laughed

"…as long as he keeps me barefoot and in beer we'll be together forever." Vince quipped

"Yeah, you need to be findin a damn job to pay for your own goddamn beer." Deacon snapped as they piled into his truck

"I'm lookin, honey." Vince slid in the middle and kissed Deacon's cheek

"What the hell ya doin? Let Ray sit in the middle." Deacon snapped rubbing Vince's kiss off his cheek

"No, I'm fine over here. You two just do whatever it is you normally do." Rayna laughed as Deacon and Vince continued to argue all the way to the pizza place

"I like her already, and you said she'd come between us!" Vince joked and laughed kissing Deacon's cheek again before he could get out of the truck, getting more laughter from Rayna

"I'm glad you're findin this so amusin, baby! Good to see you laughin after a rough couple days." Deacon put his arm around Rayna, smiling, as they walked into the pizza place.


	16. Chapter 16

May 20th, 1990

Dear Diary,

It's been a couple weeks since I moved in with Deacon and Vince. I love every second with Deacon, but it hasn't been without challenges.

Men are gross! There are always sweaty, smelly socks left lying around. Neither of them do dishes. Deacon tries to be a gentleman around me, but I hear him in the living room with Vince cussing at ball games, talking about women, burping, farting, scratching…all the lovely things men do. Don't get me started on the condition of the bathroom, or the smells in this apartment! At least Deacon tries to be a gentleman with me. Vince pretty much just lets everything fly even if I'm in the room.

Deacon drinks more than I realized. I didn't know he drank every night until I moved in. Sometimes enough to pass out. It scares me when he's that drunk. I feel like I need to keep checking for breathing. Most of the time it's just a couple beers after work, but it bothers me that he does it every night.

I haven't said anything about any of it. I owe Deacon everything. He's taking care of me. He refuses to let me work until I'm done with high school. He's working as many hours as they'll give him at the Bluebird to support the 3 of us. Vince hasn't been able to get a job. I don't really think he's tried, but again I don't say anything. I'm the newbie here.

Overall, I'm happy. Deacon is so sweet, warm, and caring. He has his bad days. I hate those moody, brooding funks he sometimes gets into. He's impossible in those times. I just stay out of his way, and try not to upset him until it passes. I'm sure he's just overly tired from all the hours he's working.

I'd love to ask Deacon to prom, but I know it's not his thing. He'll probably be working next weekend anyway. I should just have Megan take the dress back.

Earlier in the day…

"Where's Deke?" Vince asked as Rayna came home from school

"He had to go back to work. That Jerry guy called in sick again. He took his dinner break to pick me up from school and went back. I feel so bad. He works so much since I moved in to support all of us. He won't let me get a job until I'm done with school."

"I'm lookin, but when ya been fired 12 times…"

"When are you lookin? You're still in bed when I leave for school and on the couch in your underwear when I get home." Rayna laughed. It didn't take Vince long to get comfortable enough with her to go back to his old habits.

"You're startin to sound like Deacon!"

"Whatever Vince. I'm gonna take a nap so I can stay up later and spend some time with Deacon when he gets home. If that's for me, just take a message." Rayna said as the phone rang

"Alright, hang on. I'll ask her."

"Rayna…hey…your friend Megan said you had plans tonight. Did you forget?" Vince said handing her the phone

"Oh, crap! Yeah, with everything going on, I did. Thanks Vince." Rayna sat up to take the phone

"I'm sorry Meg! I completely forgot. I'll get ready. Give me 10 minutes."

"Goin out?" Vince asked as Rayna rushed to the bathroom with some clothes

"Can I go?"

"You really wanna go prom dress shopping with two teenage girls?" Rayna laughed

"Sure, maybe I'll meet someone. Is Megan single? She got a prom date?" Vince asked

"uuuhhhmm…yeah, she has a boyfriend. Sorry, I'm sure she'd be flattered." Rayna said sarcastically

"Damn, but can I still go?" Vince asked

"I guess if you want to that bad."

"I'm bored outta my mind. Deke's been workin doubles and late for a week."

"awe, you miss him?"

"Well, yeah, probably not as much as you but…" Vince just laughed

"So, you and Deke goin to prom?" Vince asked from the backseat of Megan's BMW

"I didn't ask him." Rayna quietly replied

Much to Rayna's surprise Vince was actually pretty fun to hang out with, and offered a lot of guy perspective about dresses. Some of it not so constructive, but he was a constant source of amusement.

"Not enough boobage." He quipped at Megan's first choice

"Too frilly, when he leans in to kiss you that'll get in the way." He advised on the second

"I like it, but maybe in a darker blue." He suggested

"Maybe with a different bra." He laughed

"This one would be perfect for you, Rayna!" Megan held up a shimmery dark blue, sleeveless

"I'm not even going. There's no point in trying it on." Rayna sadly replied

"Why don't you ask, Deke?" Vince suggested

"It's not his thing, and he's been working so much. Plus we really don't have the money. I don't have much left from daddy, He's not putting anything in my account anymore. It would be stupid and a waste of money."

"I'm buying it for you! It's more than a week away. Maybe you'll change your mind. You should at least ask Deacon." Megan offered

"You don't have to do that, Meg!"

"It's done. Get in there and try it on."

"Well…" Rayna asked as she modeled the dress

"Wow! I doubt Deke would turn down even the prom if he saw you in THAT!" Vince smiled

Rayna hung the dress on the back of the closet door when they got home. She'd meant to stay up late and see Deacon, but was exhausted after school, shopping and fell asleep doing homework on the bed.

Deacon got home around 2am after his 3rd night closing the Bluebird. Vince was watching late night comedy and drinking on the couch when he came home.

"Ray still up?" he asked as he came in

"I dunno, doin homework last I knew." Vince mumbled as Deacon quietly went into the bedroom

Rayna was sprawled on the bed, books and notes scattered around her, sound asleep. He tried a few gentle kisses. She didn't move. He sweetly removed her shoes, cleared the books, and covered her, before returning to the living room, flopping in the chair with a beer.

"Out like a light! What did you guys do tonight anyway?" Deacon asked rubbing his tired eyes

"Prom dress shopping with Ray's friend Megan."

"Wait…YOU went prom dress shoppin with two women?" Deacon laughed

"Yeah, it wasn't so bad. Hot women and pretty dresses!" Vince quipped

"I'm not sure whether to find this hilarious or be pissed." Deacon scowled

"What? It's not like I saw Rayna naked! She just showed me how a dress looked on her, and Megan tried on several."

"She aint mentioned prom to me!" Deacon snapped a little mad

"She doesn't think you'd want to go, and she feels bad cause you're workin so much."

"She buy a dress?"

"No, but her friend Megan bought one for her. Said she couldn't afford it."

"Does Ray want to go to prom?" Deacon asked after thinking for several minutes

"Yeah, I think so. What teenage girl doesn't want to go to her senior prom, Deke?"

"Do me a favor? Don't tell Ray we talked about this." Deacon asked as he got up to go to bed

"Sure man, whatever! Night!"

Rayna hadn't moved since Deacon had tucked her in. He quietly opened the closet door. The dress was hanging on the back of the door.

"She sure would be pretty in that." He thought to himself as he closed the door and got ready for bed

He wrapped his arms around her as he slid under the covers. She'd gotten so used to him, she barely stirred.

He layed awake thinking about all she'd had to give up. She was used to driving a brand new BMW, now replaced by a crappy old chevy truck. She was used to a cook and maid, now she'd pretty much become a maid trying to keep up with dirty socks, and messes living with two young men. Her unlimited cash from her father had stopped. It had only been a couple weeks, but she hadn't complained about anything.

"Love you, baby! You deserve so much better." He whispered as he kissed her head one last time before falling asleep


	17. Chapter 17

May 27th, 1990

Dear Diary,

I hate to admit it, but daddy may have been right about Deacon.

I'm sitting alone in Deacon's old truck at the park. I left the apartment earlier after a day from hell with Deacon. He's been an asshole all day. I know he feels like hell, but it's his own fault. He overdosed on some pills, I didn't even know he was taking. We spent last night at the hospital.

I've tried to be patient, and help him today. He's been angry, irritable, and argumentative all day. Probably withdrawl, but I couldn't take another second in that apartment.

I'm not sure what to think or feel right now. I'm angry that he's kept things from me, but more angry at myself for not noticing he was on something. I've lived with him for 3 weeks and can't believe I missed it.

I was so worried last night when he wouldn't wake up. Amazing how worry has gone to anger and confusion. I have no desire to go home.

I love Deacon, but I'm not sure I can live with this side of him. He doesn't seem to want help, and I have no idea how to deal with this.

I want to stay angry, but part of me wants to curl up and cry.

I could run to my sister and move in with her. I could also go home, and try to work things out with Deacon.

Last night…

"You look so tired, Deacon. Why don't you let me drive, please?" Rayna asked as they drove back to Nashville after the 2nd of 6 small gigs Watty had arranged for them, this one in Franklin.

"Yeah, alright, baby." Deacon responded as he pulled to the side of the road yawning

He'd agreed, much to her surprise. He rarely let her do much to help him, and he knew she hated driving his old truck.

"Working all these hours and doing this tour, and rehearsals….it's too much, Deacon. You need to slow down. Let me get a job and help, or make Vince get a job." Rayna said as she pulled back onto the highway

"I'm too damn tired to fight right now, Ray. I just wanna lay my head on your soft lap, and dream of you, baby." Deacon was sound asleep, head on her lap less than a mile later

He was still out cold as Rayna pulled into their apartment parking lot 45 minutes later

"We're home, babe!" she ran her fingers through his thick hair as he slept on her lap

"Deacon…wake up, we're home." She tried again, but he didn't move

"Come on, Deacon! Lets go inside and get you to bed." She gently shook him, still nothing

"Deacon! You're scaring me. Wake up, babe, please!" she shook him harder, still nothing

"DEACON! DEACON!" she really shook him, and lightly slapped his face, nothing

She bent to check his breathing. He was breathing, but barely.

"DEACON! COME ON, WAKE UP, PLEASE?" she shook him as hard as she could. A pill bottle fell from his shirt pocket to the truck floor

"No, Deacon…what did you take?" she asked shaking him again

She slipped out from under him, running inside to call 911

"Vince, Deacon took this! I don't know what it is, but he won't wake up!" she handed Vince the bottle as she dialed 911

"Help me, PLEASE! My boyfriend took some pills and he won't wake up. Yes, he's breathing, but barely! Please hurry…" she was in tears as she explained what was happening to the dispatcher

"The ambulance is coming!" she told Vince who'd went to the truck to check on Deacon

"Come on, Deke! Wake up, buddy!" Vince tried shaking Deacon, but still nothing as the ambulance arrived

"Alright, get back folks! We'll take care of him." 4 EMT's pulled Deacon onto a stretcher as Rayna cried in Vince's arms

"I'm going with him!" Rayna climbed into the back of the ambulance as they loaded Deacon after several attempts to get a response failed

"I'll follow you in the truck." Vince said as the ambulance doors closed

"What's taking so long? It's been almost 2 hours!" Rayna was pacing the emergency room hallway

"I dunno. How many of those pills did he take?" Vince asked

"I didn't see him take any. They fell out of his pocket when I tried to wake him up."

"I told him he shouldn't take the damn things!" Vince sighed

"Wait…you knew he was taking something?" Rayna asked

"He takes em to help him sleep sometimes. It's not a big deal!"

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN, IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL? WE'RE IN THE EMERGENCY ROOM, VINCE!" Rayna yelled

"Family of Deacon Claybourne?" a young doctor asked

"Yes, we're his roommates. Is he OK?" Rayna asked worried

"He's gonna be fine. We pumped his stomach, and given him charcoal to absorb the remaining drugs. We've got him on an IV drip to help flush his system. He's just gonna need to sleep off the drugs, and he'll probably feel like crap tomorrow. We'll keep him a few more hours to make sure he's OK."

"Can I see him?" Rayna asked

"Yeah, but he's still really groggy, and in a really bad mood! I'll be back later when he's more alert, and more willing to discuss treatment options."

"What do you mean, treatment options?" Rayna asked confused

"Are you a relative?"

"No, I'm his girlfriend."

"Why don't we wait till Mr. Claybourne is ready to talk. I'm not really at liberty to discuss his medical treatment with you. He's in ER 6 if you'd like to see him."

"Deacon! You scared the hell out of me!" Rayna grabbed Deacon for a hug as soon as she saw him. He looked horrible. Pale and sickly, dark circles under his eyes. Monitors and an IV drip attached to him.

"What happened? Where am I?" he asked confused as her hug woke him

"You're in the hospital. You took some pills, and wouldn't wake up. Why did you do this, Deacon?" Rayna asked tearfully

"I don't remember anything. Where am I?"

"I told you at the hospital!"

"I need to go home, and sleep." He groggily replied

"You can sleep here. They need to watch you for a few hours."

"I'm fine!"

"You're lying in a hospital bed! You're NOT fine, Deacon!" Rayna snapped

"Leave me the hell alone!" Deacon snapped, his demeanor turning dark suddenly

"Deacon, I'm here to help you. Please don't be like that."

"I SAID, I'M FINE! JUST LEAVE ME ALONE, ALRIGHT!" He was getting extremely agitated, spiking his heart rate, and blood pressure

"I'm gonna need you folks to leave the room. He's getting upset." A nurse said as she rushed in prompted by the beeping monitor

"I love you, Deacon! I'll be in the waiting room." Rayna's voice cracked as she sadly walked away

"OK, spill it, Vince! What do you know about the pills he's taking?" Rayna accusingly asked after several minutes in the waiting room

"He takes em to help him sleep, alright? I'm not sure what they are, but he's taken them for years. He has nightmares, I guess. I dunno…I don't ask. You know he's an intense guy, Rayna!"

"So he drinks daily and takes prescription pills?" Rayna innocently asked

"They aint prescription, Rayna!" Vince laughed

"This isn't funny, Vince! He was barely breathing!" Rayna snapped

"Look, Rayna….you're 18! You've led a pretty sheltered life. I'm not sure bein with Deke is the best thing for you. You're good for him. He's been happier than I've ever seen him since you guys hooked up, but he has some dark demons. He's always been moody. The guy has a heart of gold, but you aint really seen his temper in full force, and I really hope you don't. He's gonna kill me if I finds out I said any of this to you, but if you need an out, maybe this is it?"

"I don't want out, Vince! I love him! Whatever he's goin through, or needs help with, I'm gonna be there for him."

"Alright, I hope you really do love him. I know he loves you. He's never been like this with anyone else, and I've known him since we were kids. He's been on his best behavior since you moved in."

"He's asleep. I think it would be best if we just leave him alone for a few hours. We'll know more when his tests come back." The nurse that had ushered Vince and Rayna out of Deacon's room said sticking her head into the waiting room

A couple hours passed agonizingly slowly as Rayna listened to Vince snore in a recliner. The large red clock display in the waiting room read 2:46am. The hospital was quiet except for the constant beep and whir of monitors of machines.

Rayna quietly got up to use the rest room and splash some cold water on her face. She walked past Deacon's room to get some vending machine hot chocolate. He was sleeping. She paused by his door on her way back. She glanced toward the nurse's station. No one was around, or watching.

She slowly and as quietly as she could pushed the heavy door open, holding it so it closed lightly. Deacon looked a little better. His color was coming back, and his eyes weren't as dark underneath. She sat watching him in the chair a few feet from his bed.

He felt horrible when he woke to find her sitting next to his bed. She was sound asleep. Several cups littered the floor near her feet. Regret and shame consumed him as he watched the sun slowly creep up, casting light shadows from the blinds across her pretty face. He wanted to take her in his arms and tell her how sorry he was, but at the same time he felt a need to push her away, protect her from a world she wasn't used to.

"Good, you're awake! How are you feeling Mr. Claybourne?" The doctor from the night before, and another doctor had come in

"I feel like shit! When can I get the hell outta here?" Deacon snapped, waking Rayna

"We need to discuss a few things, and go over the findings of your tests. Would you prefer to do this privately?" The unknown doctor asked, referring to Rayna being in the room

"I'm not leaving! We live together. I wanna know what's going on with him." Rayna stood her ground

"She can stay. Let's just get this over with!" Deacon sadly agreed, not completely sure what they were about to divulge

"Alright, Mr. Claybourne. This is Gene Rogers. He's a psychiatrist from our addiction unit. Your toxicology tests found sedatives, amphetamines, and alcohol in your system. You're lucky you had people that cared enough to get you here. You could have easily stopped breathing."

"I'm not so sure that would have been a bad thing." Deacon muttered unable to face Rayna

"Deacon! Don't say that!" Rayna's voice cracked

"We looked over your files and past records. You've been brought in 3 times in less than a year for similar issues. At this point we suggest a short term rehabilitation course of treatment. We're affiliated with several programs, or you can choose an outside clinic. Dr. Rogers can help you make the right choice given your situation."

"I don't need rehab!" Deacon snapped

"Well, I beg to differ Mr. Claybourne. 3 emergency room visits in less than a year, all life threatening, and all substance abuse related is excessive."

"Just bring me my release papers. I'm goin home!"

"Mr. Claybourne, you really need to consider….."

"LOOK, YOU CAN BRING THE GODDAMN RELEASE PAPERWORK, OR NOT, BUT I'M LEAVIN!" Deacon snapped, pulling out his IV, yanking off the monitors, and getting up

"Deacon, please, calm down! Just lay down. Let's talk about all the options." Rayna tried to calm him

"I AINT GOIN TO REHAB! I'M FINE! LET'S JUST GET THE HELL OUTTA HERE!" Deacon was getting really irate

"It's certainly your choice. We can't force you into treatment, but we couldn't release you without explaining the options. If you'll please just have a seat. Calm down. We'll get your release paperwork ready!"

"Fine, great, yesterday would be good!" Deacon snapped sitting on the edge of the bed

Rayna wasn't sure what to say as the doctors left the room. Deacon's back was to her as she sat in the chair confused and unsure of what to do next. She'd had no idea Deacon was taking pills along with daily drinking.

"Guess you're pretty disappointed, huh?" he asked unable to face her

"More like shocked, Deacon!"

"I'm sorry, Ray!" he whispered, as he put his face in his hands

"Why are you taking pills? Where do you even get them?" she stammered still trying to wrap her mind around everything the doctors had said

"They're not that tough to get, Ray! I dunno….I took em last night to sleep. I popped a couple just before my head hit your lap in the truck. I just needed my mind to shut off, my legs to stop twitchin, ya know? I was so tired, but so restless."

"What about the other times the doctors mentioned?"

"The first time I don't remember anything. It was almost a year ago. I passed out in the truck. Somebody thought I was dead down by the riverfront and called 911. The 2nd time was alcohol poison. It was a few months back. Vince hadn't been in town long. We went to some party in East Nashville with some women. They had some homemade moonshine. I had a lot of it. Don't remember much more n that. Woke up in a hospital bed 3 days later."

"3 days?" Rayna asked in disbelief

"…and you don't think you need rehab?"

"Drop it! I aint goin to no rehab!" he snapped anger building again

"Deacon, I really think you nee…."

"DAMMIT RAYNA, I SAID DROP IT! IT AINT HAPPENIN!"

"This isn't over, Deacon! We're going to talk about this later when you calm down."

"THERE AINT NOTHIN TO TALK ABOUT!" he snapped as the nurse came in with release paperwork

"OK, I see you're already unhooked." The nurse quipped sarcastically seeing Deacon had already removed his IV ad monitors

"Sign here, and here's some literature and pamphlets on local rehabilitation centers the doctor wanted you to read. Here's an instruction sheet for the next 24 hours. Take it easy, make sure you drink a lot of water to continue flushing your system. You'll probably feel pretty nauseous. Call us if you have questions or anything seems odd. See the billing desk on your way out for your charges."

"Thank you very much." Rayna said taking the pamphlets and care sheet Deacon didn't reach for

"Is my truck here? Where the hell are my keys?" Deacon asked as they walked down the hall

"Yeah, Vince drove it here. He has your keys in the waiting room." Rayna said as they waited in line at the billing desk

"Claybourne…your total charges are $1164.32. Will that be cash, check, or charge?"

"You're gonna need to bill me, darlin! I don't got that kinda cash!"

"We can do that, but we prefer to get at least 10 percent before you leave the hospital. Can you cover $116 today?"

"So much for last night gig money!" Deacon quipped as he paid with cash from his wallet

"Why don't you let Vince drive, Deacon? You're still kinda shaky." Rayna suggested as Deacon reached for the driver's side door handle

"I'm fine! Will ya please quit bitchin at me?"

"I'm not, I just suggested…."

"YEAH, YA DONE ENOUGH SUGGESTIN TODAY!" Deacon snapped as he threw Vince his keys back and went around to the passenger side

"Just leave him alone! Let him deal with it. He'll be fine, OK?" Vince rubbed Rayna's back as he held open the driver's side door for her and helped her slide into the middle

"Anybody want breakfast?" Vince asked pulling into a McDonalds

"I JUST WANNA GO TO BED! IS THAT TOO DAMN MUCH TO ASK FOR?" Deacon snapped as Vince ignored him and got out

"Maybe you should try to eat something, Deacon? Might make you feel a little better?" Rayna quietly suggested

"FINE! GET ME WHATEVER YA WANT! I'M NOT MOVIN!" Deacon snapped throwing his wallet at Rayna as he laid his head against the back of the truck seat and slipped his dark sunglasses on

"You are just gonna be a joy today, aren't you?" Rayna sarcastically quipped purposely slamming the door as he grabbed his aching head

"I just got you a plain egg mcmuffin. Maybe it'll settle your stomach a little."

"Thanks, baby!" Deacon said a little calmer as he took the bag from Rayna

No one spoke as Vince drove the rest of the way home. Deacon was looking green again as they pulled into the parking lot. He quickly bolted from the truck and ran inside.

"Are you OK, babe?" Rayna asked as she knelt next to Deacon on the bathroom floor

"NO, RAYNA! I FEEL LIKE SHIT. JUST GO TO SCHOOL. ISN'T IT ABOUT THAT TIME?"

"I'm not leaving you, Deacon."

"RAYNA, GO….I don't need you to babysit my ass! Take the damn truck and go."

"FINE, DEACON! I HOPE TO HELL YOU'RE IN A BETTER MOOD LATER!" she snapped, tired of his attitude and snippiness

Deacon held his pounding head as she slammed the bathroom and apartment doors as she left

"What the hell did you do to Rayna?" Vince asked as Deacon emerged from the bathroom 45 minutes later

"Nothin, I'm goin to bed. I don't even give a fuck if the place is on fire. Leave me the hell alone!"

Deacon fell onto the bed, his clothes and boots still on. Several hours passed. He hadn't moved when Rayna came in to check on him around 4pm.

"Deacon, why didn't put something more comfortable on? You're soaked in sweat. Sit up."

"huh…wha…." He sleepily sat on the edge of the bed as Rayna removed his boots, jacket, and clothes, replacing them with boxers and a t shirt

"Is that better?" she asked as he flopped back against the pillows

"What time is it?" he groggily asked

"Almost 4. Do you feel like you could eat something?" she asked

"No, just leave me alone. Wake me up at 6:30. I gotta work at 8." He sleepily said, closing his eyes again

Several more hours passed. He hadn't moved. He woke noticing it seems awfully dark. He jumped from his slumber as the bedside clock changed to 9:03pm.

"Why the hell didn't you wake me up? I said 6:30!" He bellowed coming from the bedroom

Vince and Rayan were watching a movie, and Rayna was doing homework

"I called you in sick! You need to rest Deacon." Rayna told him as he reached for the phone to call the Bluebird

"I NEVER ASKED YOU TO DO THAT! I AINT MISSED A SHIFT IN 5 YEARS! I TOLD YA TO WAKE ME UP, RAYNA!" he snapped

"YA KNOW DEACON, I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR CRAP TODAY! I'VE DONE NOTHING, BUT TRY TO HELP YOU! I DON'T CARE IF YOU FEEL BAD! YOU DID THIS TO YOURSELF! I'M LEAVING!" Rayna yelled as she grabbed Deacon's truck keys and stormed out the door

"Wow, you finally pissed her off!" Vince laughed

"Shut the hell up, Vince!" Deacon quipped as he ran out to the balcony

"RAYNA…HEY…." He yelled down to the parking lot, but she didn't bother answer as she climbed into the truck and left

"You think she's comin back?" Vince asked as Deacon flopped in the chair holding his still aching head


	18. Chapter 18

May 28th, 1990

Dear Diary,

I'm still feeling so conflicted. Blake just took Deacon's truck back, and went to get my prom dress. I hope Deacon and Vince don't give him any problems.

I have a place to stay, no questions asked, with my sister if I decide to leave Deacon. It hurts to even write that "Leave Deacon"

I can feel myself softening towards him already, and dammit I really wanted to stay angry, keep him at a distance. I know if I allow him to creep into my thoughts, I'm going to cave and go right back to him.

Seeing him is going to kill me if I decide it's over. I won't be able to look into his sad eyes. Hurting him is the last thing I want to do, but I'm not sure I can live with the drinking and drugs.

His temper following the drinking and drugs is even more of a concern. I'm not sure what Vince meant by "I haven't seen the worst of it." How much worse could it be? He's already been a yelling, unreasonable asshole!

My biggest worry is his unwillingness to get help. If he really needs rehab, but refuses, what can I do?

I do love him. We do have this THING! I've never felt so connected to anyone, and fear I never will have this with anyone again. This pull towards him is unlike anything I can describe. We just mesh together as if we're one both onstage and off.

If I let him go, will I ever get over it? Will he just let me go without a fight? I know if he puts up any resistance I won't be able to fight him.

Tonight I just want to forget and have fun with friends. It's not the romantic vision I had of being on the dance floor in Deacon's arms, but it is what it is. Dateless, but panning to have a great night.

Senior prom…here I come!

Vince and Deacon at the apartment earlier in the day…

"You been up all night?" Vince asked as he lumbered out to the living room around noon

"Yeah, I slept all damn day yesterday." Deacon snapped

"uh huh…that aint why! She still not back?" Vince asked

"No!"

"What are you gonna do?"

"What the hell can I do? She took my truck. Can't go look for her."

"Did you try callin her friends, family, places she might be?"

"No!"

"How you planning to get to work in a few hours?"

"I aint. I called Sarah, told her what happened, the hospital and all. She told me take the weekend off. I been workin too many hours. I got nowhere to be till Monay at 4."

"Soooo you just gonna sit around here and mope about Rayna all weekend?"

"Maybe! Got a problem with that?" Deacon snapped

"Whatever man. I'm gonna get dressed and walk to the gas station up the street. It's gonna be a long weekend, and we're almost outta beer. You want anything?" Vince asked

"No!"

Downtown at Tandy's 8th floor condo…

"Are you gonna tell me what happened?" Tandy asked as Rayna shuffled out of the guest room

"I really don't wanna talk about it!"

"Rayna! You disappear for 3 weeks. Your family doesn't hear a word from you. Now you show up outta the blue and won't talk about it?"

"I didn't disappear, Tandy! Daddy kicked me out! He knew I was with Deacon!" Rayna snapped

"What did you expect, Rayna? He gave you some slack. Instead of honoring his rules for just a few weeks until school got out, you skip 2 days of school and run off with Deacon!"

"That is not what happened! I knew you'd side with Daddy. That's why I moved in with Deacon instead of coming here!"

"…and how's THAT working out, Rayna? Obviously not well if after only 3 weeks you're on my doorstep at midnight on a Friday!"

"We had a fight. All couples fight, Tandy! I'm sure things will be fine. I just needed some time away." Rayna quipped, not really wanting to get into the details about Deacon's overdose. The last thing she wanted was to admit Lamar had been right about Deacon.

"A fight about what?"

"I don't wanna talk about it!"

"Let me guess, Deacon's drinking?"

"You know what, comin here was a mistake! I'm just gonna go to Megan's. Sorry I bothered you!" Rayna grabbed her purse and Deacon's keys

"You know, Rayna, It's OK to admit you made a mistake. You thought you knew him. It's obviously not working. You can stay here. I'll send someone to Deacon's to get your things. I won't tell daddy you're here if that helps."

"I'll think about it, Thanks." Rayna tearfully hugged Tandy feeling a little better

"No strings. You don't have to tell me anything. I'd rather know you're safe here."

"OK, I might take you up on that, but right now I'm gonna run to Megan's. It's prom night. I'm gonna help her get ready, and do her hair."

"You're not going to your senior prom?" Tandy asked

"My dress is at Deacon's and I hadn't really planned to go anyway." Rayna sadly answered

"OK, I won't ask. Have fun with Megan."

"Why don't you just come with us? It'll be fun. We'll just make a group thing out of it. Kelsie doesn't have a date either." Megan said as she and Rayna tried a few different hair styles in Megan's bathroom

"I dunno, Meg. My dress is at Deacon's. I really don't wanna see him until I decide what I'm gonna do."

"You're seriously thinking about breaking up with Mr. Wonderful?"

"I don't know. I love him, but everyone seems to think he's not right for me. Watty worries about his drinking and temper. Daddy and Tandy both think he's a drunk after that stupid background check. Hell even Deacon's best friend Vince told me he thinks I'm too innocent to be with someone like Deacon!"

"…and what do YOU think?" Megan pointedly asked

"After his overdose, I'm thinking maybe they're all right? Maybe I jumped into this? Maybe moving in together after only a couple months was a mistake, and I really don't know him at all? He has a really bad temper, and according to Vince I haven't seen the worst." Rayna teared up thinking about Deacon

"…but what about the good parts? The reason you're so crazy about him?" Megan asked trying to cheer her up

"That's what makes this so hard. Even with all of Deacon's faults, he's the most caring, loving guy I've ever met. He loves me unconditionally, and I dunno how to describe it, but we just have this THING, this connection that I feel like I'll never have with anyone else ever. Onstage he takes away all the fear, all the anxiety. I just feel like onstage we can do anything together."

"You've only lived together a few weeks. They say the first year living with someone is the hardest…"

"I know, but then there's the overdose and his drinking, and finding out he takes pills regularly, he's been in the ER THREE times in less than a year for overdoses! How do I deal with that part of him?"

"Have you asked him to stop drinking, stop the pills?"

"I'm not sure he can without help."

"It's a lot to consider, but I know you're crazy about him, and it sounds like he's crazy about you. Take all the time you need to make the right choice for you, not what everyone else thinks about Deacon."

"You're right, and that's why I'm stayin away from him. I know as soon as I look into his eyes, he'll be sorry, and I'll just cave and let him make it all up to me. I need to clear my mind and make a choice away from him."

"…and that's why you should go to prom with us as a group! Come on! It'll be fun! I'll have Blake go get your dress. He'll do it."

"Alright, you talked me into it. Do you think Blake would take Deacon's truck to him? I feel kinda bad. I just took it last night. He has to work at 4."

"Shower did wonders! Feelin much better!" Deacon said as he emerged from a steamy bathroom in fresh clothes

"There's a couple cases of beer in the fridge. Wanna order a pizza?" Vince asked

"uuhhh…nah…my stomach's still pretty tender from the hospital pumpin it and that charcoal crap they forced down me. I'll just stick with ginger ale and soup."

"YOU aren't drinkin or eatin pizza? Even if I buy?" Vince offered

"Thanks, but no, not tonight." Deacon answered as he went to get some ginger ale and see what kind of soups Rayna had in the cabinet

"OK, more for me! We don't ever agree on toppings anyway!" Vince quipped grabbing the phone for his pizza order

"Hey, was Ray here?" Deacon asked noticing his truck keys on the countertop

"Oh, no! Some guy named Blake brought the truck back and asked for Rayna's prom dress."

"WHAT?" Deacon asked getting angry

"I dunno, Deke. He was at the door when I got back from the gas station. Handed me the truck keys and asked for Rayna's dress."

"…and you gave it to him?" Deacon snapped

"What the hell are you gonna do man? Hold her underwear for ransom if she doesn't wanna come back?" Vince laughed

"Was she with him?" Deacon asked, jealousy consuming him

"Didn't see her. I don't think so."

"WHO THE FUCK IS BLAKE?"

"Hey, relax Deke! I'm pretty sure Megan said her boyfriend's name is Blake. I bet that's who came here, alright?"

"Damn well better be Megan's boyfriend! I find out Rayna has a date tonight and…." He trailed off swallowing a lump in his throat thinking about Rayna with someone else

"…and what? If she doesn't wanna come back, you need to just let her go. You knew from day one the odds were stacked against you two workin out."

"Things were goin pretty good till I fucked it up with those damn pills! I need to talk to her." He grabbed his keys and was out the door before Vince could stop him


	19. Chapter 19

May 29th, 1990

Dear Diary,

It's nearly 4am. I should be sound asleep after a relaxing hot tub soak, hours of love making, making up with Deacon, followed by another soak.

He's snoring next to me in Watty's guest room. He's so peaceful. I know I'll never love anyone as much as this gorgeous man next to me.

I don't know how he does it, but he takes me from ready to end it all, to feeling so in love with him, it physically hurts.

I never asked him to prom. I figured he wouldn't go. He's almost 22. Somehow he managed to show up tonight, in a tux, looking amazing to surprise me. I got my perfect first dance with the man I love.

Somehow, someway, Deacon always seems to know exactly what I need.

I'm still worried about him, and a little angry about parts of his life he's kept from me. I have doubts about his drinking and drug use. I'm not sure he can stop on his own, but he asked me have faith in him, and give him the chance to try.

So, for now I'll keep my doubts to myself and try to be the support system he needs. I just hope and pray he's strong enough to do this, for me, for us.

Earlier in the evening….

Deacon parked down the street from the high school. His old truck stood out like a sore thumb amongst the BMW's, Mercedes, and limos lining the parking lot at Rayna's private high school. He'd never gone to prom back in Natchez, but he assumed it wasn't anything quite this formal.

People from his high school in Mississippi didn't have this kind of money. His family certainly didn't have much. His mom worked long, hard hours as a waitress just to feed and clothe Deacon and his older sister Beverly. His dad rarely kept a job long, and drank away any money he made.

He waked closer for a better view hoping to catch a glimpse of Rayna, but had no idea what kind of car to look for. All he knew was she'd be in that beautiful shimmery navy blue dress, and if he hadn't been such as ass, she'd be on his arm tonight.

He felt like a creep hiding behind trees, but he had to see her. Trying to stay in the shadows, away from the street lights, he waited. Finally after 10 to 15 minutes had passed she stepped from a limo with a group of friends. He watched closely as Megan hooked arms with her date. Jennifer and her boyfriend shared a kiss. A chubby guy he'd never seen seemed to be alone and chatting with the two guys who had dates. Kelsie and Rayna were chatting and lingering behind the group.

"She's alone! …and absolutely gorgeous in that dress!" he thought smiling, feeling relieved. Seeing her with a date would have killed him

He started to walk towards the group, but suddenly stopped, looking down at his faded old jeans and most comfortable, but well-worn denim shirt.

"I can't walk in there like this!" he sadly thought, suddenly remembering Watty lived nearby

He quickly walked the block back to his hidden truck and headed for Watty's house.

"Hey Wat, I'm glad you're home. Sorry to show up like this unannounced. I need a favor?" he asked standing on Watty's front steps

"Is everything alright, Deke? Rayna's OK, right?" Watty asked worried. Deacon had never come to his house this way

"Yeah, yeah, Ray's fine. Ahhh..it's prom night. We had a little argument, and I'd like to make it all up to her, show up and be the date she needs me to be, but I aint good at these formal shindigs. I need a tux or suit." He told the older man

"Well…you're about my build and height, little taller. I keep one around for all those boring formal black tie things I get invited to. Let's see if it'll work."

"Little short in the arms and legs, but not too noticeable. I think it'll work, kid! What size shoe are you, Deke?" Watty asked digging around in his closet

"uuhhh 9"

"Perfect, me too! Here's some black socks and dress boots. Boots will cover up the pants bein a little short. Nobody'll notice with the boots on."

"Thanks, Watty! I really appreciate it." Deacon said as he bent to slip on the socks and boots

"Sure, kid…you're like a son to me, and Rayna's like a daughter. I expect a prom picture." He smiled as they walked towards the door

"That means a lot Wat. You're more like a father to me than my daddy ever was."

"You know I have plans tonight, and probably won't be back till tomorrow. There's a nice hot tub out back, and the guest room is comfortable. Why don't you bring Ray here after the dance. There's a nice selection of wine and beer in the fridge. All I ask is if you drink, stay here all night. Don't drive."

"I'm not sure what to say. Thanks Watty. You're the best." Deacon hugged him

"No problem. I'd rather know you're here and safe. These kids nowadays get crazy on prom night. I told Ginny I'd always look out for her girls."

"One more detail…" Watty said as they walked out to the driveway

"You don't gotta do anything else, Wat. I just didn't wanna look like a bum. The tux woulda been plenty."

"It's not a limo, but take my caddy!" Watty handed Deacon the keys to his brand new Cadillac

"No, Watty, I couldn't…."

"Take it kid! Gimme your truck keys. We'll switch for the night."

"You don't wanna drive that old rust bucket."

"It's fine, Deke. Got a date with a country girl. Maybe we'll cruise the back roads later." Watty laughed as he took Deacon's truck keys

"Thanks, Dad!" Deacon hugged Watty again before leaving in the shiny black Cadillac

The dance was well underway by the time Deacon arrived. He searched the dance floor. Rayna was nowhere to be seen. He finally spotted her off to the side, near the punch bowl with Kelsie. She seemed a little sad as she watched the other happy couples on the dance floor. The music wasn't country. It was mostly rock as he contemplated how he wanted to approach her. These kids didn't seem the country type as he thought about his DJ request for a first dance with Rayna.

After some careful thought, he finally made his request, and as the instrumental intro began, he approached Rayna.

"This one goes out to Rayna from Deacon." The DJ announced

Rayna looked up shocked as she heard her name. Deacon was more handsome than she'd ever seen him as he walked across the dance floor towards her in a tux.

"I know I don't deserve it, but can I please have this dance?" he whispered in her ear

"Deacon…I…." her eyes got a little misty as she let him lead her to the dance floor

"Shhhh…don't say anything, Ray. Just give me this dance. We'll talk after, OK?" he smiled and pulled her tight against him as they slow danced

 **"Never Say Goodbye" Bon Jovi**

As I sit in this smokey room  
The night about to end  
I pass my time with strangers  
But this bottle's my only friend

Remember when we used to park  
On Butler Street out in the dark  
Remember when we lost the keys  
And you lost more than that in my backseat baby

Remember how we used to talk  
About busting out - we'd break their hearts  
Together - forever

Never say goodbye, never say goodbye  
You and me and my old friends  
Hoping it would never end  
Say goodbye, never say goodbye  
Holdin' on - we got to try  
Holdin' on to never say goodbye

Remember days of skipping school  
Racing cars and being cool  
With a six pack and the radio  
We didn't need no place to go

Remember at the prom that night  
You and me we had a fight  
But the band they played our favorite song  
And I held you in my arms so strong

We danced so close  
We danced so slow  
And I swore I'd never let you go  
Together - forever

Never say goodbye, never say goodbye  
You and me and my old friends  
Hoping it would never end  
Say goodbye, never say goodbye  
Holdin' on - we got to try  
Holdin' on to never say goodbye

I guess you'd say we used to talk  
About busting out  
We'd break their hearts  
Together - forever

Never say goodbye, never say goodbye  
You and me and my old friends  
Hoping it would never end  
Say goodbye, never say goodbye  
Holdin' on - we got to try  
Holdin' on to never say goodbye  
yeah yeah

By the end of the song she was holding him just as tightly. Neither wanted to let go.

"I'm sooo sorry, Ray! C'mon…We need to talk." He gently led her to a bench in front of the school, away from the crowd

"You're so goddamn beautiful in that dress, Ray!"

"You're awfully handsome in that tux, Deacon! …but it doesn't change what happened." She looked away sadly, trying to retain her resolve, when all she really wanted to do was fall into his arms, and let him make it all up to her, one sweet kiss at a time.

"I know that, baby! I haven't touched any pills or alcohol since the hospital, and I'm gonna try not to."

"I'm not sure you can do it alone, Deacon!"

"Let me try? Please? For you, I think I can. If I fail, I promise I'll agree to rehab, OK?"

"I don't know, Deacon. You scared the hell out of me! I'm not sure I can go through that again, and then after, you were so angry and …." She was crying, trying to stay angry with him, not let him back in, but he was trying so hard. He was adorable in his tux. He'd requested the perfect song. He'd given her the vision she'd had in his arms on the dance floor. All without her asking, or even really knowing. He just knew her that well.

"Please, baby? Give me another chance? Come home? I miss you. I need you. I can't do this alone." He was pleading with tears in his eyes, as her resolve crumbled and she ended up crying in his arms

"I love you soo much, Deacon! Don't you ever scare me like that again! When you wouldn't wake up I….." she completely broke down in his arms thinking about what could have happened

"I'm sorry! I'm soo sorry, Ray! I didn't mean to scare you." He pulled back to brush the red locks from her face

"I'm still mad at you!" she half way smiled, still trying to fight his charm

"Oh yeah? What do I need to do to fix that?" he smiled and leaned in for a kiss

"How's that?" he whispered against her bare neck and shoulders planting sweet kisses

"…or that?" he nibbled her neck just below her right ear, his scruff tickling all the right spots

"I'm a little less mad." She smiled and pulled him to her by his tux lapels for a deep kiss

"You let me know when you're not mad anymore." He whispered against the nape of her neck

"I'm not sure we can achieve that here." She smirked, all resolve gone. He had her back, even if she wasn't ready to admit it yet

"That sounds like a challenge, and I happen to have a hot tub with your name on it nearby." He smirked

"A hot tub, huh?" she smiled wickedly

"mmmm….hhhmmmmm…..why don't you let your friends know you'll be leaving the party a little early?" he laughed as he continued the sweet suckling all around her neck

"Does that mean you accept the challenge?" she laughed giving him a few more quick pecks on the lips as she pulled him up

"Baby, if it means I get you back, I'll accept any challenge you wanna throw at me, OK?" he agreed as they went back into the dance hand in hand

"OK, I told Megan we're gonna sneak out early."

"There is one more thing we need to do before we go." He pulled her to the photo area and into a tight embrace for their first professional portrait together

"I didn't know you were so sentimental, Deacon."

"We'll need about half a dozen copies when those come in. I promised one to someone special that helped me out quite a bit tonight, and you probably won't get me in a tux again till our weddin day, or your first CMA." He just laughed as he opened the passenger side Cadillac door for her

"Watty?" she asked as Deacon climbed into the driver's seat

"Yeah, he helped me out tonight with the tux, car, and said we can have his house for the night. He's out with a date." Deacon smiled as he started the Cadillac

"You don't wanna go home?" Rayna asked

"We can if you want, baby. There's Vince in his underwear, watchin pornos back at our place, or we can have Watty's big ole house all to ourselves with a hot tub out back." He laughed

"I'll take anywhere you are, Deacon!" she pulled him close for a quick kiss

"I'd kinda like to have you all to myself in that hot tub tonight, Ray. I'm soo sorry about the damn pills, and makin you sit at the hospital all night, bein a damn jackass after all of it."

"That's not really the part that I'm worried about, Deacon. The doctors think you need help, and after everything I've seen, I do too." She cautiously approached the subject of rehab

Deacon was quiet as he drove the few miles to Watty's. Rayna couldn't really read his expression. She hoped she hadn't pissed him off again.

"Deacon, I didn't mean to upset you. I don't wanna fight anymore. I'm worried about you." She tried again as he opened the door for her in Watty's driveway

He took a deep breath and blew it back out, still not saying anything as he unlocked the front door.

"What are you afraid of, Deacon?" she asked

"Nothin." His tone was flat. She knew he was getting mad.

"Will you at least consider…."

"No!" he cut her off before she could finish

"…but you just said a little while ago if you couldn't do it alone, you'd agree to rehab! Has that changed already?" she asked

"If it has, you'll be out that door in a second, won't ya?" he asked sadly

"Yeah." She whispered barely audible

He slumped onto the couch, his face in his hands as he contemplated his next words carefully. Losing Rayna was the last thing he wanted.

"I've been to rehab once, Ray!"

"What? When?" she asked

"I was 19. Got my second DUI. The judge decided to go easy on me. Forced me into court ordered rehab instead of jail time."

"How did you end up dinking again?"

"Hell, I only went cause it was court ordered! Kept my ass outta jail. I did what they asked for a 21 day program. Hated every second of talkin about my past, why I think I drink or take pills, or smoke pot. Blame my parents and rotten childhood for everything. Buncha crap, right?"

"So, you didn't take it seriously?"

"I was 19! I didn't take anything seriously then. What I do remember was bein forced to talk about my childhood. It's a time period I just wanna forget. I don't wanna rehash painful memories, or blame my dad and mama for everything I've ever fucked up! I don't wanna go through that again, Rayna!"

"Deacon! You need help!" Rayna tried to reason with him

"I've never had a reason to stop drinkin…until you! I can do this, Ray! Just let me try without doctors and therapists that wanna analyze me back to birth. I can't sit through all that crap again. Please, Ray? Just have a little faith in me?" he begged hoping his rehab refusal wouldn't send her running for the door.

"OK, I do have faith in you. I'm here to support you. Talk to me, if you need to about anything, babe. I love you."

"So we're good? You'll come home?" he asked hopeful

"Yeah, but first I want you in that hot tub!" Rayna smirked and pulled him to her by his tux lapels for a kiss

"I hope Watty really is out for the night!" Deacon laughed as they left a trail of tux pieces, Rayna's dress, and shoes from the living room to the hot tub out back


	20. Chapter 20

July 27th, 1990

Dear Dairy,

It's been a very rough couple months with Deacon, but I think we're finally on the right track to helping him get and stay sober.

His temper and moodiness has tested my patience more than I care to admit over the past couple months as he's struggled to stay sober when I know all he wanted was a drink, but he's trying for me, and I'm so proud of him for that.

I'm angry about the past few days. He slipped and got drunk two nights in a row, but I know he's not perfect and he's going to make mistakes. He brought up rehab all on his own today. I figured I'd have to and it would be a huge fight, but he seems to be OK with the possibility of going in the near future.

I'm not sure how exactly that's going to play out with this Vince Gill tour, but I'm hoping it will all work out. Deacon's health is more important, but hopefully Watty can find a workable solution with an outpatient program until after this short tour.

This big break is all I've ever wanted, and Deacon is so much a part of everything now. He's become my family, my life, my greatest love.

I feel absolutely horrible about Deacon's foot. I was angry when I found him hungover in the truck after a night of drinking. I slammed the door and left the broken bottles on the ground. Now he has 14 stitches in his left foot and his favorite boots are ruined.

He's peacefully sleeping next to me. As mad as I've been, it hasn't erased the love and attraction I feel for him. He's the love of my life, and accepting him flaws and all is a challenge I'm willing to take on. He's worth fighting for, and as crazy as he makes me I can't imagine ever letting him go.

For now all I want to do is snuggle in close and keep him all to myself for tonight. I've missed him so much the past couple of nights. I pushed him away out of anger, but it hurts me so much to push him away. Maybe punishing him by withholding affection isn't the answer.

New approach and challenge for tomorrow…love him more, even when he's not so loveable. That seems to be when he needs me most, even if he can't say it.

A couple days earlier…

"C'mon, Deke! Rayna won't be home for hours. Let's just go out for a while?" Vince begged after a couple months of dinners in, movies at home, and no alcohol or drugs allowed in the apartment as Deacon tried to keep his promise to Rayna.

"I can't man. I promised her I'd do this. Plus, we gotta leave tomorrow for Indiana. Watty got us a spot openin for Vince Gill at the state fair. Rayna will kill me if I'm not good to go for it. It was a freak chance. I guess his usual openin act had a family emergency."

"She'll never know! It's barely 9. You don't gotta pick her up till 2am. A pizza and a couple drinks. No harm in that!" Vince tried to reason

"We got frozen pizza here!" Deacon snapped, getting irritated. He was struggling to stay sober. His nightmares were becoming worse without sleeping pills. He was irritable, and argumentative as he struggled with sobriety.

"We don't got beer!" Vince sniped back

"I know damn well you got beer hidden in your room! Go get it! I'll put a damn pizza in the oven!" Deacon snapped as he went to the freezer

"What's wrong?" Vince asked as he came back to the kitchen with a cooler he'd kept hidden in his closet

Deacon was cussing as he fumbled with the oven knobs

"I dunno, goddamn thing isn't heatin up!" he snapped, throwing the pizza and pan against the back of the oven with a clatter of metal on metal

"You really need a beer, Deke! You've been an asshole tryin to stay sober!" Vince said handing him a cold bottle from the cooler

"NOT A DAMN WORD TO RAYNA BOUT THIS!" Deacon snapped as he downed the first bottle and reached for a second

"Soooo…I'm still hungry, and the oven's not workin! How about that pizza out now?" Vince asked after Deacon's 3rd beer

"Fine, get in the fuckin truck. We'll get a goddamn pizza if it'll shut you the hell up about it."

Deacon lost track of time as the live band played at their favorite pizza and beer joint. He'd lost track of the number of beers he'd downed hours earlier.

"Last call!" the bartender shouted as the band played their final number

"Oh fuck! I was supposed to pick up Ray at 2. It's damn near 4am! C'mon, we gotta go!" Deacon stammered, slurring his words

"I think your ass in in trouble already. We might as well stay out longer." Vince quipped surrounded by women

"You're either comin now, or findin your own way home!" Deacon stammered as he tried to stand and walk straight

"I think one of these ladies can probably bring me home later!" Vince smiled at his newfound friends

"Suit yourself!" Deacon replied stepping outside into the sweltering late July evening, immediately feeling sick in the heat

He puked next to this truck, and had to stop several times on his way home. He puked again in the apartment parking lot. He emptied the contents of the glove compartment looking for the gum he kept in there, cussing when he didn't find it.

The lights were on in the apartment as he climbed the stairs to their second floor unit at nearly 5am. Rayna was home, and up. He took a deep breath as he entered bracing for the inevitable fight.

"Glad you could bother to come home. You sure as hell didn't bother to make sure I got home tonight!" Rayna snapped before he'd even closed the front door

"I'm sorry, Ray. I lost track of time." He slurred his words

"YOU'RE DRUNK?" she snapped accusingly as the apartment filled with the stench of stale beer and puke, which was all over his shirt

"No point lyin. Yeah, I been drinkin." He sadly admitted seeing the disappointment in her eyes

"I'm not gonna argue with you when you're drunk, Deacon! Take a shower. You stink! …and sleep on the couch." She slammed the bedroom door, leaving him alone in the living room

He passed out face down on the couch without showering. He woke a couple hours later with a pounding head as bright sunlight streamed into the apartment. Rayna was standing over him angry and disappointed as ever.

"Get up, Deacon!" she snapped hitting his shoulder

"Leave me the hell alone, Ray. I feel like shit. You can bitch at me later!" he snapped and rolled over shielding his eyes from the sunlight

"DAMMIT DEACON! GET UP! TAKE A SHOWER! GET DRESSED! PACK! WE'RE LEAVING IN 30 MINUTES FOR INDIANA!" she yelled as he held his aching head

"Oh Hell! I forgot all about that." He slowly sat up, still holding his head

Rayna was more pissed off than he'd ever seen her as she cleaned the pizza from the oven where he'd thrown it the night before. The frozen pie had thawed leaving a mess of dripping sauce and cheese all over the bottom.

He slowly made his way to the shower, trying not to puke again.

"Guess you're pretty pissed, huh?" he asked 4 hours later as Rayna drove, and he sleepily awoke from his hungover slumber in the passenger seat

"I got you a sandwich, water, and Tylenol last time I stopped for gas." She said not even looking at him

"Thanks, baby! You know you're way too good to me?" he smiled as he took the Tylenol and water off the dashboard

"So, we gonna talk about it?" he asked almost an hour later after he'd eaten. Rayna hadn't said a word to him

"I don't wanna talk to you, Deacon! I just wanna get through this show." She said voice cracking

"Ray…I'm sorry…I slipped….and…" he tried to reach for her

"DON'T TOUCH ME! JUST STOP! LEAVE ME ALONE!" she cried as she drove the rest of the way to the Indiana state fairgrounds

The show went OK. Deacon and Rayna had both become professionals in their short careers as blossoming country artists, able to push aside everything for the sake of the show.

Deacon leaned in for his signature kiss at the end of No One Will Ever Love You. The crowd went wild watching the lovebirds onstage. Edgehill had advertised them as just that, and that's what the public got, even when it wasn't the case behind closed doors.

"I'm soo sorry, baby." He whispered as she pulled away from him

Rayna didn't speak to Deacon as they drove to the hotel a few miles away. She grabbed her suitcase and handed him a separate key to his own room.

"What? You're not even gonna stay in a room with me?" he asked hurt and confused

"No!" was all she said as she closed her room door, leaving him standing alone in the hallway

"Rayna! I slipped, alright?" he said as he pounded on her room door

"GODDAMMIT, RAYNA! WILL YOU PLEASE JUST OPEN THE DOOR? WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT THIS!" he yelled, getting mad

"I SAID I'M SORRY! WHAT THE HELL ELSE DO YA WANT FROM ME?" he continued to yell and pound on her room door

"FINE! I DON'T NEED THIS SHIT!" he finally went to his own room after 10 minutes of being ignored outside her hotel room door

He slammed the door, dropped his guitar and bag, flopping on the bed pissed off. He sulked, staring at the ceiling for 15 minutes before calling Rayna's room.

"I'm sorry, OK? Will you please just talk to me?" he pleaded when she answered

"It's been a long day, Deacon! Just go to bed!" she begged, not ready to discuss his fall from the wagon after nearly 2 months of sobriety. She'd been so proud of how well he was doing. The disappointment was killing her.

"Ray…C'mon….just…." he pleaded, but she hung up on him

"DAMMITT!" he cursed, slamming the phone down

He stared at the ceiling for over an hour. He flipped through the TV channels several times, finding nothing to interest him. He tried a cold shower to take his mind off Rayna and the drink he so desperately wanted. He took a few deep breaths, slowly losing the inner battle with himself.

Rayna had the truck keys in her purse. What she didn't know was Deacon kept a spare set taped to the lid inside his guitar case.

Deacon was spiraling out of control. He'd been sober for nearly 2 months, until last night. He'd been miserable. Daily arguments with Vince and Rayna had become the norm as he struggled with sobriety. The nightmares kept him awake more often than not. He felt edgy, irritated, and argumentative all the time. The only time he felt better was during sex with Rayna. It gave him an outlet, and it had been the one part of their relationship that seemed to benefit from his sobriety.

He needed her now, but she wouldn't even spend the night in the same room with him. The cold shower had done little to appease him, as he ripped the spare truck keys from his guitar case.

Twenty minutes later he was on a bar stool in the first dive joint he came to while aimlessly driving around a town he wasn't familiar with.

The next morning…

"Good morning! How's my little song bird?" Watty cheerfully asked when Rayna picked up the hotel room phone around 9am

"I've had better nights. What's up Watty?" Rayna asked curious as to why he'd be calling her now

"Well, I have some great news. Vince loved you and Deacon last night. His other opener is gonna be out for a while. His wife had a premature baby last week and there are complications. He'd like you to stay on and open the next 5 shows for him. Edgehill is elated, and I think they may go ahead and sign you now."

"Oh my gosh! Really? I don't know what to say. Thank you sooo much for everything, Watty! I can't believe this is all happening so fast, I….."

"Calm down! Calm down! The next show is in Phoenix a week from today. I need you two back in Nashville ASAP! We have a meeting with Edgehill tomorrow. We really need to find you a manager." Watty explained

"Wait…I just thought you'd…"

"I'm not really a manager, kid. I was just kinda playin the part to help you and Deke out, get you started. You need a real professional now. I have a few guys in mind. We'll start interviews tomorrow too. Is Deacon still asleep?" Watty asked

"uuhhhmmm…I'm not sure. We had separate rooms." Rayna admitted

"Is everything OK between you two?" Watty asked concerned

"Not really. I mean, we do alright onstage, but his drinking is just…." Her voice cracked

"I was afraid of that. I'll sit him down for a heart to heart when you get back here. We need him in the game. Edgehill has you two billed as a duo. Don't worry, sweetie. He's a professional. He'll be OK." Watty tried to reassure Rayna, not really convinced himself.

"I dunno, Watty. He'd been doing so well since prom. I'm not sure what happened, but he got really drunk a couple nights ago. I haven't spoken much to him since. He promised to stop drinking on his own, and if he couldn't he'd go to rehab."

"OK, well, we need to keep this quiet for now. A long rehab stay isn't possible right now. I'll check into outpatient programs until after this short tour with Vince. You two just get back here to Nashville for now, and let me deal with the rest, OK?"

"Thanks, Watty. You're the best. Love you!"

"Love you too, kid! See ya soon."

Rayna felt a little better after talking to Watty. She knew Deacon looked up to the older man, and hoped that Watty could knock some sense into him.

She took a deep breath and dialed Deacon's room. It rang several times, but he didn't answer. She tried again thinking maybe he was asleep and didn't hear it. Still, no answer.

"Maybe he's in the shower?" she thought as she hung up and headed to the bathroom for her own shower

Thirty minutes later, fresh from the shower, sitting on the bed in a bathrobe, she tried his room again. Still, no answer. She was getting worried as she quickly towel dried her hair, threw on clothes and grabbed the spare key to his room, she'd kept.

"Deacon?" she asked as she lightly knocked

Nothing but silence came from inside his room

"Deacon…are you….?" Fear gripped her as she surveyed the empty room. The bed was made and hadn't been slept in. His bag and guitar were on the floor near the door where he'd dropped them unopened.

"Where the hell could he be?" she thought as she ran towards the parking lot. The truck wasn't where she'd parked it the night before.

She looked around. It was nowhere in sight. She began to panic as she ran around the side of the building. Finally she spotted the truck parked in the back lot.

"DEACON! WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU DONE?" she yelled as she opened the driver's side door.

Deacon was passed out on the bench seat. Several beer bottles rolled out and broke in the parking lot. The glass shattering woke a very groggy and hungover Deacon.

"Wh….Where the hell am I?" he asked in a raspy voice, shielding his eyes from the morning sun

"I can't believe you went out and got drunk, AGAIN! What is wrong with you? This is exactly what we were fighting about, why I refused to stay in the same room with you last night. Why?" she asked as the tears started to fall

"Ray…Rayna…I…" a bottle of pills fell from his pocket as he sat up

"PILLS TOO? DAMMIT, DEACON!" she slammed the truck door and quickly walked back towards her room sobbing

"Rayna….don't….wait…." he quickly jumped from the truck, right onto a jagged edge of one of the broken bottles

"SON OF A BITCH! GODDAMMITT!" he cursed, slammed the truck door, and ran after her. He wasn't sure what hurt more, his throbbing head or his foot as he hobbled after Rayna

"Rayna, open the door please?" he pleaded outside her room

"Just go to your room and take a shower, Deacon. We need to get back to Nashville." She said through tears from the other side of the door

"Ray, I need your help. I stepped on one of the broken bottles by the truck. I'm bleeding pretty bad. Please, open the door." He begged as he looked down at his blood soaked boot

"Oh my god, DEACON! Can you take off your boot? We'll see how bad it is." She asked helping him to the bed

"I don't think that's such a good idea. Just get the truck. I'm pretty sure I need stitches." He sighed

Thirty minutes later Rayna pulled up to the emergency room doors at St Vincent hospital in Indianapolis. An orderly rushed out with a wheelchair for Deacon. His boot was completely soaked through with blood. His foot was throbbing as they rushed him to an ER.

"OK, this is gonna hurt." A doctor said as he slowly removed Deacon's boot and sock. His boot was full of blood

"Alright, this is just some antiseptic to keep infection away. It's gonna sting." The young doctor said as he poured antiseptic over Deacon's bare foot cleaning it up before he could stitch it

Rayna winced in the corner of the room as Deacon bit his lip. She hated the site of blood.

"Alright, Mr. Claybourne, you've got a pretty deep gash on the meaty part of your instep. Probably take 15 stitches. I'm gonna numb the area with a local anesthetic. The needles gonna hurt for a second." Deacon winced as the doctor plunged a deep needle into the meaty part of his left foot.

Rayna had to look away.

"OK, all done! Looks good. 14 Stitches total. Those are gonna need to come out in about 2 weeks. You can see your regular doctor for that. Stay completely off the foot for 3 days and then only gentle pressure. Careful not to split it open again. Try not to get it wet for a few days and no soaking until the stitches come out. We'll get you some crutches and a clean sock. The nurse has some daily cleaning instructions for you." The doctor said as he stood and removed his rubber gloves

Rayna hadn't said much since the hospital. She was focused on the road as she drove back to Nashville a few hours later. Deacon had been quiet too. He knew she was pissed, and wasn't sure what he could possibly say to make things better.

"Are you hungry? You should probably have some lunch before you take your pain pills." She said as she pulled off the highway into a truck stop somewhere in southern Indiana near the Kentucky border

"Yeah, a little." He tried to smile. His head was pounding and his foot was throbbing, but he was happy Rayna had finally spoken to him

"So, Watty called this morning. Vince Gill wants us to stay on as his openers for the next 5 shows." Rayna told Deacon after they'd placed their lunch order

"That's great, baby. I'm so damn proud of you!" he smiled across the table and reached for her hand

To his surprise she didn't pull away. He gently squeezed her hand as he looked into her pretty blue eyes.

"I'm soo damn sorry, Ray! I can't seem to get anything right lately and…" he looked away swallowing a lump in his throat. He knew he'd done nothing but disappoint her lately

"Are you in any pain?" Rayna asked concerned

"Yeah, not sure if my head or foot hurts worse." He laughed

"Take this. You really need to stop drinking so much, Deacon. Why can't you just stop with a couple beers? Would that be so hard? Why do you have to get so drunk you pass out and don't remember anything?" she asked not completely understanding what being an alcoholic meant. At 18 she'd never experienced alcoholism until Deacon. It was all new and confusing.

"I dunno, Ray. It just goes down so easy, ya know? Before I know it it's 4am and I'm in a jail cell or emergency room, or in a bar fight that I don't even know how the hell it got started…." He trailed off looking away

"You can't keep doing this Deacon!"

"I know, baby. I'll get back on track. I made it two months without a drop. I can do it again, Ray. I just…need you to help me. Don't push me away when I slip, please, baby? I just needed you so damn bad last night and you wouldn't even talk to me…." His eyes misted over

"So, it's my fault, you got drunk?" Rayna asked getting mad, pulling her hand away from him

"No, no…that's not what I meant. I just…if I'd had you, and a distraction I wouldn't have…." He realized this wasn't going in a good direction

"I can't be there to babysit you all the time, Deacon! I can't be the reason you stay sober. You need to do it for yourself."

"That's not what I meant! …or…hell I don't know what I meant! I can't seem to do a goddamn thing right lately. I'm sorry I'm such a damn burden. I don't know why the hell ya even want me around! I'm sorry you feel like you gotta babysit my drunk ass!" he was mad as he stood up fumbling with his crutches and hobbled out to the truck to be alone

"Deacon, the foods not even here yet! You need to eat!" she called after him, but he didn't stop

"Eat your lunch." She handed him a to go box as she climbed into the passenger seat half an hour later

"I'm not hungry!" he sulked as he stared off into the distance, gripping the steering wheel

"Fine, then slide over here. You're not driving after a night of drinking, pills and now pain killers on an empty stomach."

"I'm FINE, Rayna. I need to do somethin to keep my mind occupied." He sniped as he started the truck

"Dammit, Deacon! You are not gonna kill both of us if you pass out behind the wheel. Eat your lunch, or slide over to the passenger seat and let me drive!" she firmly replied shoving the to go box back towards him

"FINE!" he grudgingly took the box and scarfed down his sandwich before shifting the truck into reverse

Deacon felt bad as they neared Nashville. He was angry at himself for drinking and felt like hell which only made his foul mood that much worse. He really hadn't meant to take out all of his frustrations on Rayna, but it seemed since he'd started this sobriety thing she'd had to take the brunt of his foul moods and temper.

He'd been putting off stopping for gas. It killed his throbbing foot to climb in and out of the old truck. Rayna had been sound asleep for a while. The truck was running on fumes as he pulled into a gas station. The last thing he needed was to run out of gas. He quietly grabbed is crutches and lightly closed the door, careful not to wake her.

He'd succeeded in not waking her as he climbed back in with a stuffed bear he'd found in the gas station. He placed it on the set next to her, and started the truck for the last 30 miles back into Nashville.

She woke a few minutes later as traffic increased nearing downtown Nashville. It was rush hour and crazy drivers were testing Deacon's already thinning patience as he maneuvered through heavy afternoon traffic cussing under his breath.

"mmmmmm…How long have I been out?" she asked sleepily, stretching in the passenger seat

"Damn near 3 hours." He smiled hoping she was lightening up towards him

"What's this?" she asked holding up the bear

"Found him at a gas station. Thought he kinda looked like me in his little denim shirt and boots. Thought maybe you could hold him when you're mad at me. …or when I'm gone to rehab, which I'm sure that talk is comin, huh?" he asked sadly knowing he'd already agreed if he slipped and drank

"Yeah, but right now I'd rather hold you." She slid across the vinyl seat and wrapped her arms around his waist snuggling close against him. She felt horrible about is foot. She'd left the broken bottles on the ground. She was proud of him for bringing up rehab. She didn't have to now.

"How's your foot?" she asked

"Hurts like hell, but the headaches gone. Holding you sure helps, baby. I've missed you the past couple nights. I'm soo sorry, Ray." He pulled her tight against him, happy she didn't seem to be mad at him anymore

"I've missed you too, Deacon. I love you. We're gonna get through this. I hate fighting with you."

"Me too, Ray. The makin up's pretty nice though, huh?" he laughed and snuck a quick kiss as he drove


	21. Chapter 21

July 28th, 1990

Dear Diary,

Second only to meeting Deacon, today has been the best day of my life.

Deacon and I signed on as a duo with Edgehill. We have a 3 year contract, and 2 albums in the works. We're touring with Vince Gill. We even get our very own luxury tour bus for the next 4 weeks with Vince.

Watty is working the final details with Bucky Dawes as our new manager. We met him today. I instantly liked him, and to my surprise so did Deacon.

I still can't believe this is all happening.

This morning…

"Good morning! How's your foot feeling?" Rayna asked waking up in Deacon's arms

"Not too bad, but waking up with you is soo much better than wakin up alone with a hangover." Deacon smiled pulling her close for a kiss

"We should probably get up. Watty has a lot for us to do today. You need help in the shower?"

"Yeah, I probably do. Not sure how I'm supposed to stand on one foot and try to keep the other dry. Wanna be my sexy, naked crutch?" Deacon laughed and planted a few more neck kisses

"Well, since you said sexy…" she laughed and helped him up on his good foot

"Ohhh…wow, that is tender today!" Deacon winced as he put a little pressure on his bad foot

"Here, let me get your crutches. The doctor said no weight on it for a few days. You need to be careful, Deacon."

"I know, baby. It's just a little tough to stand on one foot first thing in the mornin. I'll get this down."

The shower was a little harder than planned as Rayna struggled to hold Deacon up and keep his bad foot hanging out over the tub, and dry.

"OK, that wasn't so bad, huh?" she asked leading him to the bed to sit down

"You're a great little nurse. Wanna check my vitals?" he smirked pulling her down on top of him both still naked

"I'd love to, babe, but everything's gonna take a little longer with you crippled. We really need to get ready to meet Watty at Edgehill."

"Mmmmmm….one more kiss….I lied, a few more…." He continued to nibble on her neck and bare chest as she squirmed from his grasp

"I'm gonna be the mean nurse and bandage your foot. Lay back, foot off the edge so I can clean the stiches with this antiseptic. It doesn't look too bad today." She carefully cleaned, dried, and re bandaged his foot.

"Will you be my naughty nurse later?" he laughed

"If you behave yourself today…I might…" she smirked and put a clean sock over his bandages

"Thanks, baby. You're takin such good care of me. I love you."

"I love you too. I'm sorry I pushed you away the past few days. I know staying sober is hard on you, and I'm proud of you for making it as long as you did. I'm sorry about your foot. I should have cleaned up that glass."

"It's alright. Shouldn't of had the damn glass bottles in the truck in the first place. I don't think I can get a boot on my bad foot today." Deacon frowned as he tried to pull his black dress boots on, wincing in pain as he pulled it on the bad foot

"I'll get you a pill. Why don't you just wear one boot today. You'll be on the crutches anyway." Rayna came back from the bathroom with a pain pill and glass of water

Living in a 2nd floor apartment on crutches with a tender foot was proving to be a challenge for Deacon as he maneuvered going down the stairs to the truck.

"Goin downstairs is a little tougher than goin up!" he quipped as he made the bottom step after several minutes

"Do you want me to drive?" Rayna asked

"No, I got one good foot. I did it OK yesterday. Just seems a little more tender today, that's all."

"The anesthesia helped yesterday. It's all worn off now. Are you sure you're OK to drive?"

"I'm fine, Ray. It's just a few stitches, baby." He snapped as he fought with the temperamental trucks first morning start, finally getting it going on the 3rd try

"What the hell happened to you?" Watty asked as Deacon hobbled into Edgehill's lobby area

"Had a fight with an angry beer bottle. He won!" Deacon quipped

"Are you gonna be OK to perform?" Watty asked worried

"Yeah, yeah, Wat…just have a stool onstage for me for a couple weeks. I'll be fine."

"This is Marshall Evans. He's Edgehill's label head." Watty introduced everyone as they entered a conference room

"Well, let's get right to business. Vince's people loved your opening act. As you know we've been watching you for a while here at Edgehill. We'd like to make things official and sign you before you go back out with Vince. Once you wrap up the next 5 shows with him, we'd like to get started on your first album to release by fall, and maybe a Christmas album. Here's the contract." Marshall slid a thick packet towards Deacon and Rayna

Both were surprised by the number of zeros after the initial payment amount, with more royalties to come as things progressed, but Deacon as always was a bit argumentative.

"Alright, hold on a damn minute! Yeah, Edgehill has kinda been courtin us along with these small gigs for months, but you didn't set up the Vince Gill gig, correct?" Deacon asked

"That's correct. Watty was solo on that one." Marshall agreed

"So, now that Vince's people have taken an interest suddenly you wanna sign us BEFORE we go back out with Vince?" Deacon asked

"Look, Edgehill has known for a while we wanted you. You were just so new to the music scene as a duo we wanted to gauge interest a bit, see what our target audience was. Yes, you're right we'd like to sign you before you make another big appearance. We don't wanna lose you, but you're certainly entitled to shop other labels, other deals."

"I just find it a little odd you waited till now to make an offer, that's all." Deacon quipped

"I'll tell you what…I'll give you some privacy to talk. We don't need an answer today if you'd like to think about it a little, but let me add $10,000 more each for a signed contract by 5pm." With that Marshall left them alone to discuss things

Rayna was in a bit of a haze and shocked as Marshal left the room.

"Well, what do you think, baby?" Deacon asked as they thumbed through the contract

"I…I…dunno…I just didn't expect this all so soon…" she stammered

"You've made it, baby! This is the big time!" Deacon leaned in for a kiss

"What do you think, Watty? As far as contracts go…Is this a good deal, or can we do better?" Deacon asked

"It's not bad. I think you could do a little better, but you could also do worse. It's on the higher end of offers. With the extra $10,000 each it's comparative with the big guys. They obviously really want you to sign since he threw in the extra cash, which tells me there's some wiggle room. Look it over carefully, if there's anything you don't care for we can ask to change the terms a bit, maybe a little more money."

"Ray…you're not sayin much, baby? What do you think?" Deacon asked

"5 years is an awful long time to be locked into a contract. Can we change that?" she asked thumbing through the pages

"Yeah, sure we can ask for maybe 3? Once you get out there and start tourin times gonna fly by." Watty suggested

"…and what about final creative say so?"

"I'm not sure there. Labels are a little picky about that. You do get some say, but they usually reserve final decisions."

"Well, baby…you wanna go out for lunch, think about this a little and come back?" Deacon asked rubbing Rayna's back in support

"I'm not sure…should we make them wait?"

"He said 5 if we want the extra 10 grand each, but we don't gotta decide today, Ray. Maybe we should talk to some other labels?"

"I dunno, Watty? Would you take this deal if you were in our shoes?" Rayna asked looking to him for the answer

"I can't tell you what to do here, kid. It's a good deal. They're not trying to screw you, but it's your choice."

"C'mon, Ray. Let me take you out for a nice lunch to celebrate. I know you want this, but at the same time I think we need to make them wait a little for our answer, OK? Wanna join us Wat? On me today." Deacon smiled as Rayna helped him up onto his crutches

"Sure, that sounds good. We can talk about some of the managers I'd like you to meet over lunch." Watty accepted Deacon's invite

The trio decided on a nearby pub for lunch. Out of habit Deacon almost ordered a beer, but caught himself. They chatted and decided to accept Edgehill's offer with a few contingencies and changes. Watty talked them into meeting Bucky Dawes as a prospective manager, and set up a meeting for later.

"We're really doing this?" Rayna smiled as she helped Deacon back into the driver's seat for the ride back to Edgehill

"It's just the beginning, baby! I promise…I'm gonna be here to help make all your dreams come true, OK?" He pulled her to him in the driver's seat for a quick make out session before heading back to Edgehill

"Is this all really OK with you, Deacon?" she asked concerned knowing the fame part of this business wasn't really Deacon's thing

"If I get to see you smile like this everyday, baby, it's all fine with me. I'm just happy you want me to be a part of it."

"Without Deacon Claybourne, there'd be no Rayna Jaymes. I need you so much, babe. I can't imagine doing all this with anyone else."

"Alright then, Let's go sign a contract and get ourselves a manager."


	22. Chapter 22

Feb 14th, 1991

Dear Diary,

I just feel lost. Everything has gone to hell with Deacon.

This isn't how I'd pictured our first Valentine's Day together.

He's been in rehab for 2 weeks. I haven't spoken to him since that horrible night. I couldn't even deal with him. I had to have Watty bail him out of jail, and force him into a rehab facility.

I can't read his letters, or cards. I know he's sorry. He's always sorry.

A while back Vince told me I hadn't seen the worst of Deacon's temper. I had no idea how much worse he meant until a couple weeks ago.

I still can't believe the same gentle, loving man I fell in love with could turn into the angry, violent man I witnessed that night.

I didn't want to believe he was as bad as everyone tried to tell me he was.

I still love him. I miss him like crazy.

I'm just not sure the man I miss even exists. Maybe everyone has been right all along, and I should stay away from him.

I never thought I'd be scared of him, but his temper terrifies me. I've spent several sleepless nights over the past couple weeks wondering if he'd hurt me. What if the police hadn't shown up when they did? How far would Deacon have gone?

I don't want to believe he's as bad as everyone says. I want to believe he's worth fighting for, worth loving, and once he's better he'll make things right, and be the man I know he is.

Earlier in the day…

"You gonna get that?" Vince asked as the phone rang for the 7th or 8th time that morning

"Nope." Rayna replied sadly

"You can't ignore him forever."

"I can for the next 2 weeks." She snapped and slammed the bedroom door as she left Vince alone in the living room. She was still upset with him too over the chain of events leading to all of this.

"Oh for Christ Sake! This is fuckin stupid!" Vince snapped as the phone rang again

"Hello."

"Hey man, How are things at home?" Deacon asked

"ahhhh…good, good…How are you? Doin OK in there?" Vince asked

"Been better, but workin the program, ya know? Finally got phone and visitor privileges today. I was hopin maybe you and Ray might show up, but…" Deacon's voice trailed off sadly

"Yeah, hey…you know what, I'll be there in a little bit buddy." Vince felt a twinge of guilt, after all he was partially to blame for the events leading up to Deacon's rehab admittance 2 weeks earlier

"Is Ray home?" Deacon cautiously asked

"uuhhhh…I think she might have gone to the store or a friends or somethin…" Vince fumbled for a good lie, not wanting to tell Deacon she still didn't want to talk to him

"It's alright, Vince. I can always tell when you're lyin. She doesn't wanna talk to me, does she?" he asked sadly

"No." Vince admitted, no point lying

"Look…uuhmm…you don't gotta come today. I'm suddenly not much feelin like company anyway. Just tell her I called, and I love her." Deacon's voice cracked just before he hung up

Vince felt horrible for Deacon as he hung up. There was a stack of unopened love letters from the past two weeks piled on the countertop. A dozen dead roses, Rayna hadn't even bothered to put in water next to them. A fresh bouquet of red roses that had just arrived for Valentine's Day. Rayna had simply tossed them next to the dead ones from last week.

A couple months earlier…

The tour opening for Vince Gill had turned into a more permanent gig for Deacon and Rayna. They'd been opening for him since August, and finally got a long break for the holidays in late November.

Rayna loved every second of life on the road with Deacon that first time out. They had their own luxury bus and often nights in nice hotels all over the US. They were together constantly, but she still felt like she couldn't get enough of Deacon.

Her dreams were all falling into place. They were so in love most nights they barely made it back to the bus or hotel room. Deacon was attentive and supportive in every way possible. The shows were amazing and their popularity was growing both onstage and off.

For the most part Deacon had kept his promise to remain sober. He only drank a little at after parties and maybe a few beers here and there with meals or while watching a game with the guys from the band.

That all changed while they were home for the holidays, and back in the apartment with Vince. Deacon began drinking heavily every night again. He often slept all day, and woke hungover and in a foul mood, only to repeat the cycle that night.

Rayna had hoped they'd look for a house and new car while they were home and had time. Vince really didn't factor into her plans for a life with Deacon, which caused several fights during the break.

Near the end of the nearly 6 week break Rayan left early one morning to house and car shop alone. Deacon was passed out and refused to get up as usual. She gave up after fighting with him for over an hour to get up.

Her first stop was a BMW dealership. She'd never bought a car alone before. She drove a few shiny new Beemers and finally settled on a black one identical to the red one her father had taken away from her.

Once the paperwork was complete she drove away in her new car, happy with her purchase, but sad that Deacon hadn't helped her like he'd said he would.

She stopped at a small café in East Nashville for lunch, and drove around the quaint neighborhood after looking at houses. She finally spotted a for sale sign in front of a stone house on Boscobel street. She pictured fall nights on the porch swing with Deacon.

Nearing the end of their time home in Nashville she knew they wouldn't have time to buy it and move. She told herself if it was still for sale when she got back in a month she'd call the realtor. Taking one last look around, she grabbed a flyer from the box on the for sale sign.

It was after 3pm by the time she arrived home. Vince and Deacon were already drinking again in front of a football game, both yelling at the TV.

"Where ya been, baby?" Deacon asked giving her a quick peck on the way to the fridge for another beer

"I went out for lunch and bought a car!" she exclaimed

"What? You bought a car? Without me?" Deacon wasn't happy

"Well…ya know we said we were gonna look at cars and houses while we had time on this break…." She stammered unsure of why he was angry

"Yeah, Ray …WE…as in together! You're 18! What the hell did you buy?" he snapped, throwing his beer cap into the sink

"Don't talk to me like I'm a child, Deacon! If you weren't hungover everyday maybe we could've done this together!"

"What the hell did you buy?" he asked again angrier

"A BMW, like the one I had!" she snapped back

"YOU BOUGHT A FUCKIN BMW? WHAT THE HELL FOR, RAYNA?"

"We needed a reliable car, Deacon! Your old truck's on its last leg. It barely starts most mornings." She tried to reason with him

"…and you didn't consider that maybe we need another truck? How the hell are we supposed to get luggage and equipment in a car?" he'd stopped yelling, but clearly wasn't happy

"I don't know. I guess I didn't think about that. I tried to get you up to go with me. We only have a few more days home."

"You're takin it back!"

"NO, I'M NOT, DEACON! I MADE A BIG DOWN PAYMENT WITH MY PART OF THE SIGNING BONUS. IF YOU WANT A TRUCK, GET ONE WITH YOUR MONEY!" she yelled tired of being treated like a child

"WAIT, DID YOU SAY YOU MADE A DOWN PAYMENT? YOU DIDN'T PAY IT OFF? HOW MUCH DID THE DAMN CAR COST?" he yelled

"70 THOUSAND! I GAVE THEM 50 DOWN!"

"YOU SPENT 50 GRAND, AND STILL OWE 20? WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKIN, RAYNA? WE DON'T HAVE YOUR DADDY'S KINDA MONEY! WE JUST GOT OUR FIRST SIGNING BONUS. WE'VE BEEN SO GADDAMN BUSY WITH THE TOUR, WHO KNOWS WHEN WE'LL FINISH AN ALBUM AND HAVE MORE MONEY COMIN IN!"

"FINE, DEACON! I'LL TAKE IT BACK! MAYBE IF YOU WEREN'T DRUNK EVERY NIGHT AND HUNGOVER EVERY DAY WE COULD HAVE WENT CAR SHOPPING TOGETHER!" she ran to the bedroom sobbing, and slammed the door

"You do sound like her dad!" Vince quipped from the couch

"Did I ask for your opinion?" Deacon snapped

"You really gonna make her take it back?" Vince asked

"Shut up, Vince!" Deacon replied grabbing his keys. He knew he needed some cool off time away from the apartment

He drove around for an hour, sat at the park for a while working on some lyrics he'd had on his mind, and finally stopped at Rayna's favorite Chinese restaurant for some take out dinner before heading home.

"Hey, I got your favorite sweet and sour chicken for dinner. You hungry?" he asked cautiously poking his head into the bedroom, feeling a little guilty for yelling at her earlier.

"Not really." Rayna flatly replied barely looking up from her journal

"I'm sorry I got so upset about the car. You're right. I should have got up and went with you today. I haven't drank anymore today. I don't wanna fight about the car or Vince or anything else, OK?" he asked squeezing her hand

"You were right. It was stupid and too much money. I'll take it back tomorrow." She replied sadly

"It's your money, Ray. I aint your daddy. It's your choice, baby." He smiled and leaned in for a kiss

"You're not gonna be mad if I keep it?" she asked perking up a little

"Not if you let me take it for a test ride after dinner." He laughed pulling her into his arms

"OK, hey…there's a house on Boscobel street I want you to see." Rayan smiled pulling the flyer from the stone house from her purse

"Pease tell me you didn't…."

"No, no…of course I didn't buy a house without telling you. Just a BMW." She laughed and let him kiss her again

"Whew….well, looks pretty practical. We'll talk about it, OK?" he smiled and put the flyer on the night stand

A few hours later, after dinner Rayna let Deacon drive the new BMW. She gave him directions to the house she liked.

"Looks empty. We could try out the swing." Rayna coaxed him out of the car in front of the house

"This is nice, baby. I could sit here all night holdin you." He bent to kiss her as they gently swung watching the Nashville sun set

"If it's still available when we get back in a month maybe we can call the realtor?" she asked

"A house is a lot of work, Ray. This one looks like it needs some. Maybe we should look around a little more." He suggested

"I love this one, Deacon!"

"OK, if it's still available in a month…"

"I love you!" she was kissing him before he could finish

"Why don't we continue this at home?" he whispered as he dotted kisses down her chest

"Are you suggesting make up sex?" she playfully pulled him up by the collar of his denim shirt

"Best kind!" he smirked leading her to the car, stealing kisses all the way

"Guess you two made up, huh?" Vince laughed as they continued kissing all the way to the bedroom when they got home

"We'll see you in the mornin! No interruptions tonight, please?" Deacon asked as he closed the bedroom door

"Ray…Ray…the phone…" Deacon gently reached over a snoring Rayna to her nightstand trying to silence a ringing phone

"It's not even 7am. This better be important!" Deacon snapped irritatedly into the phone

"It is. Is Rayna awake?" Bucky their new manager asked

"NO, she's asleep. What is it Buck?" Deacon snapped

"We have a little problem. We lost James your bass player. His wife has some medical issues and he's not gonna be able to go back out on tour." Becky explained

"…and you needed to call NOW?" Deacon was still irritated with the early call

"What's wrong, babe?" Rayna sleepily put her head on Deacon's bare chest

"It's Bucky." Deacon mumbled handing Rayna the phone

"What? He couldn't decide that a month ago? He waited till now to drop this?" Rayna was frantic as Bucky explained

"I know. I know. I guess she's been doing worse this week. James just decided he's not leaving her again." Bucky said as Rayna freaked out

"We leave for Vegas tomorrow morning, Buck! Where are we gonna get a bass payer that quick for a New Year's Eve show."

"I'm looking. I was hoping maybe you might know some people?" Bucky asked

"Not right off the top of my head. Deacon might."

"See what you can do and I'll keep calling around. We'll figure something out." Bucky tried to reassure her

"Deacon might what?" he sleepily mumbled

"Know a bass player we can get for New Year's Eve, maybe longer?"

"We'll talk about it later. I'm tired, Ray. It's a good tired…you kept me up pretty late with all that makin up, but later, baby, OK?" his voice sleepily trailed off

"Alright, yeah I know it's short notice. I just thought you might know someone. Thanks anyway, Watty." Rayna sighed and hung the phone up as Deacon shuffled from the bedroom, wrapping his arms around her at the counter

"No luck findin a bass player, huh?" he asked

"Nope, we should probably start packin, babe. All your laundry is done in that basket by the door."

"You been up a while?"

"Yeah, what are we gonna do without a bass player, Deacon?"

"What about Vince?" Deacon suggested

"NO, absolutely not! There is no way, Deacon!" Rayna protested

"Ray…just think about it! He's heard all our material. He knows our set. It's not like he's got anything better to do."

"He's got nothing better to do because he loses every damn job he gets, Deacon! He's not reliable. What makes you think he'd be any better working for us?"

"I'll watch him, Ray. I'll make sure he shows up for every rehearsal and performance."

"…and who's gonna watch YOU, Deacon?"

"That was kinda a low blow! I'm tryin to help here, Ray! We're outta options."

"I dunno, Deacon. You two together is never a good combination especially on tour, the drinking, the after parties, the women…"

"Oh come on, Ray! You know you're the only woman I've looked at in damn near a year!"

"I meant Vince and women. You and the drinking with Vince around will be the problem."

"Jesus Rayna, didn't I stop drinkin yesterday afternoon cause you were upset about it? I went damn near 4 fuckin months on tour with barely a drop cause you asked me to stop. Do you have any faith in me at all?" Deacon asked hurt as he grabbed the basket of clean laundry, slammed the bedroom door and started packing

"Deacon, I'm sorry. I have faith in you. I love you. You're right. Vince would be great." Rayna apologized 20 minutes later as Deacon irritatedly packed, throwing items in his bag

"You sure about that? Just seems like no matter how well I do you're just waitin for me to fuck up!"

"I'm sorry. I worry, OK. You were gonna go to rehab and it hasn't been possible with the tour and all. You just…get off track easily and Vince seems to just encourage the drinking and drugs."

"It aint got a damn thing to do with Vince, Ray! You never believe in ME! I got a few errands to run before we leave tomorrow. I'll be back later!" he snapped, grabbing his keys from the nightstand

"Deacon…" he was gone before she could stop him

As she feared the next month on a tour bus with Deacon and Vince was pure hell. Deacon was mad and holding a grudge after their chat about Rayna having no faith in him. The way he saw it, it didn't really matter what he did, or how hard he tried. He'd never be good enough. She'd always be waiting for his next screw up.

Most days she had to drag both of them to rehearsals hungover after fighting to get them up, showered and dressed in time. After shows there was usually a fight about going back to the bus or hotel. She longed for the first leg of the tour when Deacon couldn't wait to get back to the bus or hotel with her. Now he couldn't wait to get to a bar or after party quick enough.

She sat up worrying for hours when they disappeared in a strange cities, wondering if they were drunk or dead. Surprisingly, they managed to make it through the final month of the tour with no hospital or jail visits. The first week home in Nashville was worse than being on tour with two drunks.

She'd been lying awake watching as the clock ticked through the hours…2:26am…3:04am…3:47am…4:14am. She finally managed to drift off to sleep only to wake to a ringing phone at 4:58am.

"Hello." She answered flatly knowing it was bad

'Hey….." Deacon's raspy voice came through the line

"Which is it this time? Jail? ER?" she asked accusingly before he could say anymore

"Jail….Ray, I'm sorry! It wasn't my fault. I swear it…."

"I don't care, Deacon! I can't keep doing this with you." Her voice cracked as she hung up on him

The phone rang again a few minutes later

"Pease don't hang up. It's my only call. Deke already used his. Are you gonna bail us out?" Vince asked

"No!" was all she said before hanging up on him too

Both were held for just over 24 hours until after an initial judge hearing. Both were released with notices to appear and not leave the county. Deacon was mad as hell when they arrived back at the apartment the next morning.

The first thing he did was grab a bottle of Jack Daniels from the fridge.

"Deacon, honestly, it's 10am!" Rayna bitched, grabbing the bottle from him, putting it away again

"Why the fuck didn't you bail us out?" he snapped

"I'm tired of bailing you out. Maybe you'll learn to behave yourself if you have to sit in a jail cell from now on." She snapped back

"I tried to tell you it wasn't my fault. Maybe if you'd a listened…"

"OH FOR CHRIST SAKE, DEACON! I'M DONE LISTENING! IT'S NEVER YOUR FAULT! THERE'S ALWAYS AN EXCUSE WHY YOU DIDN'T DO IT!"

"FINE! I DON'T NEED THIS SHIT! I'M OUTTA HERE!" he yelled, grabbing his keys and storming out

It was nearly 8pm before he came back, really drunk. He could barely stand as he grabbed the Jack Daniels bottle from the fridge and flopped on the couch. Usually when he was drunk Rayna knew better than to provoke him, but she'd had enough after a month of hell touring with two drunks, and a week home of even worse drunk escapades from them.

"I think Vince needs to move out, and you need to go to rehab!" Rayna said sitting in the chair across from him

"I aint goin to rehab!" he snapped

"Deacon, we talked about this! You said if you couldn't stop on your own, you'd go."

"WHAT THE HELL DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE, RAYNA? HUH? DOESN'T MATTER WHAT I DO. IT AINT EVER GOOD ENOUGH!"

"Deacon, please…you need help! You're barely making rehearsals and performances. You wouldn't if I didn't drag you outta bed and make you go."

"I NEVER ASKED FOR ALL THIS FAME AND THIS BIG TOUR. IT'S YOUR DREAM, RAYNA! I DID IT FOR YOU, AND SEEMS LIKE YOU DON'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT! YOU WANT VINCE OUT? WHAT THE HELL'S HE EVER DONE TO YOU? HUH?"

"Deacon, calm down! Maybe this isn't the time to discuss all of this. You're drunk and mad."

"I'M FINE, RAYNA! YOU WANNA ARGUE? LET'S HAVE THIS OUT RIGHT NOW! I'VE DONE EVERYTHING EDGEHILL ASKED, EVEN WHEN I DIDN'T AGREE. FOR YOU! VINCE HELPED US OUT WHEN WE NEEDED A BASS PLAYER. HE DIDN'T ARGUE WHEN I BROUGHT YOU HERE AFTER YOUR DADDY KICKED YOU OUT! WHERE THE HELL WOULD YOU HAVE BEEN IF WE HADN'T TAKEN YOU IN, HUH? NOW YOU WANNA THROW HIM OUT?" Deacon was madder than Rayna had ever seen him. His face was bright red. He finished the last of the Jack and shattered the bottle against the wall

Vince had woken from all the yelling and glass breaking

"Deke…man you really need to calm down!" Vince tried to reason with him, but Deacon was in a blind rage

He shattered the dishes on the countertop as he pushed them all to the floor. He dented the refrigerator door when he couldn't find his other bottle of Jack.

"I think maybe you should get out of here, Rayna." Vince warned as Deacon punched a hole in the kitchen wall

She grabbed a set of keys from the countertop and ran down the stairs to her car. Deacon wasn't far behind her. She fumbled trying to get them in the ignition and realized she'd grabbed Deacon's truck keys instead of her own.

"GOIN SOMEHWERE, HUH? WHAT YOU WANNA START A GODDAMN FIGHT AND THEN RUN AWAY?" he yelled as she locked the doors

"Deacon, please…just go back inside. You're scaring me…please?" she was crying as he continued to yell

She'd never seen him so out of control with anger. It was like he wasn't even the same person.

"OPEN THE DAMN DOOR, RAY!"

"No, Deacon, Please…stop….stop….." she sobbed as he punched the window shattering glass all over her lap as she bawled in the driver's seat. She quickly slid to the passenger seat trying to get away from him, terrified of what he'd do next.

For the first time in their almost one year relationship she feared he might physically harm her. She'd seen him mad, heard him yell, and occasionally punch something, but this was so much worse. He was in an out of control rage.

"Stop….please just stop this, Deacon." She sobbed covering her face

Someone had called the police. Before she realized what was happening they had Deacon on the ground face first, his hands cuffed behind his back. He continued to yell and cuss, oblivious to the police.

"Are you OK?" an officer asked helping her from the car

"y…y….yes" she managed

"Did he hurt you?" the officer asked

"n..n..no, what's gonna happen to him?" she asked as they loaded Deacon into the back of a police car, still ranting and fighting them

"For now he's going to jail, and since this is the second time in the last 48 hours, I doubt he'll be out for a while." The officer explained

"OK." She felt a little better knowing he wouldn't be drinking anymore

"Are you sure he didn't harm you? Do you wanna press charges? We could probably hold him longer If you do."

"He didn't harm me."

She was still crying a few hours later when Deacon called asking for bail.

"He wants to talk to you." Vince said handing her the phone

She simply hung up the receiver with a word to Deacon, and called Watty.

"Watty, I didn't know who else to call." She sobbed incoherently into the phone

"What's wrong, sweetheart?"

"It's Deacon. He needs help, and I can't do it. I'm not sure I ever want to see him again after tonight."


	23. Chapter 23

Feb 22nd 1991

Dear Dairy,

I moved in with Tandy today. I'm looking for my own place, but wanted to be out of the apartment before Deacon get's out of rehab.

I drove past the stone house on Boscobel street. My heart ached when I saw the SOLD across the for sale sign. Guess, like my relationship with Deacon, it just wasn't meant to be.

He unexpectedly showed up while I was packing today. At first I was scared of him. I'm not sure why. He was more broken and hurt than I'd ever seen him. It was hard seeing him that way. I hope he wasn't in much trouble for sneaking away from rehab.

It took everything I had to take him back to rehab. He asked if we're breaking up. I said "No", but the truth is I'm not sure. Everything feels so final right now.

He was already so upset. I just couldn't hurt him anymore. He needs to focus on getting well.

I can't imagine my life without him, but can't picture a future with him anymore either.

I finally read his letters. I know he's sorry, and feels horrible about everything.

Every letter began with "I'm sorry."

Every letter ended with "I love you."

How many "I'm sorry's" can one relationship withstand?

…and does 3 little words "I love you" fix it all?

I do love Deacon, and part of me always will. I'm just not sure it's enough. I can't live with the drinking, and his temper.

Earlier today…

"Hey Vince, I'm glad you're home. I have the truck all loaded, but I need to take my car to Tandy's too. Can you follow me over in the truck?" Rayna called from the bedroom as she taped up the last box of clothes. She'd heard the front door open and assumed it was Vince.

"Movin out?" Deacon startled her as he stood in their bedroom doorway.

He'd been in rehab for over 3 weeks, and wasn't due to be released until next week. She'd managed to avoid his calls and letters, but now he was blocking the only exit out of the bedroom. He was sober and calm, but an unexplainable fear gripped her.

"Deacon! Why are you here? You're not supposed to be out till next week!" she stammered unsure of what he was doing, or how he'd gotten away from rehab

"You didn't read any of em?" he asked sadly holding the pile of unopened letters from the past 3 weeks she'd left on the countertop

"No…Deacon….I need some time…." She took a step back away from him as he came closer, and dropped the letters on the bed

"Ray, it's been over 3 weeks. Can I at least have a hug?" He reached for her. She tensed, ridged with fear as he pulled her into his arms

"Please, let me go, Deacon!" she asked, pushing him away

"You're afraid of me?" he swallowed hard as the words escaped in a throaty whisper

"A little…yeah….you were so angry and crazy last time I saw you." Her eyes misted over a little as she watched him sink to the edge of the bed

"I'm sooo damn sorry, Rayna! I don't remember much from that night. Vince told me I broke your car window. I'll pay for it, Ray. I didn't mean to scare you. You have to know I'd never hurt you, right?" he asked as his own eyes filled with tears

"I don't know anything anymore, Deacon! I just….need some time…OK? Please, just let me go for a while?"

"I'm sober, Ray. I did what you asked and went to rehab. Don't push me away, baby, please? I need you now more than ever. I can't do this alone. You're my reason for staying sober. You're all I've thought about for the last few weeks. It killed me every time you wouldn't take my calls. Hurts like hell that you never read a single letter. I'm tryin, Ray…for you! Please, don't leave me?" He was crying harder than she'd ever seen him cry as he begged her not to go

"Deacon, please don't put all of that on me. I can't be your reason to stay sober. You need to do it for yourself. You need to get well and stay well for YOU!"

The fear had subsided as she watched the emotional mess of a man he'd become sob incoherently that he was sorry, and needed her. Her heart was breaking for him, but she had to stay strong. She wasn't ready to let him back in.

"You have another week left in rehab. Let me take you back to finish the program?" she offered a hand to help him up

Her heart fluttered as he took her hand. That same old electrical charge was still there. Every time they touched she felt it. He easily let her lead him to the car. He was more broken and vulnerable than she'd ever seen him. Neither spoke as she drove him across town, back to the rehab center.

"We breakin up?" he finally spoke as she pulled up to the doors

"No, just give me some time, OK? …and you take this time to get well. Please?"

"Take as much time as you need, sweetheart. I know what I done, and I don't blame you for wantin to leave me." His voice cracked as he got out

She watched as he walked in, before slowly pulling away. She cried all the way back to the apartment.

She finished packing, adding one last box. It contained all of Deacon's letters, and she grabbed his favorite denim shirt from the back of the closet door. It hadn't been washed. She hugged the shirt, taking in his scent, before placing it in the box with his letters.

After unloading the truck at Tandy's condo, she made her final trip back to the apartment she'd shared with Deacon and Vince for nearly a year.

It was bittersweet as she glanced around one final time. Leaving was harder than she ever imagined it would be, especially after Deacon's surprise visit. The guys had been her family for the past year. They'd taken her in after he father kicked her out.

She recalled the good times, writing, playing, and singing. She'd been happy, really happy here when things were good with Deacon.

She left the apartment key and Deacon's truck keys on the counter and closed the door on a chapter in her life she'd never forget.

Tandy would be home from work by now. She wasn't really in the mood to talk to her sister as she drove back towards the downtown condo. Instead, she took the bridge away from town towards East Nashville.

She found herself in front of the stone house she'd wanted a couple months earlier. It was still empty, but the for sale sign had SOLD across it.

"Oh well, guess it's just another sign it wasn't meant to be." She sighed as she drove away hoping someone would be very happy in her house


	24. Chapter 24

March 4th, 1991

Dear Diary,

I moved in with Tandy a couple weeks ago. I haven't felt like doing much. OK, I haven't felt like doing anything.

She's asked about Deacon and what happened, but I don't really want to tell her he's been in rehab. Part of me still wants to protect him, believe he's worth saving, and try again to make things work, but then I think about that night.

That horrible night 2 months ago. I replay it over and over in my mind.

Edgehill has been patient. They wanted us to start on the album right after the tour, but Deacon's health was more important. He needed to go to rehab. We were honest about the delayed reason, and they have been understanding since he's getting help.

I haven't seen Deacon in a couple weeks, since the day he showed up at the apartment while I was packing.

I'm still so conflicted about our future together, or lack of. I asked Deacon for time, and he's respected that.

Part of me was hoping he'd call, or show up when he got out of rehab. The other part is happy he hasn't.

Tomorrow we start working on the album. I can't avoid him anymore. I just hope he's still sober.

Earlier tonight…

"Are you ever planning to leave this condo?" Tandy asked

"I don't have a choice tomorrow. We start recording on the album. Edgehill is already unhappy with the delays." Rayna sighed as she stared out at the city skyline from Tandy's 8th floor downtown condo.

"Why did you delay? Did you just not want to see Deacon?" Tandy asked

"It's complicated, and he wasn't available." Rayna sighed. She hadn't told her sister Deacon had been in rehab

"OK. I think it'll be good for you to get out. You haven't been out of here in almost 2 weeks. Aren't you sick of these 4 walls?" Tandy asked a little confused by Deacon's unavailability.

"Yes and no. I just haven't felt like facing anyone." Rayna sadly replied

"Anyone…meaning Deacon?" she pressed a little

"I don't wanna talk about him, OK!" Rayna softly replied, near tears at the mere mention of his name

"OK, but it might help to get whatever's bothering you off your chest. You've been hiding out here for almost 2 weeks. You haven't said a word about why you moved out of Deacon's apartment after almost a year…"

"Look, I'm not sure what I'm going to do. If I spill my guts and cry to you about Deacon you'll hate him even more than you already do. I just don't need any lectures about how stupid I am, or why he's so bad for me, alright?" Rayna snapped cutting her off

"So things haven't been all that great this past year, huh?" Tandy pushed

"Let's just say the great parts have been really great, but the rest, not so much! Can we just leave it at that?"

"OK, if that's what you want. I'm here to listen and talk if you need to." Tandy squeezed Rayna's hand supportively

"I think I'll just go to bed early. Tomorrow's gonna be a long day." Rayna quickly got up, not wanting to break down in front of Tandy

"Night! I'm here, even if it's late…." Tandy called after her

Rayna tossed and turned all night. She couldn't get Deacon off her mind. Seeing him for the album recording was going to be hard. He'd respected her wishes for time. He'd been released from rehab almost a week ago. She hadn't heard from him. She'd picked up the phone a dozen times in the past week, but always decided against calling him. She was still so unsure, and didn't want to send mixed messages.

She finally gave up on sleep and spent the morning in a coffee shop near the studio. At 9:45am she wandered across the street and into the studio. The band members already there were surprised to see her early. Rayna was rarely early and usually ran 5 minutes late.

Deacon and Vince hadn't arrived yet. Bucky greeted her and gave her an update on the days plan. The producer they'd agreed on was ready in the booth as soon as everyone was in place.

Deacon and Vince arrived 5 minutes later. Vince was clearly hungover, not surprisingly. She feared Deacon might be too behind his dark sunglasses, but when he removed them his blue eyes were clear and brighter than she'd ever seen them. He was still sober, and gorgeous as ever as he removed his guitar from its case and began tuning it.

Vince was first to break the ice with a hug.

"How you been, Rayna?" he asked pulling her into a bear hug

"I'm good, Vince. You?" she asked squeezing him tight. She'd actually missed him more than she realized.

"Not too bad, but Deke's been pretty mopey. Can you lighten his ass up a little? He really does love you, ya know?" Vince whispered trying to help

"Hey…" Deacon awkwardly said as Vince released Rayna from the bear hug

"Hey…" she responded with a hug that lingered a little too long as Deacon held her tight

"I miss you." He whispered in her ear, taking in her shampoo and perfume scent

"Me too." She was trying not to fall apart. Being in his arms again felt so good. She'd missed his cologne scent, mixed with leather from his guitar strap. No trace of alcohol now.

"OK, let's get everyone in place and get started. The producer and Edgehill are both kinda antsy and wanna move this along as quickly as we can." Bucky said as everyone clamored to their spots

Rayna felt better as the day progressed. Things were awkward with Deacon, but both were professional and keeping their personal issues out of the job. They'd managed to lay down 2 tracks by quitting time. The producer was happy with the day's work and eager to get down 2 or 3 more tracks tomorrow.

"OK, everyone. I think that's it for today. Great job. Everyone sounded amazing. If we can do that everyday, we should be able to knock this thing out by end of next week. Same time tomorrow." The producer said ending the day on a good note

"Uhhhh…Ray…can I have a minute? Please?" Deacon asked just as Rayna tried to escape for the day

"Deacon…we had a good day. Can we just….not make this anymore awkward…" she swallowed a lump as she looked into his sad eyes

"Yeah, OK…nevermind. I'll see ya tomorrow." He turned away looking like a scolded puppy

She felt bad as she drove back to Tandy's, wondering what he was going to say before she crushed his spirit. The sadness on his face had nearly broken her heart, but she just wanted out of there. Seeing him hurt so much. He was doing well and that's all she wanted for him, but she knew if she let him get close he'd have her back in a heartbeat. She needed to stay strong, stay focused on the album.

"So, how did it go?" Tandy asked as soon as she came in

"Better than I thought it would. We laid down 2 tracks and sounded great. Back again tomorrow."

"…and Deacon?" Tandy pried

"He was fine. It was awkward, but ya know…" her voice cracked a little as she answered

"Good. Hopefully you two can just work as friends and everybody will be happy."

"Friends….is that what we are now?" Rayna wondered to herself

"Hey…uuhhm…you can say No, but daddy was asking about your birthday plans for tomorrow? If you're not doing anything he'd like to do dinner at the country club?" Tandy cautiously asked

"He knows I'm here?" Rayna asked irritated

"He worries about you. He asks sometimes. I didn't want to lie to him."

"I dunno, Tandy. I haven't seen him since he kicked me out. Why now?"

"It's daddy…who knows? I'll tell him no if you'd rather not."

"I'd rather not, but I'll think about it, OK?"

She really didn't want to think about tomorrow. Today had been tough, but tomorrow was going to be worse. It was her 19th birthday, and her one year anniversary with Deacon. It was hard to believe it had been a year since that first date.

Deacon and Vince had stopped for dinner at their favorite bar on the way home. It was Deacon's first time in a bar since leaving rehab a week earlier. He wanted a drink as he watched Vince suck down 2 beers before the pizza ever got to the table.

"Did you ask her?"

"No, she didn't seem to wanna talk. I didn't really get a chance." Deacon replied sadly

"Don't let her slip away, man. You want her back. Get her! You know she can't resist your bad boy, brooding charm. Women love that shit." Vince laughed

"It aint that simple this time, Vince. I screwed up. I scared the hell outta her, and maybe she's right to be afraid of me. Hell, I don't even remember that night. I don't know that I wouldn't hurt her."

"You just need to keep your temper a little more under control, that's all. You're not gonna hurt Rayna!"

"Wish I had as much faith in myself. Look, I really need to go to a meetin. Can you get a ride home?" Deacon asked getting up, and throwing money on the table for the pizza

"You're really takin this AA shit serious, aren't you?" Vince asked

"I don't have a chance in hell of gettin her back if I don't."

Deacon was already in the booth when Rayna arrived the next morning. He seemed to be keeping things completely on the professional side today. The morning went fairly quickly. Deacon disappeared during the first break, trying to avoid Rayna as much as possible.

"Alright, do we have everyone back? Let's see if we can get _No One Will Ever Love You_ down before lunch." The producer suggested

Rayna and Deacon were both struggling with this one. The song that started it all back at the Bluebird last year. Their feelings for each other only seemed to make it more intense as they ran through it in the booth, staring deep into each others eyes. Deacon slipped, and out of habit, in the moment, leaned in for his signature kiss at the end. She didn't stop him as he planted a soft lingering kiss on her lips.

"Happy Anniversary, Ray." He whispered as she pulled away

"I can't do this today!" Rayna burst into tears, running from the booth

"ahhhh…I think we need to call it a day. We're done here for today, OK?" Deacon told the producer and Bucky before handing Vince his guitar and running after Rayna

"Rayna stop! Please…talk to me?" he yelled as she reached her car in the parking lot across the street

She ran out so quickly she'd left her keys back in the studio. She was crying softly in the driver's seat, unable to go anywhere, when Deacon got to her.

"I left my keys." She sobbed as he knelt beside her

"I still have the spare. Here…you can go if you want to, but I don't want you to leave, Ray. Unless you take me with you?" he smiled handing her the key from his key ring

"Where do you want me to take you?" she asked softly

"If it means I get even a few minutes alone with you today, I'll go anywhere." He smiled

"OK, you can drive. I'm feeling kinda light headed." she said sliding to the passenger side

"Where are we going?" she asked as he drove across the bridge into East Nashville

"How bout that little café you like? I'm kinda hungry." he asked

"So, been a year today, huh?" he reached for her hand across the table, unable to control his urge to touch her any longer

"Yeah, even with all the bad, it's still been the best year of my life, Deacon." She teared up again looking at him across the table

"Mine too, baby. I think maybe that deserves another year, huh?" he asked cautiously, his blue eyes so clear and hopeful

"I think so. I've missed you, Deacon. I'm sorry I pushed you away yesterday. What did you want to ask me?"

"I just wanted a little part of today, to celebrate your birthday, and a year for us." He smiled as the food arrived

They chatted about the past 8 weeks apart, and the album, all the daily mundane stuff they'd missed with each other the past couple months for over an hour.

Deacon paid the bill. They walked hand in hand to the car. Always the gentleman, he opened her door. She surprised him, pulling him to her for a deep, slow kiss in the passenger seat.

"I think I've missed those kisses more than anything. Hold that thought for just a few minutes, OK?" he quickly ran around to the driver's side, feeling more confident about a surprise he'd been keeping secret

"What are you doin?" she asked as he started the car

"You'll see." He smirked as he drove the 2 blocks to the stone house she loved

"Deacon, what in the world are you doing?" she asked confused as he pulled her from the car, and up the front steps

"Sit down." He pulled her onto the porch swing with him, handing her a box that he'd left on the porch earlier

"Deacon, the sign says sold. We shouldn't be here. What if the new owner comes home?"

"Humor me, OK? Open the box." He smirked as she pulled the paper and ribbon off the box

Inside was a beautifully framed picture of them, smiling at each other. It was the very first time they sang together at the Bluebird. The bottom of the frame was engraved:

 _No One Will Ever Love You…Like I Do_

"The first time we sang together?" she teared up a little

"Yeah, I thought you hated me that night." He laughed

"I thought you hated me too."

"Sarah took that. I think those looks kinda prove otherwise." He gently brushed her red locks away from her face

"Thank you. I love it, Deacon." She hugged him tight, trying not to cry again

"I thought it might look nice on the mantle." He smirked

"What?" she asked confused

"Turn the picture over." He gently turned the pictured over on her lap, revealing a key

"Deacon…you….what…?" she stammered unsure this was really happening

"I meant to tell you I had made an offer on the place a while back, but everything kinda went to hell between us and…" he said as he unlocked the front door

"It's ours, baby!"


	25. Chapter 25

March 6th, 1991

Dear Diary,

Today turned out so much better than I ever imagined.

Deacon completely blew me away with how hard he's trying to stay sober. I wish I'd given him more credit and had more faith in him. He has his demons, but he loves me, and he truly is the most amazing man I've ever known.

I had so many doubts, but he managed to quash them all with his capacity to forgive, and keep such faith in us, even when I didn't.

I can't believe he's peacefully sleeping beside me, in our own house. I know we'll have many happy years to come here.

One down…eternity to go!

(I just hope it's not in hell after our little sexual escapade in a church basement)

I still can't believe we did that, but at the same time it was so exhilaratingly naughty. I'd do it again in a heartbeat.

Deacon makes me feel so carefree, and happy. I know I can do anything with him by my side. I've missed that feeling so much this past couple of months. I'm so happy we're back together and working things out.

As hard as I tried, I could never even fathom a future without Deacon Claybourne.

Earlier in the day…

"Deacon, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. Please talk to me." Rayna pleaded as they drove back to the studio to get his truck

"It's fine, Rayna, alright? You said you needed time. I shouldn't have dropped the house and our anniversary on you. Just forget it." His voice was flat. She could tell he was angry

"You're mad. I can tell."

"I'm not mad." He lied, knowing his anger issues were part of why they weren't completely back together

She felt horrible. The house and the sweet picture of their first night at the Bluebird together meant the world to her, but she still felt uneasy about jumping completely back into living together and going back down the same road so soon after his rehab release. It had only been a couple weeks.

"I didn't mean to mislead you. I do love you, and I do want to work things out, but I just think we need to take it slow."

"Mislead me? Hell, why would havin lunch with me, or pulling me into the damn passenger seat to make out mislead me?" he snapped sarcastically

"You're right." She agreed

"Look, I gotta go. I'll see ya tomorrow in the studio." He quickly got out in the studio parking lot between her car and his truck

"Deacon…" He slammed his truck door, cutting her off

She drove back to Tandy's worried about him. He was upset and she was afraid he might drink. She felt horrible, but also wondered if this was how it would always be? Every fight, every time he doesn't get his way.

"Am I always going to feel like one wrong move, one careless word, a little fight about nothing might send him back to the bottle?" she wondered as she parked her car

"Hey, another good studio day?" Tandy asked as soon as Rayna came in the front door

"uuhhh…not exactly."

"Oh, wanna talk about it?"

"Not really. I just wanna take a long, hot bath and relax." Rayna sighed

"Well, not too long. We're meeting daddy at the country club for your birthday dinner." Tandy reminded her

"Oh, crap! I completely forgot about that."

Across town Deacon slammed the apartment door. Out of habit, he grabbed one of Vince's beer's from the fridge and flopped in the chair across from Vince.

"I'm guessin the big one year anniversary didn't go as planned?" Vince asked

"No!" Deacon snapped, staring at the unopened beer in his hand

"What happened?" Vince cautiously asked

"She aint ready to move back in together." He tightened his grip on the bottle, before shattering it against the wall

"Hey, don't waste my beer just cause you aint drinkn! You've only been out a couple weeks. Maybe she just …"

"Just what? Doesn't have any faith in me? I've done every goddamn thing she asked, Vince! I went to rehab. I left her alone. She kissed me today, and then changed her mind! How the hell should I take that?" he snapped cutting Vince off

"I dunno, man. Did you talk to her about that?"

"What? Tell her I'm pissed? No! Part of why she left was my damn temper! I lose it with her, and she'll really run like hell as far away from me as she can."

"Is that really how you want things? Walkin on egg shells all the time cause she can't handle your temper?" Vince asked

"I want a drink! I need to take the edge off things, ya know?" He stared towards the fridge.

"Then drink. She'll never know."

At the country club dinner was lagging on as Lamar and Tandy discussed boring business details Rayna could care less about.

"uuhhh…ya know it's been a long day. I think I'm just gonna head home." Rayna said getting up

"Sit down! I haven't seen you in almost a year." Lamar commanded in his usual business tone

"Daddy, thanks for dinner. It was nice to see you, but I've got a lot to do tomorrow."

"Rayna, it's barely 6pm! It won't kill you to spend some time with your family. Sit down!"

"Fine, for a little while." She grudgingly sat back down

"So Tandy tells me you're putting out an album?" Lamar quizzed her

"Yeah, should be out by end of summer. We're in the studio now."

"So things are going well for you career wise?"

"Couldn't be better. The tour with Vince Gill was a huge success. Edgehill is happy."

"Good, good…and things with Deacon?" Lamar pushed

"Fine, he's great. Completely onboard and very supportive of my music career."

"I meant as a couple? You've been together a year now, lived together. Should I expect a wedding invitation anytime soon?" Lamar sarcastically quipped

"We haven't ever discussed that, but I suppose it isn't out of the question."

"Really? If things are so great, why are you staying with Tandy?" Lamar's tone irked Rayna

"I won't be much longer. Deacon and I just bought a house!" she sneered knowing that would irk Lamar right back

"What? You never told me that." Tandy quipped

"It was just today. We'd looked at it together a couple months ago. Deacon surprised me with it today."

"So, you're moving back in with him?" Tandy asked

"Yes!" She answered not entirely sure it's what she wanted, but wiping the smug look off Lamar's face was worth it

"I was hoping maybe you'd finally come to your senses, but apparently not?" Lamar snapped

"You know what. This has been fun, but I'm leaving. Thanks for dinner daddy. Maybe I'll see you in another year?" she snapped getting up and storming out before Tandy could stop her. Lamar didn't try this time.

She found herself driving aimlessly. The last thing she wanted to do was go back to Tandy's now that she'd dropped the house bomb. She knew Tandy would have more to say, and nothing good about Deacon. She really hadn't meant to tell them about the house, but she couldn't take another second of Lamar's condescending attitude about Deacon.

Her heart sank when she didn't find Deacon's truck at the house or at the apartment. The lights were on at the apartment. She hoped Vince might know where to find Deacon, and she prayed it wasn't at a bar.

"Rayna, what are you doin here?" Vince was surprised to see her at the door

"Do you know where Deacon is?"

"Probably an AA meeting."

"He's in AA?" she asked confused. She didn't know Deacon was going to meetings.

"Yeah, he goes to a lot of em these days. He's really tryin, ya know?"

"I didn't know about the meetings. Where are they?"

"Basement of the church down the block."

"Thanks." She quickly drove the 2 blocks to the little church

Relief washed over her when she found Deacon's old truck in the church parking lot. She quietly crept inside, unsure of what to expect.

"Would anyone else like to share tonight?" an unfamiliar voice asked as she neared a room with light spilling into the dark hallway

"Yeah, I would." She heard Deacon say. She froze in the hallway unsure of what to do. She sort of felt like she shouldn't be there, but couldn't force her feet to move as Deacon began speaking to the small group of maybe 6 or 8 people

"Names Deacon, and I'm an alcoholic. Been sober 60 days tomorrow. Longest I been dry since probably before I turned 18. I just got out of rehab couple weeks back. It hasn't been easy. I had a bottle in my hand earlier tonight. I wanted to twist that cap off so bad. Drown myself in that liquid escape. I didn't do it." He sighed as the small group clapped for him

"For the first time ever, I have a reason to stay sober. Our one year anniversary is today. She's not ready to let me back into her life completely, but if I slip she may never give me another shot. I hate like hell that I've lost her trust, lost her faith in me, in us. She has every reason to run like hell. I'm damaged goods."

I was angry with her earlier. I thought we were gettin back together. She sent some kinda mixed signals, or hell maybe I just took it wrong. Maybe it was wishful thinkin on my part. I don't really know. What I do know is, I have no right to be angry with her. I did this. I made mistakes and hurt her when I was drinkin. The fact she even still speaks to me is a damn miracle."

"Anyway, I just needed to vent a little. Thanks for listenin." He went back to his seat

Rayna wasn't sure what to think as she stood in the dark hallway. He was really trying, and he deserved her love and support. She felt guilty for pushing him away again.

He'd been so happy to show her the house. His smile had immediately faded when her reaction wasn't the happy one he'd expected.

He'd tried to hide it, but she knew he was angry as he'd driven back to the studio.

"Rayna! What are you doin here?" she'd gotten so lost in her thoughts about the days details, she hadn't noticed Deacon got up to leave the meeting, and was standing in the dark hallway with her now

"I'm sorry. I just…had to see you…make sure you were OK."

"You mean check on me? Make sure I'm not drinkin?" he snapped, the anger returning as he pushed past her heading towards the stairs to leave

"Deacon! No, well…OK, yes…at first, but after hearing what you just said, I'm sorry for doubting you. I'm so proud of you for trying so hard. I love you, babe. I love the house and the picture and all the thought you put into today. Can we try this anniversary celebration again?"

"I just need you to try and have a little faith in me, Rayna! I'm tryin like hell to stay sober. It's day by day. I need you so much, baby. I can't do it alone." His voice was shaky as he finally turned to face her

"I know, and I do have faith in you, Deacon. I'm soo sorry for doubting you earlier. I don't wanna spend another night away from you. Let's go home."

"You mean…the house?" he smiled so wide. His smile and clear twinkling eyes never failed to melt her heart as he lifted her into his arms

"You sure?" he asked after a quick kiss

"I've never been more sure. I've missed you soo much this past couple months." She whispered with an ear nibble

"Me too, Ray. All those nights in rehab, the only thing that got me through was this moment gettin you back in my arms." Before she knew it he had her against the wall in the dark hallway, his hands moving easily under her blouse, his scruff against her cheeks as he kissed her passionately

"I think this might be some kind of sin. We're in a church basement, Deacon." She laughed as he continued the kisses down her chest, unbuttoning her blouse

"I don't give a damn. I've waited 2 months. You're worth eternity in hell, baby." He laughed as he pulled her into a dark Sunday school room, finding the napping mats, as he slowly lowered her to the floor

"Kids nap here, babe…" she breathlessly stammered unable to stop herself

"I'll confess, or say a couple hundred hail mary's, but right now I want you so bad, right here, right now…" he trailed off as he slowly slipped inside her, gentle thrusts as he kept the neck kisses going, his scruff driving her crazy against her neck

"We are sooo going to hell for this!" she laughed, her breath warm against his chest

"Right now I'm in heaven." He rolled to his back breathless and smiling with Rayna hovering over him, still holding him tightly inside her as she took over the gentle thrusts, driving him crazy

"How about a little slower." She whispered, teasing him with slow, gentle thrusts, delaying the finish

"I can't wait anymore, baby." He whispered as the final, sweet release left him breathless, flat on his back against the mat with Rayna against him, head on his shoulder, both struggling to catch their breath

"Let's go home." He whispered after several minutes of recovery time

"Say that again." She smiled as they crept into the dark hallway

"Home? That does have a pretty nice ring to it, huh?" they were giggling like kids as they snuck out to the parking lot, hoping no one would catch them


	26. Chapter 26

March 6, 1992

Dear Diary,

I can't believe it's been a year since we bought the house, two years since our first date.

Deacon's been out of rehab for more than a year. I'm proud of how well he's done. I know he's slipped a few times, those nights out with Vince, or a few too many drinks at an after party, but he's still trying to stay sober and control his drinking. It bothers me that he's quit AA.

I'm completely and totally ecstatic and over the moon about a platinum album and our first headlining tour.

Deacon says he's happy as long as I am, but he just doesn't seem as enthusiastic about everything. I just hope this isn't all too much for him. He prefers his privacy and keeping things a little low key. I don't think low key is going to be possible for a while.

We did manage to have a nice anniversary dinner and long country drive tonight. It was so nice just being alone with Deacon.

I enjoyed my New York Birthday shopping spree with Tandy, but I missed and worried about Deacon all weekend. I was so happy to get home and find him keeping himself occupied with things around the house.

I know I should have more faith in him, but I worry. He's still having nightmares, but never wants to talk about them. I know they're about his childhood just from things he's mumbled in his sleep. My heart breaks for the little boy inside him, and what he must've gone through.

 _Earlier in the evening …_

"Hey, How'd the big birthday shopping spree with your sister go?" Deacon asked, hearing the front door close, followed by a thud as Rayna dropped her suitcase and shopping bags

"Great! I just got off the phone with Bucky. We've gone platinum!" Rayna excitedly said as she looked in the bedroom for Deacon

"Deacon, where in the world are you?" she asked

"Down here."

"What are you doin, babe?" she laughed, finding his legs hanging out from under the kitchen sink

"Well, with you gone all weekend I thought it'd be a good time to work on my _honey to do list_." He said, sitting up, leaning against the cabinets

"You know you don't have to do this kinda stuff anymore. We can afford to hire a plumber." She laughed as she straddled him on the kitchen floor

"What if I wanna be the sexy plumber, here to take care of more than your pipes!" he smirked as she bent to kiss him

"Mmmmm…after a weekend away, you can take care of whatever you want, and you are very very sexy." She whispered provocatively nibbling his neck

"Somebody miss me?" he laughed

"I did. I missed everything about you. Your smile, your laugh, your kisses, you next to me in bed at night… _everything_ … " she whispered intensifying the neck nibbles, driving him crazy

"Did you miss this? …..or this?….maybe this?…." He whispered back, slipping off her panties, unbuttoning her blouse, quickly whisking her into his arms, taking her to their bedroom

After two years together, Deacon was still the most handsome man she'd ever seen. They'd had their ups and downs, but she couldn't imagine a life with anyone else. He still drove her crazy in every way. Making love to him never got old. His looks only seemed to be getting better with age, and his voice still melted her heart, and made her forget everyone, and everything even after 2 years of performing together.

"I never want to leave this bed again!" she couldn't help but smile as they spent the afternoon making love

"Me either, Ray!" he smiled back as he gently kissed every inch of her body, taking extra time in her favorite spots, the ones only Deacon had ever touched, sending tingles up and down her spine

"That feels so good, babe. Never stop." She whispered breathily as he nibbled the inside of her thighs, moving back up slowly, until he had her in a deep passionate kiss, finally inserting himself after almost an hour of teasing her with foreplay

"Slower, Deacon…I could do this forever." She whispered savoring him after a weekend apart

"You really missed me, huh?" he smirked a little while later, her head on his bare chest as the afternoon sun began to set

"Every second I was gone, babe."

"That makes two of us. Hard to believe it's been two years today, huh?" he asked kissing the top of her head

"It's been an amazing ride, Deacon. I can't imagine taking it with anyone else. Happy Anniversary!"

"Happy Anniversary to you too, Ray! …and Happy 20th, baby!"

"We have so much to celebrate today. I was saying before we got distracted, Bucky called. The album has gone platinum! A million copies sold, Deacon!"

"Really?" he pulled back to look at Rayna

"I couldn't have done any of this without you, babe."

"Congratulations, baby! I never had any doubt. The first time I saw you sing at the Bluebird, I knew you were gonna make it big."

"We've made it, big, Deacon! I owe you everything. I love you more with each year together."

"Me too, Ray! Hey, I got somethin for you." He pulled a velvet box from the nightstand

"The bracelet, I wanted." She smiled as she pulled it from the box

"Yeah, I went back to the mall and got it the day after you said you wanted it. You are damned expensive, woman! …but worth every penny!" he laughed, kissing the inside of her wrist, another of her favorite spots as he helped her put the gold and diamond bracelet on

"You want yours now?" she asked

"Not if it means you're gettin outta this bed." He playfully held her tight

"C'mon…I can't wait to give this one to you." She laughed, pulling away from him

"I know the Martin your grandpa gave you means a lot, but I've seen you drool over this one a few times at Gruhn's. I stopped on my way home. The guy behind the counter said you've been visiting it a couple times a month." Rayna came back into the bedroom with a guitar case

"Rayna, you didn't have to do that. It's way too much." Deacon ran his hand over the smooth grain of the 1938 Martin

"You're worth it." She smiled as he pulled her in for a deep kiss

"How about a nice dinner out? I made a reservation at Morton's in the private room." He asked

"Anywhere with you would be great, babe."

"Maybe a country drive later in the old truck?" he asked with a smirk

"We haven't done that for a while. OK, but why don't we take my car?" She agreed

"More room in the truck." He argued his point as he got up to get dressed

"Yeah, but I don't really feel like gettin stuck in the country on a chilly night. When are you gonna go truck shopping? You keep sayin you want something new."

"I dunno, Ray. That old truck has sentimental value. Bought it in Natchez. It got me here. We've had some great times in it, huh?"

"We have, babe, but it's on its last leg. You're constantly havin to fix somethin on it. It breaks down at the worst times. You really need something more reliable." She made her points

"I'll let you in on a little secret. All those time you thought it broke down in the country. It didn't." he laughed

"What? You faked breakdowns for truck sex?" she stopped and stared as he laughed

"Maybe."

"You got me in trouble with daddy all those times for nothing?"

"I'd say it all worked out pretty good, huh?" he kissed the nape of her neck as he zipped her dress

"You're lucky you're so damn cute." She smiled pulling away from his neck kisses

"Oh what, are you seriously mad?" he laughed

"No, I loved those times together when we first met, but you could have just pulled over and asked. I wouldn't have refused, you know."

"I had to make sure you were captive, and all mine." He smirked as he led her out to the car

"I've been all yours since the day we met, Deacon."

"I know that, now. Back then I wasn't so sure. You never seemed to notice we stopped at about the same spot, hidden off the main road. It never occurred to you that it was the same place?" he asked still amused by his long kept secret

"It was dark! I can't believe you tricked me!"

"I had good intentions. I just wanted you all to myself, all alone in the middle of nowhere, for a little while. Still do. It's so crazy now with bein recognized everywhere, baby." He whispered as he helped her from the car and took the valet ticket

"The private room is ready for you Mr. Claybourne." The hostess said as they walked in

"Ya know before we had to reserve a private room just to have a quiet dinner out, or take security with us to walk down Broadway."

"I know. I miss that part of it too, babe. It won't always be so crazy."

"This is just the beginning, Ray. First platinum album and all. We've got years of craziness to come."

"Do you have any regrets, Deacon? Are you sure this is what you want?"

"I want you to be happy, Ray. This is what you've worked so hard for. I know you want this. So, yeah if it means I get to wake up next to a beautiful country star every mornin. I'm in for the long haul, baby."

"OK, you'd tell me if it's all too much, right?" she asked a little worried about him.


End file.
